I don't know how to handle this situation and I don't want to phone the police... any advice welcome

MrThomas86 · 2021-02-24 21:28:51

Any advice welcome Hi there, apologies in advance as this may be long. I met a woman on tinder in October last year and things quickly developed between us. I’ll admit, I fell for her very quickly and became attached and I believe she felt the same way. She was funny, easy going, caring and we seemed to have a lot in common. For context, I’m 34 and she’s 24. I have two kids from previous relationships that didn’t work out and she has none. In the beginning things were going really well, we were spending a lot of time together when I didn’t have my kids and I thought she might of been the “one”. As time went on I began to notice she struggled with a lot of insecurities. I’ve lost count of how many times I’d told her I wasn’t speaking/dating other women but she would continue to ask me. She would make comments about the type of women I was friends with on social media and how attractive they were. These were just people I’d grown up with or gone to school/university with, definitely nothing fishy going on but she didn’t believe me. I really was only interested in her and after being cheated on by my ex, I wouldn’t put someone else through the same thing. Around a month later, I had invited her to spend the night but she cancelled because she was tired after work so we agreed to arrange another day instead. I ended up going over to my brothers house to see him and watch the football whilst unbeknown to me she had decided to come down and surprise me, thinking I was at home. When she arrived she rang me a few times but I didn’t hear my phone. Just as I was about to text her to explain where I was, I opened my phone to find messages accusing me of being out with another woman, calling me all the names under the sun. She completely lost the plot and drove home before I’d even had a chance to explain. Given that it was early days and there was already drama between us, I decided to end things. I was disappointed but I knew it was for the best. A couple of weeks later she contacted me to apologise and try to make things right. I had missed her during the time we didn’t speak so decided to give her another chance hoping it was just a one off. For a month or so things were going well, I could feel myself falling for her again, but the same thing happened. She was ill and off work for a few days. I hadn’t messaged her much apart from the odd text here and there as I wanted to give her some space and let her rest. When I’m ill, I like to be left alone and I thought she might be the same. Because I hadn’t messaged much she took that to mean I wasn’t interested anymore and that I was talking to other women which wasn’t the case. I was also busy looking after my kids at the time and working myself. She flew off the handle again calling me names and sending me message after message. At that point, I ended things and realised I had made a big mistake giving her another chance. As time went on she continued to text, call, hoping she could put things right. Two weeks after the second incident I came out of my house to go to work and she was there waiting in the car park for me. She told me she’d only been waiting for 10 minutes but I know it was longer (we live an hour away from each other). I told her it was a stupid thing to do and she had made the situation worse trying to force me to talk to her when I didn’t want or felt ready to. I promised her I would talk to her about things if she went home. I will admit, I just said that so she would go home and leave me so I could go to work. Weeks had gone by and every so often she would pop up asking if we could talk and I would tell her “later” or “tomorrow”. Saying no and telling her it was over didn’t work so I thought (as harsh as it sounds) by stringing her along, she would eventually get bored and move on but she hasn’t. She continues to contact me telling me she misses me, cares about me and doesn’t want me to date anyone else. Now, this is where I’ve probably made things worse. Last week she kept on messaging asking if she could come over just for some fun. She kept sending me dirty messages and pictures and it did turn me on. I let her come over on Saturday thinking it would just be for sex, no strings attached. I was obviously wrong and it’s made things worse. I think it gave her hope that things would start back up again between us. She’s admitted today that she only offered me sex as I way to get my attention and to be able to see me. She thought if I saw her it would ignite those feelings again. Looking back now, I wish I would have said no. Blocking her on everything doesn’t help as she will ask her friends to contact me or she’ll ring me off a private number. I was also hoping to end things on a good note and remain friends so blocking her feels awful. She has continued to text me today and even rang me around 6-7 times even after I’ve told her I was at work and couldn’t talk. I do care about her and I don’t want to hurt her as I think she’s a lovely person deep down. I know she means well but she just has a short fuse and flies off the handle without thinking and then later regrets it. I also think she needs to work on herself and her insecurities before dating anyone else. She’s a beautiful girl but she has said many times that she thinks she’s ugly/fat etc so I think her self esteem is at an all time low. I loved spending time with her and it was always amazing when we were together but as soon as we were apart that’s when the problems started. She’s a different person when we’re not together and I just can’t deal with that long term. If it wasn’t for her insecurities and the fact she’s so paranoid I know things would have worked between us as she’s perfect in every other way. When she sends me messages or voice notes on WhatsApp crying it makes me feel terrible but over time my feelings for her have dwindled which is a shame. What we had is over and I’m ready to move on but she’s just not there yet. I really don’t want to phone the police or report her for harassment as I know it will hurt her even more (I also don’t think she’s a stalker or a psycho, she just doesn’t know how to handle her emotions) but I’m at my wits end. She won’t ever move on if she can’t let me go. What should I do? Thanks for reading if you’ve got this far.

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