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AIBU?

To just feel so self conscious?

8 replies

Vanilla89 · 25/06/2020 06:25

When I met my DP I was a slim size 10. Over the years I put on a bit of weight taking me to a 12-14. I'm now 36 weeks pregnant with our first and I'm now a size 18. I'm only 5ft so this weight does not suit me. I'm covered in stretch marks and my bum and thighs are carrying a lot of extra weight. I feel hideous. I know my body is doing such a magical thing at the moment and I'm so thankful and lucky but I feel disgusting these days. My DP has always told me how beautiful he thinks I am and has continued to do so as I've put weight on but I struggle to believe it.

So he has this friend. She loves the gym and eating healthily and really looks after herself. I was friends with her too years ago but she always seemed to act a bit odd around my DP and I got the impression she had a bit of a crush and was quite two-faced. I dont bother with her anymore but my DP still texts her often. We haven't seen her since January. He knows how I feel about her but of course because she hasn't said or done anything inappropriate towards him I cant say much without looking crazy. My instinct just tells me shes bad news. We dont really use social media much. I have an Instagram account I scroll through occasionally and he has an account too but uses it more often than I do. I often see him liking all her photos. She posted a photo of herself in a bikini early hours of this morning and he liked it.

I sound like I'm being so petty here but my pregnancy hormones are all over the place. She has such a lovely body, much better than mine and whilst hes sat liking her bikini pictures I just wonder if he even finds me attractive anymore. We havent slept together in months. I'd like to but he doesn't want to. He says hes worried about hurting the baby but we still slept together at the start of my pregnancy without him worrying about that.

He tells me constantly he loves me and he cant wait to marry me. Everything is generally great with our relationship. I've tried confiding in him about how I feel about myself and he just says things like ''well I think you're gorgeous, I dont care that you have stretch marks''

I feel like I'm going mad and I'm not sure what to think at all. Should I worry about this woman or am I just being paranoid/jealous? My confidence is so low right now I just dont know what I think or feel. I wonder if he just tells me I'm still attractive because he feels like he has to? In all honesty I'm not entirely sure what I'm asking here but my head is a bit of a mess.

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Liverbird77 · 25/06/2020 09:34

36 weeks also and struggling with body image, especially in this hot weather.
I've found a pair of extremely stretchy shorts to wear round the house and garden today. I might even brave the park with them because I have to take my toddler for a walk in a bit.
Look, there's nothing to be done in the short term. We have to birth these babies before anything else. Also, thinner doesn't necessarily mean more attractive. The not hurting the baby reason for not having sex is a common one. Kudos to you if you still fancy it right now...I can think of nothing worse!!
It doesn't matter whether this woman has a crush on your husband not, what matters is how he acts. Liking pictures is ok in my opinion, I don't myself but it doesn't mean I fancy the people.
Hope the last few weeks of pregnancy go well for you x

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Vanilla89 · 25/06/2020 11:38

@Liverbird77

Thank you - you're absolutely right and I think this is exactly what I needed to hear right now! I think sometimes I let myself overthink things that I wouldn't have even thought about before my hormones and emotions were everywhere haha! I hope the last few weeks go well for you too x

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TerrorWig · 25/06/2020 11:42

YANBU to feel self-conscious - I think most women do - but think of it this way. Your body is doing the most miraculous thing possible. Growing a baby. Growing his baby. He loves you, and your body.

As for the sex - I think that’s a common worry for men, especially when you’re at the end stages. Spoon sex is a good one though

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Babyg1995 · 25/06/2020 11:46

I know exactly how you feel I'm 11 weeks pp and still feel like this I went from a size 10 to a 20 with baby no 3 I've lost nearly 4 stone in just 11 weeks I had so much fluid I've another 2 stone to go though n constantly cover up I'm so insecure my partner works with stunning slim women yes I trust him but I really miss looking like that . pregnancy is a tough time and I really wouldn't appreciate my partner liking bikini pics at any time never mind when I'm pregnant .

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Babyg1995 · 25/06/2020 11:49

My partner also went off sex with me from the middle of my pregnancy the bigger I got the less he touched me I do feel a bit resentful about that because now he shows so much more interest like he did before.

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thepeopleversuswork · 25/06/2020 11:56

I think the friend and your self-consciousness are two separate issues and you need to treat them separately.

a) the size, the hormones and your discomfort are a totally natural thing during pregnancy. They are temporary but if you have a loving partner they won't matter anyway. Your DP is obviously keen to reassure you on this front so it sounds like he is supportive.

b) his relationship with this friend. Nothing you have said suggests anything inappropriate. I don't think "liking" pictures on social media crosses a boundary, but each to their own. Are you generally happy and confident in your relationship? Do you trust your partner in general? Has he ever given you any reason not to trust him?

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Atadaddicted · 25/06/2020 11:59

Your focus is all wrong

This woman owes you nothing
She can post what the hell she likes and text whomever

It is your partner you need to focus on