To stop dealing with a drug user / person with mental health issues

[ReincarnatedDodo]

I have a friend who I have always thought had a severe mental health diagnosis, however, it is now transpiring he does not have an underlying mental health condition but has mental health issues due to a drug addiction.

I have been on tenterhooks for another night because of frightening messages being sent, and then phones being turned off, no response, and receiving different messages from someone who was with him supposedly to what the police were telling me.

I am not sure I have the resilience to keep going through this and have now found out (reliable source) that it is due to taking drugs and not an underlying mental health issue. He can go for days without the drugs, weeks even, then takes them recreationally and then spirals.

I just want to gently remove myself from the situation.

[BemidjiMinnesota]

This person obviously isn't your friend?
They are taking advantage of you. Even if the underlying cause was a mental health problem, you wouldn't have to tolerate this amount of pressure.

You don't need to accept any level of abuse from anyone. Cut ties with this person and look into getting some therapy for why you would allow yourself to be trapped in this damaging dynamic.

[Iwalkinmyclothing]

People can have both a severe and enduring mental health condition and a drug problem, in fact many do.

You are under no obligation whatsoever to have anything to do with him or anyone else, though.

[ReincarnatedDodo]

He doesn't have an underlying mental health issue. The changes in behaviour is caused by drug use.

I feel duped and lied to do be honest, and super tired.

[Aquamarine1029]

I would be blocking him.

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1]

is he sending you frightening messages? What do you mean by frightening?

[AtrociousCircumstance]

Unhook from this shit. You can’t help him. This connection is only hindering you.

Read up on codependency maybe.

[Thelnebriati]

Yanbu to end the friendship, but although you want to unhook without any more distress or drama, there is no guarantee you can manage his reaction.

When he is as sober as he will ever be, state plainly that you can no longer cope with the drama, you regret that as a consequence you have decided to end the friendship, and he is to delete your number from his phone and not contact you again.
Then block him.

[ReincarnatedDodo]

Thank you, will look into codependency.

By frightening I mean things like suicide threats.

The police have been amazing, well the call handler specifically, I think three out of the last four times Ive had to resort to calling them I've had the same call handler and she pointed out last night that she could hear I was super anxious and she actually spoke to me for quite a while after she had sent a car round to find him.

It's just made me all think about the toll it is having me on me. i am already struggling with my mental health, have recently lost a friend to suicide and lost my partner to suicide a few years ago so I think it is retraumatising me. But then i feel shit for just abandoning him when we are all in lockdown.

[StrictlyAFemaleFemale]

You say you can feel yourself going down. Would this guy do the same for you? Would he support you to his own detriment? My guess is no. So give yourself permission to put yourself first and block. This friend is not your responsibility.

[ginnybag]

Oxygen mask theory time here, I think.

To be of help to others, you first have to protect yourself. You can't help if you become a casualty in the process.

You are allowed to step away from this chap to protect yourself - you don't need a 'reason'

[CoraPirbright]

I agree with TheInebriati

[CockCarousel]

Sadly poor mental health and addiction go hand in hand, the latter is nearly always an attempt at self-medication, (I speak from experience).

It sounds as if your friend is still in the grip of an addiction and until the individual has a moment of clarity and decides to make changes there's not really anything you can do.

[CloudsCanLookLikeSheep]

These taker types never give in return

I fell out with a long term friend as she always phoned me in a crisis, despite never actually doing anything with the advice I gave, but the one time I had a personal issue that was upsetting me, she didn't want to know.

Get rid.

[Theweasleytwins]

Sounds like he is negatively affecting your mh

[AtrociousCircumstance]

No, no, no. You’ve been through horrendous trauma losing two close people to suicide and you need to stop hurting yourself by hanging onto this person. It is only damaging you.

Staying hooked on his drama is like self harm and may be a destructive part of processing all the pain you’re going through.

You have complete permission to end this connection, you have every right to protect yourself.