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Feeling pressure to be sociable, who else?

(19 Posts)
pigeon999 Fri 12-Jun-20 15:20:19

I know I am being completely U. I know I should be grateful to be healthy ish/alive/have friend - delete as you see fit, but I am beyond tired. As in seriously properly burnt out.

12 weeks into this, working full time, homeschooling two children, cooking and cleaning every minute of the day, keeping cupboards stocked, caring for my elderly parents, organising weekly shopping for my neighbours - keeping sane, and keeping going somehow week after week with very little sleep (who can sleep these days??!) and facing down the mother of all pandemics. Now I am also expected to socialise!!!! This must surely be a joke.

Because for me this feels like even more women's work. The thought of doing even more just feels me with dread.

Just how in gods earth am I supposed to find the reserves to drive my kids to friends, pack up picnics, host wonderful BBQs with summer dresses when I can't honestly even manage some days to brush my hair!

I am really not being ungrateful, but we have had family and friends inviting themselves (I kid you not) or inviting us to their gardens for BBQs and whatever, and the thought of it is making me want to shrivel and hide.

I am an outgoing, reasonably sociable person but I can not face it. Not the dancing around trying to keep to 2m, the awkwardness of not hugging and keeping a distance, the exhaustion of preparing it all, more work, more cleaning what do we even talk about?! I would jump at the chance to go to a restaurant and be looked after, but I can not face anymore home catering!!

I miss my friends, and my old life, and I don't want to turn people down but where do we find the energy for this? What excuses are even able to say? We all have empty diaries, we don't have other commitments!! I am trapped or feel like it. It seems like all I am hearing about is garden parties and BBQs and I am wondering why I feel so flat about it. It was almost easier in the lockdown

If you are a social butterfly in the middle of this, please tell me how you are managing to find the energy? If you feel the same as me how do avoid hurting others by saying no when they haven't seen you since the winter?!

I can just say no, of course, but I know it would hurt feelings for sure so would rather not. How are you feeling about being 'sociable'?

Losing 50,000 people, the economy is ravaged, my kids are feral without an education. I really do not feel like celebrating anything at all right now.

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pigeon999 Fri 12-Jun-20 15:21:13


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SomewhereEast Fri 12-Jun-20 15:53:49

I think you're equating seeing people socially with feeling under pressure to be "celebratory"? My impression is that no one is all that celebratory right now....we're just all making the best of a very wearying trying time. Also it dependsvon your DCs - mine have just adored seeing people again.

whatthefuckamisupposedtodo Fri 12-Jun-20 15:56:47

I agree with you, I am getting invites and making excuses and it's awful. My 3 year old can't understand social distancing so I just can't risk it

teenagetantrums Fri 12-Jun-20 15:56:51

I'm so thankful l have no young children..l feel no need to socialise for the good of Thier mental health. I'm just going to work and coming home..l bloody love it

pigeon999 Fri 12-Jun-20 15:57:03

My dc love seeing friends, but I am the one that has to drive them, pack picnics, stay for hours when I have so much to do. And no I don't mean celebrating, just being happy and sociable, I don't feel either right now somewhere

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pigeon999 Fri 12-Jun-20 15:58:44

I feel like I HAVE to because dc haven't seen anyone. I have a long list of family that need visiting because it is expected, I have a long list for each child of friends they want to see.

I am knackered! Way too knackered for this.

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pigeon999 Fri 12-Jun-20 15:59:32

what you have a great excuse with a toddler grin hopefully they won't remove the 2m rule for your sake!

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pigeon999 Fri 12-Jun-20 16:00:40

teen Jesus I am jealous. I need to check out for a few weeks, I need to find my feet - recharge - feel ready, but there is no chance of that.

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Scruffyoak Fri 12-Jun-20 16:01:49

Same. I hate it. I don't want to feel pressure to socialise .

pigeon999 Fri 12-Jun-20 16:06:11

I don't want to see anyone looking like this even if I could rustle up the energy to cook up something edible.
I have feet like trotters, black roots and white tufts, split ends, perpetual purple bags under my eyes, I look like absolute shit! I have nothing fun or interesting to say, and really should be left to fester until the hairdressers open as a bare minimum.

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Sewrainbow Fri 12-Jun-20 16:06:43

Me too! I was enjoying no obligation isolation at home, just walking around locally, no pressure.

I get all my social interaction at work!

I sympathise with those pining for more contact but I'm tired and can't be bothered.

pigeon999 Fri 12-Jun-20 16:10:13

It now feels like christmas on steroids!! With most people stating the second wave as a reason for urgency and we must get those dates in the diary asap. Jesus H Christ. At this rate I am not even going to make the second wave, much less the third grin gin

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Thinkingg Fri 12-Jun-20 16:16:16

I'm loving seeing a few more people. But just local walks rather than bbqs, and I have much more free time than you do - you have a lot on your plate. Can your partner (if you have one) or kids help out more, can your neighbors find other help to give you a break?

Don't care what I look like, just great to see the expressions on friends faces again, share real life laughter. There's not much to talk about but we are beginning to remember how to have a conversation! Can you tell people you're struggling? If you were my friend Id be happy to just come stand on your driveway for a chat to lift our spirits, maybe bring you some cake, no pressure for BBQs or parties.

Bluetrews25 Fri 12-Jun-20 16:23:18

Just tell them what you have told us - you are tired, WFH and homeschooling. You don't have an ounce of energy to spare. Later would be better. They are probably being pressured too.
What might be good is for just you to see a close friend for an hour. Give you a bit of a boost. Cry / laugh / moan / eat chocolate / whatever or all of the above.
Hope you feel more like you before too long.
flowers brew cake chocolate

pigeon999 Fri 12-Jun-20 16:23:52

Thank you thinkingg that is a really thoughtful post. I don't think anyone cares about my trotters, I just feel in the wrong place for any of this. I have spoken to friends in driveways, and it was lovely. No one seems to want to do it now we have moved on and can actually eat together. Dh working 14 hours a day in very stressful job, he is helping as much as he can. This is his idea of hell, as he is so tired too and just wants to relax when we have the time. I miss my buddies so much, just so lacking in energy...

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pigeon999 Fri 12-Jun-20 16:27:19

blue good idea, maybe one person a week for an hour I could do. Pref with the dc so they can socialise as well.

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MissBaskinIfYoureNasty Fri 12-Jun-20 16:29:40

Snap. We had a lockdown baby and it was actually nice to be able to hibernate. People want to meet him now even though I know they won't be able to pass him around I'm still reluctant to leave my bubble.

pigeon999 Fri 12-Jun-20 16:37:39

miss I can see why you would feel like that with a new baby definitely.

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