This is a long one, but a genuine question- so buckle up if you're up for the ride!
My SIL has been problematic for a long time. She is about 10 years older than myself and my husband.
At first I took her sudden arrivals and long stays at my house ( before we got married) as a cultural thing. She would also bring boyfriends without pre-warning us and expect them to stay too.
She has a very varied love life and often splits with one partner and is straight on to another. She often meets them online but also has photos of my children online. I asked her to make her profile private or take the photos down and she said that they were her nephews and she would do what she liked with the photos.
I started to realise that she had mental health issues because she would also periodically lose or walk out of her job and or accommodation. Anyway- she is very hard to get to know, I'd describe myself as a gregarious, friendly person but I haven't ever broken my SIL's surface. She was on her own one Christmas so we invited her to one of my family's houses for Xmas day. When we went back to my parent's house where we were all staying, a man turned up out of the blue and I heard her telling him that he could stay. This man turned out to be her new boyfriend and they sat and talked to my parents and drank several bottles of wine between them both. They were both incredibly rude and kept asking for more things- even asking for more wine when they were on their way to bed, my mother told my SIL that she was being rude but my SIL took the wine into her bedroom anyway. The next morning my elderly father wouldn't get put of bed as he was so angry and upset, but my husband said nothing to his sister.
She is always making underhand comments designed to alienate me from her family and I knew she didn't like me. One Christmas she was coming along with my FIL for Xmas day. She text me on Xmas eve asking if she could bring her new boyfriend and he would stay too ( we only had 2 bedrooms, and 2 kids). I apologised and said no, saying we hadn't enough room. She seemed annoyed by this, saying he was her life partner.
A few hours later I began receiving a stream of abusive unsolicited texts from her. She said things like I didn't deserve her brother, and I was a deluded bitch etc. I didn't reply, my husband told me to ignore her and went to bed!
The next day my SIL rang my husband crying, I heard him telling her it was OK and not to worry about it. I was angry with my husband for not at least saying something about the way she had behaved towards me. My husband stated that he was afraid his sister would take her own life. Our Christmas day consisted of my husband and I being uncomfortable with each other.
There are too many other incidents to mention but these are the ones that stick in my mind. I haven't spoken to my SIL since that Christmas but my im-laws beg me and my husband to "make things right" - even to apologise to her, and to invite her to ours every Christmas, as she is lonely and on her own.
We've refused every Christmas so far but I would be fine spending Christmas with her somewhere else. The question is, am I being selfish and unreasonable? My husband and his family would love things to be sorted and for us all to be together at Christmas.(Their house is too small for us to have Christmas there.)The inlaws love to guilt trip me about it in any way possible. I would really appreciate your honest answers.
Oh- 1 more important thing- she brought the Xmas boyfriend to our wedding (despite having split up with him by then and knowing how I felt towards him). We'd just been officially married when he cornered me and said, " You've lost some weight! When I saw you from the back walking down the aisle, even I thought- I'd give her one!" ....He was in nearly every one of our wedding photos.
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AIBU?
AIBU to not invite my SIL for Christmas?
25 replies
PriestessKahlo · 26/11/2021 22:19
OP posts:
Am I being unreasonable?
257 votes. Final results.
POLL
You are being unreasonable
4%
You are NOT being unreasonable
96%
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