Wrong to discuss concerns with LO's mum?

Preferpetstopeople · 2019-11-12 22:51:30

Hi everyone! First up, I'm a nanny and LOVE my job! I adore my nanny kids however I have concerns that little one aged 4 should be getting some help. She has challenging behaviours which are triggered by a multitude of things and her behaviour is increasingly violent and aggressive! Behaviours include: irrational fears- a dog is the main one currently, she goes lightheaded she holds her breath for so long when we see a dog and shakes with terror and bites me to try and force me to cross the road away from the dog, but she's also been afraid of leaves, wind and teaspoons, a motorbike driving past will render her rigid and she'll cover her ears, busy buses cause her to sob and then lash out if we can't get off but most of all it's clothes! She dislikes clothes such as tights, socks (the seams at the toes drive her to meltdown, screaming, kicking, yelling and general refusal to wear them, not ideal when she needs to go to school) anything made of wool as she finds it itchy, light coats like a rain jacket make her sticky or anything with cuffed sleeves as they are too tight! She doesn't hug either of her parents, doesn't even like to be too close to her parents but will hug me after school and holds my hand on the way to school as she understands safety is very important and unless we've had a spectacularly bad morning she doesn't usually put up a fight in regards to hand holding. Her younger sibling is absolutely terrified of her because of the meltdowns, violence, yelling and likelihood to "snap" without a seconds notice and is used to bigger sister getting her own way ALWAYS! When we watch a new movie or read a book she asks " but why?! " So many times that we can't can't continue until I've answered all the questions she has or she has an absolute hissy fit and scratches her arms because she HAS to know! LO also has issues with pooping, she'll hold for weeks until the pain is unbearable for her and is on laxitives daily to prevent a blockage but if she doesn't want to go she simply won't go! She is massively picky about food, will only eat food that is crunchy as long as she can dip it in sauce and has had the same school lunch every day since September! On the whole she is a wonderful, wonderful little girl who is incredibly articulate, has a heart warming giggle, is incredibly intelligent and very academically advanced! It breaks my heart that she finds the world so challenging and frightening! School mornings in particular are horrifying! It takes over 50 minutes for her to get underwear on but she'll change them 20 times, she refuses to wear whatever is laid out for her however if you also give her the option to choose her own clothes the night before, as soon as you acknowledge her, it leads to another meltdown and she'll refuse to get dressed at all! After a solid two hours of screaming (Her, not me, I'm calming her younger sibling who is shaking like a leaf) she is distressed, sweaty and sobbing and then we still have the shoes and coat battle ahead! She ADORES school and the horrendous morning is forgotten about the moment she waves me off at the door and can't wait to go back the following day so school isn't the issue! Her parents give in to her every whim, screech and demand for an easy life and so she absolutely governs the household and the younger sibling is often pushed aside as they are so laid back and timid! I would love to approach her parents about it as I feel I absolutely have to but after speaking to a nanny friend who'd been in a similar situation I'm terrified to approach the topic with her parents after her experience; the children's parents were FUMING and offended she shared concerns and terminated her employment! WIBU to mention concerns gently to parents then or would I come off as though I'm criticising which is of course not what I'd be doing? Common consensus is that parents will be offended and I should wait for their lead in case they ever want to investigate this behaviour?! But that absolutely feels wrong as LO is struggling and unhappy! WIBU to risk it all and mention it to her parents or would it be more unreasonable of me to keep quiet and struggle on? So sorry it's so long and if you stuck around until the end THANK YOU! And somebody please give me advice, I'm desperate!!

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We've agreed to take this old thread down for the OP for privacy reasons. Many thanks to those who responded at the time.