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Fed up of people!!!(17 Posts)
Seriously though!! I'm a social person. I'm always there for others. But I feel that unless I'm bubbly, jolly, funny etc people just vanish.
People can't get enough of me when I'm brushing up their egos or making them laugh and feel good. But when I'm having a down day, people hide. It makes me feel like the human race is just a shallow entity.
The thing is, I feel good about myself. I have no parents, horrible childhood, got over it. Everyone tells me, you're so confident, you're so funny, you're amazing etc. And that's how I feel about myself.
I care about others but when it's time for the tables to be turned, nobody wants to show up? I'm not expecting people to care like I do. But when I'm visibly upset people try to hide or act awkward. Where as I'd be there holding out my arms.
Are people generally just shallow and selfish underneath the happy exterior?
Does anyone actually care about others?
Of course they do.
I think it depends how you behave when you are upset are you open to others helping you or would you just cut them off if you didn't get the response you wanted.
Do you let people in when you are upset or do you just close yourself off to others
People are imperfect...personally j love it when everyone buggers off and leaves me alone a bit.
When you are down perhaps one or two confidents rather than expecting a lively following. I know i am only really sociable when in a good mood or when other people are. Expect nothing...that way any extra is a bonus!
This is typical OP I'm afraid. I've spent a lifetime helping other people and listening to their problems, looking after their kids for free so they could go out yet when when I was ill, getting divorced, trying to move house nobody was there for me.
Yeah, I am always there for others to look up to and lean on. Some people come to me with such petty issue's in my opinion, but I show compassion and kindness. Then when I actually say, I'm feeling a bit down today...the line literally goes dead. Yet people are more than happy to say nice things about me and come to me. No wonder there's a suicide crisis, people are crying out for help, people are saying be kind and care etc but everyone wants someone to help them but they don't want to help anyone.
I'd have to agree that this is a dawning reality for me too. The reality of giving time/ getting involved with people who signal they are struggling is just not on their agenda .."God who needs that dreary messiness" and they scroll past hoping some other sucker will help.
Unless it's them obv 😑
Hope you find that rare person who is like you x
Most people are inherently selfish, yes, and most don't care that much.
Maybe they have enough going on in their heads and life’s right now? 🤷🏻♀️
Maybe people in your circle are so used to the bubbly you, that when you're down they don't know how to react. Really a long standing relationship should be more of a balance. It's easy in the short term to put on a happy exterior with people, or if you're only mixing for short periods of time, but over time you will have times when YOU need support.
I have a friend who constantly rants about ppl, bitching, gossiping, absolutely everything vile you can think of... As soon as i have a problem, she runs off cuz "i'm being negative"!!!
I know she isnt a true friend, and as soon as i get a job elsewhere i wont be looking back (mutual benefit ATM)... But u need to look around for better quality friends... Ppl who only come around for the laugh arent true friends, spare them the laughter, when they spare you the down time
I think people are mostly fundamentally quite selfish.
Yes, OP, I have to agree too. I’ve finally realised, far too late, that some people are totally selfish. Like you, I’ve listened endlessly to people’s woes and even had someone staying with me for over a year because of a relationship breakdown BUT when the boot is on the other foot you don’t see them for dust! This particular person is now happily back in a relationship and it’s as if I don’t exist which is particularly galling as I live alone and during lockdown a text or phone call would be very welcome.
I honestly don’t know how to overcome this problem but think we just have to accept that some people are takers and others are givers.
@HannaH021 Please call this friend out. Point out her hypocrisy. If someone doesn't then she will continue to treat people selfishly and cruelly
@HavenDilemma i did yesterday, she was nasty to one of the guys, and i lashed at her, i cant believe how manipulative she tried to be claiming she was acting in his best interest !!!! She never stops, we have regular fall outs over her poor ethics, she's about to turn 55 on the 20th, i dont think at this age i have any hope she'll "grow" to be a better person.
I do agree that in the main people are very happy to take, but not give back. As a PP said, people are fundamentally selfish. But have you tried asking rather than hoping people will notice you're not your usual upbeat self? I know it still requires you to make the initial effort, but saying "I feel blue today, do you fancy having a bit of a chinwag to cheer me up a bit" can help. Sometimes people want to be a good friend but don't quite know what to do, unless you ask them x
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