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Would this upset you or am I being over sensitive ?

(27 Posts)
Chops2017 Fri 14-Feb-20 17:46:37

How would you feel if someone said this to you " I would offer you my slimming world shakes but they taste awful " said by ex's mum we hadn't even mentioned slimming world or diets it was said out of the blue and then when I said no thankyou she said " oh I wasn't offering them because I think your fat I know you like to diet " for context I don't like to diet, I'm 2 stone over weight but felt hurt and uncomfortable about it, I wasn't quick enough to ask her if she was offering them to ex's wives who are very slim xx

Brazi103 Fri 14-Feb-20 17:49:02

I think she blurted out what she was thinking. she did try to explain it away so maybe it really was a slip of the tongue rather than intentionally malicious.

WorraLiberty Fri 14-Feb-20 17:49:53

If she thinks you like to diet but you don't, there's obviously miscommunication there.

Did you not say, "Me? No, what gave you that idea?"

Chops2017 Fri 14-Feb-20 17:52:12

No I just said no thankyou, ex fil had made a comment about my weight before this and I spoke to her about it so she knows I'm insecure over it, I don't think it was slip of the tongue she's put me down before xx

maddy68 Fri 14-Feb-20 17:52:58

Oversensitive. You must have mentioned weight in the past and she clearly has been on the diet. It was just conversation

WorraLiberty Fri 14-Feb-20 17:57:19

If you don't think it was a slip of the tongue and she's put you down before, I'm not sure what you're asking here?

If someone is deliberately putting you down, it's not over sensitive to get upset or annoyed.

From what you've written though, I think it was miscommunication and she thought you like to diet even though you don't.

Dozer Fri 14-Feb-20 17:58:16

She thinks you’re overweight, and was rude!

Chops2017 Fri 14-Feb-20 17:58:44

I've never mentioned diet to her, I never had an issue with my weight before DC xx

Chops2017 Fri 14-Feb-20 17:59:24

Dozer that's exactly how I took it! Xx

Delbelleber Fri 14-Feb-20 18:00:14


Babyfg Fri 14-Feb-20 18:01:18

If it was a one off I wouldn't be offended. She had the drinks and was going to offer you one (like if she said it about a different drink) but then realised it might have come across the wrong way and back pedalled.

If she is making lots of back handed comments then it's a dig

Somanysocks Fri 14-Feb-20 18:07:20

You should have said 'thanks but your need is greater than mine'.

headlicehelp Fri 14-Feb-20 18:09:08

If she's regularly rude to you then just stop speaking to her. You don't need to now.

Creweneck Fri 14-Feb-20 18:09:38

She thinks you’re overweight, and was rude!

OP is overweight. Everyone will be able to see it. there's no 'think' needed.

It sounds like she realised what she said was referencing your weight and quickly tried to fix it. She didn't mean to hurt your feelings and tried to make amends.
These are the things we should try to fight our own sensitivities and forgive people for, in my opinion.

As others have said, though - if she does it regularly and it comes across as a bit disingenuous, that's when you are right to be upset and when you should take action to let them know you aren't cool with it.

helpfulperson Fri 14-Feb-20 18:15:27

Hmm, I think you are being oversensitive but can sympathise that it would give you a 'WTF' moment. I would liken it to someone saying to an alcoholic 'glass of wine?' without really thinking.

blablablablablablabla Sat 15-Feb-20 00:09:33

How many wives does your ex have?

blablablablablablabla Sat 15-Feb-20 00:11:09

FWIW I think she just wanted to start a conversation about slimming world (as so many people on these diet plans do) with someone she thought was 'into' dieting.

PlanetSlattern Sat 15-Feb-20 01:20:48

Who "likes to diet"? confused What a completely weird idea.

I agree with @creweneck, she probably thinks you need to lose weight, emptied her brain out through her mouth, then felt embarrassed and tried to make amends.

I'd be offended, but only because I need to lose weight myself and it would piss me off to hear it.

Chops2017 Sat 15-Feb-20 02:41:04

Oops I meant ex's brothers wives xx

dontgobaconmyheart Sat 15-Feb-20 02:49:20

Not sure I could get too upset about it OP, if it was rude it seems like she didn't want it to be. Hardly a wild leap to assume someone who is insecure about their weight or who is overweight- might have dieted or be interested in it. It's not like she told you needed them or should start taking them. Seems like she just put her foot in her mouth.

Lalala205 Sat 15-Feb-20 02:56:42

I don't really understand the context tbh? This is your ex's mum and she mentioned it to you? But she mentioned it to 'we', which is who? She said it to just you, or to you and your ex? And you know she hadn't mentioned it to your ex's BILs ex partners who are slim? But had they told you this? I'm sorry, but I just find the whole conversation very confusing 😕 - tbf if it was a 1:1 conversation between you and herself then it's a bit unwarranted yes, but potentially more crass than an intentional insult perhaps?

Lalala205 Sat 15-Feb-20 03:02:33

Oh! Re-read OP she said if to you as in you both hadn't mentioned you needing to diet? Yes, bit shitty but I'd just take it as her banging on about the despair of her own intake of diet shakes (miserable life), and possibly the projection of 'hmmm maybe she'd like to lose a lb or two?). Not great to hear no, but when people are on the weight loss' journey, they're normally bloody boring as fuck! And tend to transfer it to anyone who doesn't subscribe to a 7 day a week gym regime and eat some crazy diet.

redcarbluecar Sat 15-Feb-20 03:08:26

Daft comment from her but I’d try to overlook it. She may be a bit obsessed with dieting and assume that other women share her preoccupations.
I have a friend who is always careful about offering me biscuits- ‘oh, are you eating biscuits at the moment?’ I’m overweight but rarely diet and have never mentioned giving up biscuits to her!

Lalala205 Sat 15-Feb-20 03:09:33

I lost 76lbs through calorie counting and exercise. An ex colleague kept banging on about the benefits of low carb and offering me the opportunity to enlist in their friends £70pwk 'health programme' 😒 I must admit I took some pleasure from informing them the 5 'low sugar' sweets I'd watched them scoff in between their 7 boiled eggs, had pushed them out of ketosis for 3 days according to my online app 😂 They shut the fuck up after that. Nothing as crazy as a diet guru!

PomBearWithAnOFRS Sat 15-Feb-20 03:10:51

I would have said "no thanks, you need them more than me" but it would have stung inside. I would never let her know she'd got to me though.

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