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Unreasonable about partner

(18 Posts)
Bekka94 Sun 28-Jun-20 06:57:08

Looking for a bit of guidance as I'm at my wits end.. am I being unreasonable to go mad at my partner after we've only just worked things out after 3 month when I'm currently 7 months pregnant and he doesn't come home from a night out until 8am the next morning cancels our plans because hes rough then he starts at me for apparently being unreasonable and hes having a good time with his mates.. bearing in mind hes in his 30s!! I think it's wrong and I don't think I'm being unreasonable by questioning him about his priorities..

OP’s posts: |
GinDrinker00 Sun 28-Jun-20 07:38:10

Till 8am in the morning? Take it he’s out doing drugs then. YANBU.

HanPanPeg Sun 28-Jun-20 07:46:04

Yanbu. It’s immature and selfish but presumably isn’t a new thing? Not that that is helpful, sorry

Bekka94 Sun 28-Jun-20 08:33:08

He's not totally honest about what he's doing which winds me up even more he says theres no drugs I'm not expert but his eyes tell me differently it's becoming a joke if I get worked up and go mad I'm the unreasonable 1 and I get called pathetic I'm very independent and do my own thing I've provided everything that's needed for our daughter and when I ask to spend time with him or do something he can never be arsed and tells me I'm needy and I get told all his friends think the same honestly at my wits end and got my bags packed ready and prepared to do this parenting crack on my own..

OP’s posts: |
GinDrinker00 Sun 28-Jun-20 08:40:24

Yeah I’d be leaving. It’ll only be harder when baby is here you’ll resent him for going out and leaving you with a screaming baby trust me on this one.

Pumpertrumper Sun 28-Jun-20 09:02:45

Run away!
He sounds like a complete waster and I fail to see what you are gaining from being entangled with a boy like this.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Sun 28-Jun-20 09:05:24

I'd be prepared to parent on your own. Whether you want a useless second child hanging round your neck is a decision you need to make.

He has no respect for you.

NearlyGranny Sun 28-Jun-20 09:13:18

You're very low on his list of priorities, and that's not likely to improve once the baby is born. Imagine hangover plus crying baby...

Telling you you're unreasonable is projecting at best and a silencing technique at worst. This man is not ready to be an adult, let alone a parent, is he? Was having a DC his idea or was he just irresponsible about using contraception?

You might be far better off without him in the frame, but I would give him the chance to commit to step up and be a proper partner and parent. Just don't talk to him until he's 100% compos mentis.

I don't hold out much hope for this one. 🙄

ScubaSteven Sun 28-Jun-20 09:24:29

LTB - you don't need that crap.

Parenting is difficult, but it's harder when you have an unsupportive partner and almost impossible when you have one behaving in that way.

Get rid of him before the baby arrives, it will be easier for you to raise a child alone than it will be to deal with everything he is doing alongside it. You must be absolutely worn out with everything.

Drugs and/or lying are my non-negotiable LTB territory. There's no way I'd be putting up with it, whatever the situation he can't be trusted.

Weenurse Sun 28-Jun-20 09:28:45

I’d be out the door, if you and DC are not his priority now, you never will be.

Prettybubblesintheair Sun 28-Jun-20 09:33:07

Yes LTB and do this alone. I promise you it’ll be easier to be a single parent then in a miserable relationship with a man child who can’t be arsed to even spend time with you. If it’s bad now it’ll get even worse after the baby arrives. A baby never makes things easier. He’s a joke, you’re better off on your own and I bet you’ll be a bloody brilliant single mum to your baby.

Livelovebehappy Sun 28-Jun-20 09:36:36

I’ve been there OP, and things don’t get better I’m afraid. Unless you put it to him that you will leave unless his behaviour changes, he’s always going to be a Manchild. You are treated how you allow yourself to be treated, and sounds like he has no conscience in that regard, and will carry on if you don’t put rules in place. If he doesn’t want to be a decent considerate human being, then get things in place to parent alone.

Bekka94 Sun 28-Jun-20 10:17:23

This sounds bad but everything's been in place to parent alone he lives under my roof and I was sensible in the fact I bought my house alone so he hasn't got a leg to stand on I've got text messages saved where hes been abusive towards me for asking him where he is and what hes doing and I'm 110% prepared for my baby coming I have single handedly bought everything she needs with the help of my mum I've just been a pushover and not put my foot down hard enough as I hate the confrontation and he makes me feel like it's all my fault he doesn't come home and I get called worse than shit! If I Make plans with my friends he guilts me into canceling them to spend time with him I feel like such a sap and once over this wasnt me at all

OP’s posts: |
Ponoka7 Sun 28-Jun-20 10:21:31

It's either accept it or split. A child doesn't need to be dragged into this.

You shouldn't accept it, or any of the other things you mentioned, but you've stayed up until now, so it's your choice.

OutOfHours Sun 28-Jun-20 10:23:51

Tell him to move out, then he can do what he likes.

Hes controlling and manipulative, you don't need that around your daughter, start early to teach her you don't stand for this type of behaviour!

ShawshanksRedemption Sun 28-Jun-20 10:29:12

You need to know that he'll be a reliable partner and parent. He's not showing signs of that. He could be panicking over the responsibility aspect of becoming a parent, possibly self sabotaging? What is his background like? Even saying that, he's in his 30s and needs to get help if he needs to, to become a responsible dad. He does have a choice.

As for what his friends think, it's what you think that matters. His friends are not in a relationship with him, expecting a baby.

hustler2020 Sun 28-Jun-20 10:35:18

not being harsh but are you kidding !!

kick him to the curb it only gets harder the longer you stay

he will eventually wear you down emotionally to the point where you believe you are wrong (YOU ARE SO NOT BEING UNREASONABLE)

does he bring you comfort security happiness support

you are alone in this relationship might as well kick him out & truly be alone but alone with your dignity & eventually your happiness

2020iscancelled Sun 28-Jun-20 10:37:14

Well it’s one thing you sticking it out in an abusive, toxic relationship but quite another bringing a baby into that environment.

He doesn’t give a shit OP. This relationship won’t last. You’re not going to be cashing your retirement cheques in and cruising off round the world together in your old age. You will 100% split up. You already know that. So the question is will it be on your Terms now before your child is born. Or will you allow yourself to put up with a few more years of being treated like shit, wasting your time and energy on someone who doesn’t even seem to like you let alone love you.

You owe it to your child to give them the best possible chance, if you don’t kick him out you are basically failing them from the start, sorry to be blunt

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