AIBU to think my marriage is over?

AfricanSunset · 2019-12-09 19:49:39

Please forgive my straight to the point post, I am trying very hard not to let my emotions get the better of me. We are booking a marriage counselling/sex therapy session to see if anything can be done but the damage may be irreversible. Husband says he is happy with 95% of our life, the remaining 5% is with our sexual compatibility. I have changed and he has not. The biggest threat is the change with our sex life since having children, he is unsatisfied and frustrated with our vanilla sex life and wants kinky sex. We experimented a fair bit in the beginning of our relationship but I have learned that I am a vanilla sex woman and I cannot fulfil his desires. The thought of doing what he wants fills me with dread although I do enjoy our regular sex. We have both found it difficult to communicate these things with each other however after a bad year of arguing (which we think is a result of this underlying tension) we got everything out over the weekend and have agreed to be completely honest. To give the full picture I had a very traumatic second birth and the first few years of small children had me feeling “touched out”, I also have suspected endometriosis which makes sex painful and have had minor surgery to remove pre cancerous cells from my cervix which has left me with a lot of anxiety. All of these things plus the dread of being asked to have kinky sex has reduced the Intimacy and closeness we once had. At the moment we are having sex 1-2 times a month. Our relationship feels like it’s slowly getting less attentive and my husband has implied that he loves me but is not in love with me anymore and because of this he doesn’t want to help me with housework and he wants to spend more time drinking with his friends until the early hours. He has asked what I think about him seeking services to meet his desires. I don’t think I could handle it and I can’t help but think that one desire leads to another and it won’t be a one off. Is there any alternative where my family isn’t ripped apart?? What would you do in this situation? (I’m asking purely out of curiosity) What is your opinion of my situation?

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AIBU?

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We've taken this thread down at the OP's request as they've given a lot of personal information away here.