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AIBU?

To be pig sick f my mum's 'mate' thinking she's dd's 3rd grandma and NEVER...

27 replies

walbert · 24/08/2007 22:23

being out of my parents house? Every time i take dd up to parents, mum rings mate to tell her a grandchild is here and around she trots. Even if I call up on the off chance, there she is... Flipped last week when my ace dad was supposed to taking her for a walk but couldn't, so mum and her 'mate' trot off with her. Later I hear a wail and this bloody woman wheels dd round corner saying she's been pushing her all afternoon with no probs, while my mum saunters on in background. Aaaarggggghhhhhhh!! This woman has nothing to do with me, i'm not fussed over her but she seems to think my dd is some major part of her life, while my poor dad can't spend hardly any time with my dd. Had enough, let rip at dad and he is now faced with task of prising mum and her mate away from each other. Why can't the interfering b*tch just feck off??? (and she earwigged when i told parents i was preggers so she was in on goss. Grrr) Rant over!

OP posts:

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handlemecarefully · 24/08/2007 22:26

Why is it such a problem?

mazzystar · 24/08/2007 22:26

I think the issue you have is with your mother, not her friend.

Talk to her about it.

Your mum might be trying to include her friend as perhaps she is lonley and has no grandkids of her own.

in the meantime, invite your dad round to your house?

walbert · 24/08/2007 22:31

She's a very, very 'overwhelming' person. Mum is the sort of pesron who if thinks things aren't how she wants them can have a blub to make you feel bad, so she won't want to 'decline' her mate calling round. So dad is sort f trying to act as intermediarythingbob (ahem!). This 'woman' (who is chunky oap) flirts with my dh (!) and goes to look round pour house whenever she tags aklong with parents as though she lives here!!!! She has a no grandkids but neices and nephews have kids which she is fairly involved with. Just irritating that she seems determined to never let me see my parents!!! Even has the cheek to look like i'm interfering when i call up! She is there EVERY day. Bah.

OP posts:

handlemecarefully · 24/08/2007 22:36

Ok am getting the picture - she does sound irritating!

startouchedtrinity · 24/08/2007 22:37

She may have other family but she sounds like she is relying on your parents and your dd for affection and to feel important. It also sounds like your mum is enjoying her company. If it is that much of an issue for you then you have to set boundaries with your mother, not your dad, but you may have to accept that your mum wants to see her friend sometimes instead of you. Tbh the friend just sounds like a slightly sad person who is finding comfort in believing herself to be liked and wanted. Overbearing people are often insecure and self-doubting on the inside.

walbert · 24/08/2007 22:45

Well, lets put it this way, after 6 years she has grown more and more attached to my parents so you can imagine after that length of time how latched on she is!! Although after chatting with dad, get sneaking suspicion he's a bit fed up but doesn't want to upset mum so i'm dong most of the dirty work for him so he can get a bit of peace and quiet and time with my dd!

OP posts:

RGPargy · 24/08/2007 22:46

YANBU! That would really annoy me too. Talk to your mum and tell her how you feel!

walbert · 24/08/2007 22:52

That's dad's job! It was nearly world war 3 over wedding invites (and it was only a lovely little cheap and cheerful wedding but there was still major knicker twisting over that!) Can't cope with motherly blubbing: told dad that's his job this time

OP posts:

mazzystar · 25/08/2007 08:52

sorry but i don't think its fair to make your dad deal with it. obviously if he's fed up he needs to address it for himself, but you need to take responsiblity - try to frame it as you want to see her on her own, not that you don't like her mate. and don't be too dismissive of this woman, she must have something to offer as a friend or your mum wouldn't hang out with her so much.

EscapeFrom · 25/08/2007 09:22

Hold on...

Your mum has a friend

Your mum likes her friend's company, right?

What is the problem here? They are people in their own right you know! Perhaps your mum doesn't want to do doting Gramma on her own? Why on Earth would you want to 'prise them away from each other'?

startouchedtrinity · 25/08/2007 09:26

Totally agree Escapefrom. It's one thing to agree that the friend won't visit your house or take your dd out, totally different to want to split two old friends apart.

RubySlippers · 25/08/2007 09:26

i don't think she is a bitch unless there is more to it than your post suggest - perhaps she is lonely?
the more people that are close and loving to your DD the better surely?
perhaps she has no granchildren of her own and enjoys spending time with your DD
does it bother your mum/dad?

BandofMothers · 25/08/2007 09:29

Can't your mum go out with her mate and leave your dad with your dd for some quality time.

Agree that perhaps you need to have a chat with your mum.
I would be quite pissed off if everytime I went to see my mum, she called her friend over. I want to talk to her, and I want her to spend time with my kids not some random stranger

purplemonkeydishwasher · 25/08/2007 09:30

i understand what you mean walbert. you would just like your parents to yourself (and DD) for a while. you want your dad to bond with his granddaughter and this woman is always there getting in the way.
YANBU. but damned if i know what you could do!!

BandofMothers · 25/08/2007 09:30

If she's there everyday to see her mother, then why does she have to be there when walbert brings her dd over. It's hardly prising her away from friend to expect one afternoon a week, or whatever that she isn't there.

HonoriaGlossop · 25/08/2007 09:31

Why not take control and invite your parents to come to you rather than going to their house?

I also think it's totally unfair to put your dad as piggy in the middle.

It's YOU who have the problem with this woman, it's your responsibility to deal with it.

i can understand it is intrusive having this woman always there, btw. But I still think it's YOUR issue and unfair to make it your dad's 'job'.

EscapeFrom · 25/08/2007 09:34

why not just invite your dad on his own? Then your mum and her friend could occupy each other?

startouchedtrinity · 25/08/2007 09:35

Tbh I find this thread quite upsetting, unless this woman has done something really awful (having an affair with your dad or shouting at your dd) calling her a bitch is cruel and unnecessary. we all know peoplewho irritate us but that is usually our problem, not theirs. When you tol dyour parents you were pg maybe she was just excited for you? You are right, stopping this lady from being involved in your family is very dirty work indeed.

daisythedog · 25/08/2007 09:38

unless i'm missing something YABU.

I can't believe you want to break up your mother's friendship because it bugs you. That seems more than a little selfish to me.

And is calling her a "chunky oap" supposed to make people more sympathetic to you?

I think you're acting like a spoilt child.

BandofMothers · 25/08/2007 09:40

She doesn't want to break up the friendship she doesn't doesn't want this woman to be there EVERY SINGLE TIME she visits.
Tho the names were perhaps a little harsh.

BandofMothers · 25/08/2007 09:41

That should be just doesn't

startouchedtrinity · 25/08/2007 09:42

I agree daisydog.

This lady sounds a little like my aunt. She adores dcs but only had my cousin. When she was in her teens my aunt started to take me out, or the children of her work colleagues. We'd go to London Zoo or on boat rides up the Thames. She's a great person around dcs.

Perhaps your dd likes this lady?

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kimi · 25/08/2007 09:46

Yes I can see it is annoying but how would YOU feel if your mother tried to dictate to you who you should be friends with.
I find the "bitch and chunky pensioner" comments very childish in a foot stamping i want my own way type of way.

Your poor dad to be stuck in the middle of all this, I think you have to be grown up and tell your mother that you want your dad and er to spend time with your DD without her friend being there. Invite them to visit you and make it clear that the invite does not extend to the friend.
You do seem to be very "fussed" over this woman and I am wondering if their are deeper issues here.

BandofMothers · 25/08/2007 09:47

Perhaps she does, but is it really reasonable for her to be there at EVERY visit????

LegoLeia · 25/08/2007 09:49

Can't you just call before you go over and say something like "have you got guests? because if not we'll come over". Explain that you want to see them!

If the subject of the friend comes up, then say, "well if you want to hang out with mate today, then perhaps we could come next thursday". Send the message without a confrontation. Hopefully subtleness could work?

Sounds v. annoying especially if you don't get on with her. But if your Mum likes her then you have to deal with it. Good luck!

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