WWYD....working away

[PerpetuallyUnderwhelmed]

If you had the option to work away for a portion of the week (staying overnight) but it would give you several days of concentrated time with your DC, would you do it?

The other option would be less well paid but nearer home so you would see DC every morning and evening, but not have several full days of time with them.

Rationally the answer seems to be to chose first option but emotionally being away would be extremely difficult and potentially confusing/upsetting. DC under 4. Can't give too many details for obvious reasons.

[CMOTDibbler]

Yes. I've traveled for work since ds was 6 months old (and stopped travelling the week he was born) and it's not been a problem. DH also travels, though less overnights till ds was older, and we don't have a nanny/ family help, we just juggle between us.
DS thought it was just one of those things that happened in families, and I know a few other women who also travel, and all our kids have grown up fine.

[PerpetuallyUnderwhelmed]

Thank you.

That is my gut feeling but the reaction from some others to the possibility has been less enthusiastic....

Did you find it tough at first?

[Jarline]

I did it for years, and yes it was tough. I missed out on stuff. But ultimately the days where I got to spend all day with my son made it worth it. And it was nice for my husband to have daddy time too - and learning that he could cope!!!

[Lightsabre]

Depends on how many nights/days away.

[Allaboutthepizza]

In all honesty, would this even be in question if it was your husband/partner (assuming they are male) who was in this situation? Why in 2020 are people still shocked about the prospect of a woman spending time away for work, while her children are being well cared for by their other parent...!

[GabriellaMontez]

Its not what I would choose unless we absolutely had to have the money.

[CMOTDibbler]

Oh, people are very judgy and I get asked how my dh copes or who looks after ds when I'm not there.

It has been hard at times, but as dh is a good parent/husband it has never been awful. I'm always home for ds's birthday, and try very hard to not miss anything really important. Both of us do home admin stuff when away/ on the train/at airports, and we usually have a cleaner

[trilbydoll]

2 nights / 3 days I wouldn't think twice. 3 nights / 4 days would require more careful consideration not least because that's a big chunk of the week where your other half is doing 100% of the childcare and is that feasible with their work commitments?

A rotating schedule of 4 days on 4 days off would be good as it would cover weekends as well so the other parent wouldn't constantly be running around like a blue arsed fly.

[Alonelonelyloner]

I do this and have done since our son was around 2. Sometimes I'm away a week at a time. He's now 5.5 and it's absolutely fine. There's FaceTime and seriously people need to get over a woman doing what men have been doing for decades (or longer) without question. Don't listen to the naysayers. Do what's best for you. In the end your career is important for both you and your family.

[Brefugee]

I'd do it (work away) because you can try it and if it doesn't work you can always take option 2

[MindyStClaire]

In terms of being away myself, it could work. I'd want flexibility to choose my days though so I could work around school stuff or whatever.

I wouldn't love DH being away more than a couple of nights a week, just because I find it a slog doing all the morning and evening stuff by myself.

[Muppetry76]

that's a big chunk of the week where your other half is doing 100% of the childcare and is that feasible with their work commitments?

And a man can't do 100% of the childcare whilst wifey works away (or, you know, has a life outside the home)?

I've done 100% of my own childcare for 10 years whilst keeping a full time demanding job, having a penis doesn't mean dad can't look after his own children and work too!

[PerpetuallyUnderwhelmed]

Thanks all!

It would be 2 nights but actually really 3 as back after bedtime on the second day.

Yes my DH would be doing the childcare but he is perfectly capable and really it amounts to 1.5 hours in morning and 2 hours evening.

My thought is that I wouldn't be missing quality time with DC really, just the daily drudge, and then we could have more quality time together. But I wonder about the impact of just not being around for half of the week....

[thegcatsmother]

My dh weekended for 4 years from when ds was 18 months old to when he was 6. he then had a posting locally for a couple of years, then was posted abroad, and we six weeked it for 2 years; that is, saw each other at half terms and holidays, and perhaps the odd weekend if we were lucky.

Ds is now 24, and has a closer relationship with me than with dh, but whether that is just a Mum thing, I don't know. Ds and I do have a stock of shared memories that don't feature dh, as he wasn't there (not his fault, HM Forces).

[trilbydoll]

It's not that anyone isn't capable of working and doing childcare but one of the good things about being in a partnership is that you don't have to drop off at 8am, do a full day's work and screech back into the nursery car park at 6pm. I couldn't do it, so DH taking an away job Mon-Fri would be a problem for me. Nothing to do with ability, everything to do with logistics.

OP I don't tbink 3 bedtimes and 2 mornings is too much of an issue. As long as you do all the drudge on the other days

[PerpetuallyUnderwhelmed]

@GabriellaMontez - so you would rather be there morning and evening every day even if you didn't get the full days? Genuine question, I just wonder what the reasoning is. I am nervous about seeming 'absent' in the home.

[PerpetuallyUnderwhelmed]

@trilbydoll true. I am also nervous about feel obligated to do absolutely everything for the other 4 days of the week when, realistically, I will also be quite knackered after working long hours

[Noodledoodledoo]

I agree with trilbydoll I would ask the same question about whether the other partner regardless of if it is mum or dad can do the childcare 100%. The way in which we have childcare worked out needs both of us around. If one of us was away for longer periods we would need to put other things in place like more wrap around care as neither of us can do both ends of the day due to work commitments etc.

[PerpetuallyUnderwhelmed]

DH can do the 3 days. His work is v flexible and he would probably work slightly longer on the days I wasnt away

[GabriellaMontez]

I love my home and the company of my DP. I try not to look on the day to day stuff as a drudge. Doing it is just part and parcel and gives the week contrast.

Of course that's just me.