For being upset that she’s not said a word?

[Abs1992]

Me and my friend had a conflict arise a few weeks ago and I guess ‘fell out’. We both have very different ways of doing things and this made us clash and both feel the other was expecting too much etc. I’ve been thinking about it non stop and when our other friend said that friend 1 was feeling quite down about it all I instantly sent a message to say I hope you’re okay, because I didn’t like the thought of her feeling sad. I got no reply, which was fine, didn’t expect it. I then sent a long message to say I’d love to sort things out especially before our other friends wedding as we are both bridesmaids and will be doing lots of stuff together for that and I’d hate there to be awkwardness that made that less than perfect for the bride. I said I was happy to meet up or talk over the phone whatever she preferred, just to clear the air. That was a week ago and no response. Not even an acknowledgment of the message. It upset me because that really just seems that she does not care at all. Even if she could have said yes we’ll talk soon but I’m not ready yet. It even made me consider dropping out of my other friends bridesmaid group as I didn’t want it to ruin that. But I’m not going to, I’m going to be civil and nice when those events happen and not let it ruin my other friendships because she is unable to communicate like an adult. I’ve come to the conclusion that if she cares that little im really not losing anything, I am sad at the loss of a long friendship but I’ve made peace with it because of her obvious lack of care - sometimes silence speaks volumes. Am I being unreasonable?

[Abs1992]

Oh and I did also say in the message that I want to sort things out because she means a lot to me - it wasn’t just for my other friends sake!

[fellrunner85]

Depends on what the row was about, really?

[NinaGonk]

Sounds like you've been the bigger person. Not much you can do if she doesnt want to resolve it.

You've not said what the issue was. Maybe she is massively hurt or offended about whatever it was and cant brush it off.

[plodalong12]

You should have/should still call her directly and have an actual spoken conversation as it’s more personal than a text. And just because it may show up as “read” doesn’t mean she has actually read it.

[AnyOldLion]

I think it depends what the argument was about and what was said.

[AtrociousCircumstance]

It doesn’t mean she doesn’t care, it means she’s still angry.

What was the conflict?

[Howshouldibehave]

Depends entirely on what happened, really.

[notanothertakeaway]

Words can be very hurtful. Sometimes, it's not possible to clear the air and move on

But this has potential to spoil a wedding

[NewlyGranny]

Is she the type to sulk or nurse a grudge? She might just need time. Did you do or say anything outrageously hurtful that you haven't specifically apologised for?

Some annoying people were never taught how to make up and tend to take a long break after a falling-out and then re-engage as if nothing had happened. You might have to roll with that for the bride's sake, but you might also want to rethink the friendship!

[Abs1992]

No, I didn’t do anything hurtful, I was struggling with my mental health and expressed that I was feeling lonely and was honest about the fact that I felt she didn’t want to see me. I admitted that this was likely made worse by my mental health and I apologised for this, accepting that we have different ways of doing things which can often come across to me like she doesn’t want to see me or care. I have taken care of myself, changing medication and seeing a counsellor. And trying to make amends but it hasn’t worked out. Feels like a breakup and/or grief, losing a friend I’ve had nearly my whole life. Really sad.

[wtfisgoingonhere21]

Op very gently but if you've been friends nearly your whole life maybe that could have been a small straw that broke the camels back.

After years of a family member with mental health issues that change when she doesn't Medicate or help herself at times I had to step back after being a at times verbal punch bag (snapping etc) plans kept getting cancelled often literally on the day and I'd had enough.

The last time we had an arrangement to meet up I waited from 10 am for her to confirm the plans and at 2 pm she messaged to say she wasn't feeling good so cancelled. It was my last day of annual leave at the time,the weather was glorious and I was quite hurt that she could yet again cancel and waste a day.

As hard as it sounds and please don't think I'm blaming here but like my friend some people with mental health issues don't see the impact it can have on others close to them.

It's sad but sometimes stepping back is the only way for some ,like me.

We message from time to time but I'm reluctant to make plans or get too close again because the situation doesn't make me feel good either

[Abs1992]

I get that but that’s not how the situation was here, she was in no way used a verbal punch bag. I also stay on top of my illness and address it. I’m well now and can say confidently that this situation isn’t like the one you describe

[pictish]

Instinctively I’d say the friendship has run its course…for her at least. I apologise if that seems blunt but I think it’s clear she can’t or doesn’t wish to offer you the presence or support you would like to see.
I’m not implying that you’re needy but it might be that she no longer wishes to invest time in your friendship to the same degree as perhaps she used to.
What did she say when you confronted her about it?

[CaptainThe95thRifles]

I always think that, on these sorts of thread, it would be fascinating to have the other side of the story. I'd imagine your friend's side is rather different - not because I think you're lying, or because you're necessarily wrong or unreasonable, but because people often have very different interpretations of the same events.

Obviously some people are bonkers and cut people off / fall out for no reason, but I reckon most folk have a logic behind it - whether that's personal circumstances you don't know about, or a string of minor, ongoing issues that makes this the straw that breaks the camel's back.

[Abs1992]

Yeah I feel the same, I’d love to be in her mind and see it from her point of view. To be honest, I can make peace with the friendship being over if that’s what she wants as this is all making me feel the same really. What I’m struggling with is the lack of communication, literally not a word, when I’ve tried everything and said I would happily talk over the phone or meet in person. Just to say no, I don’t want to talk, would be better than silence. Or, I’m not ready yet but we can talk soon. Anything really. If only just for our other friends sake.