OK so obviusly we are aing way into lockdown now. Both me and my husband are still working - my husband fill time, I'm part time and a mix of going in to my workplace 2 days a week, and working 2 full days at home. We also have 3 children who are also at home, and we are trying to keep on track.
My inlaws are in their 60s, both fully retired, my mother in law has a lowered immune system. Prior to lockdown we rarely saw anything of them, although they live locally and moved here a number of years ago 'to help with the children'. Historically they never do anything with the children. Nevrf have them over for tea or take them to the park etc. It's quite usual for us to never see or hear a, peep from them, for example for the whole summer holidays, and if I suggest something like a, day out together there's usually a reason they don't want to go ('we always have lunch at 12,' Fridays the day we go to Asda' etc etc etc). Anyhow, you get the picture.
Since lockdown, however as church is cancelled - they are huge church goers, and their clubs are cancelled they keep asking us to arrange zoom stiff with them. (but alwats for us to organise for them to do - at least weekly we've arranged variously bingo, quiz nights, story telling, scattagories etc etc. I always call and offer to do their shopping if I'm going too, and 4 or 5 times we've walked over and done a chat from their driveway. They always try and make us go on, we always say no. I work in a relatively high risk environment and I worry I could be carrying the virus.
I also know they've done quiz nights with their n neighbours and church too.
Anyway, I do feel like we've done asuch as we reasonably can. I should I haven't seen my own patents at all since lockdown.
Things came to a bit of a head on Friday. 2 of my children had a massive fight, I'd had a, really stressful day at work (dealing with several situations where bad news had to be delivered to children). Because the fight had got physical between my 2 boys, they'd both been sent to bed early & my husband and I had planned a nice glass of wine in the garden with only the adults. Except it turned out to be 'church quiz night' on Zoom so my husband shot off to do that instead (I'm not part of the church, I don't like quizzes and didn't want to spend the evening on Zoom having been on it most of the day).
Anyway I made the mistake of saying on Facebook that I don't like quizzes, which I don't. Queue mother in law saying 'well, you should have just joined in' (rather than be on my own). Apparently they didn't know I didn't like quizzes and then (because I said, quite rightky we'd done quizzes every weekend since this starred that I had just fancued a change) she'd responded 'well, what other quizzes are you doing, then?'
I made the mistake of saying as well as dkung weekly things with them, I wadamso dkung them with my side of the family (my brother and his family). So now they've invited themselves to the Sunday afternoon catch up I try and do via zoom with my family (it's only 40 mins!). She 's gone directly to my brother about it and invited her and my father in law.
I also found out she's been messaging my older children and asking them over and saying' it won't hurt ', and that one of my children has actually been over (it's my uni age child - she' d told me she'd gone to the shops). It's tricky because my uni age child is an adult--but the underhand approach of my Mother in law has really annoyed me.
So, what would you do, if anything. I've spoken to my older child and said I didn't appreciate her breaking the guidance whilst we are all here.
I get my inlaws are just lonely, but so are my kids and I expect them to still follow the rules around socialising.
I've pretty much told my mother in law until I feel I'm blue in the face thst both my husband and I are still working during they day, and often catching up with some of the boys education in the evening as well. We don't have as much spare time as they do.
I also think of they wanted to spend time with us /the kids they could have done (but chose not to) prior to lockdown. They also could themselves organise a quiz or similar and incite us, instead of expecting us to always be the organisers or facilitators. I don't even know where to start with them 'invading' the small amount of time I get to chat to my own family.
Help
Oh and I should add because I'm not 'the church goer' I'm in the wrong for not joining in on Fridays quiz, according to my husband and daughter despite the fact we'd arranged to do something else and they'd both forgottin about it until after it had started.
Am I being unreasonable in not doing more than their shopping, arranging a weekly 'social' online and distance visitung Once a fortnight? (I should add they are both fit and able, my mother in law is a cancer survivor but is in remission and up until lockdown worked until retirement, belonged to sports clubs etc)
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
Meeting up with others - in laws
7 replies
Mrsdoodle3 · 24/05/2020 11:54
OP posts:
Am I being unreasonable?
17 votes. Final results.
POLL
You are being unreasonable
0%
You are NOT being unreasonable
100%
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.