To tell my husband not to bring up how much money I make ever again?

user1495819916 · 2019-08-25 16:43:49

I earn £34k before tax and have a somewhat flexible job. He make £120k before tax and has been working in Europe for the past 4 months, 5 days a week and comes back of a weekend. Before it was every 4th week he would return for a full week. He is a consultant and usually ends up working at least half the year away from home. My husband seems to believe that I need to make as much money as him and he loves to throw this in my face when it suits him. He suggests thinks he has more say over our family financial decisions than I do because he makes more. Although these are non existent as a joint decision. He refuses to buy a property with me as I am unable to put half of the deposit. Currently I am unable to do so because (and unknown to him) that I am £10k in credit card debt due to him from when I was on maternity leave and that before our child he took a job abroad and I moved with him and basically lived off of my savings as he then refused to cover any expenses such as food, bills (apart from the rent) and I was unable to work due to not being able to get a visa. The credit card debt to cut a long story short was from whilst being on maternity leave. He said at that time when my salary reduced he would basically give me my monthly salary when it reduced so that I could stay at home for the full year with our child. When that time came my salary reduced he refused to give me the full amount he promised and only half of that amount. I had saved up some money myself but I used that to buy the pushchair I work full-time, am the full time carer for our child (as mentioned OH works abroad at the moment). Although even when he is home he refuses to do any of the nursery drop offs/pick ups. Literally does not lift a finger at home with chores or anything. The only thing he will do is cook his own meals which he announced he would do last year out of his own choice. Except when I’ve cooked mine and little ones meals he’ll usually pipe up and ask if he can have some as he can’t be bothered to cook We had a row over the fact he just left a broke frying pan on the side which has been there for a week expecting me to fix it. Then part of his random response was “well I pay the rent on this place”. I pay for all the utilities, council tax, Netflix, all the food shopping, all purchases for our child (including birthday/Christmas presents) he has NEVER contributed to anything for our child since he was born and that’s not just gifts that is clothing, prams, beds - everything. The cost of my car, my own personal bills such as mobile, contact lenses and of course the credit card debt. In addition I cover both families Christmas/birthday gifts. At the end of the month I have no money left and have no savings. He does pay the rent and nursery fees for 3 days a week. The other 2 days are covered as I work from home one day and my Mum covers the second day. The rest is put in his savings of which I do not know how much he puts away. A fair chunk I would imagine. We do not have a joint bank account on his insistence. Whilst on maternity leave I was told when I go back to work that I need to find a new job that pays £1000 a month more so that i could give it to him. I have tried applied for jobs with a higher salary but only not to be shortlisted and at the moment I know if our child is unwell I can go and collect him and it’s not usually a problem so I’m not overly keen starting somewhere that I don’t know may not have the same flexibility. And on top of that I know have the lowest self-esteem and confidence ever. On another occasion he told me if he earnt my salary amount he wouldn’t even bother getting out of bed for that amount. Another time he told me I should go get a job in McDonalds or in a shop as apparently they earn £40k pa! Is it unreasonable to expect to be treated as an equal partner even though I make less money? I’m a PA so there of course is a limit on what I can earn which isn’t that much than what I’m earning now. We rarely go on holiday when we do his acts like a miserable b*****d, rarely talks to me and walks 10 steps behind me. This isn’t the only issue or hurtful things that has been said to me but this gets under my skin the most. I do not love him anymore and I don’t respect him either. But I feel I have no way out at the moment. I can’t move out as I can’t afford to on my own. and can’t go stay with family as they can’t accommodate me and my child. I just feel stuck and very unhappy. I have always prided myself on being the best partner I could be and mum to our child but whatever I do just isn’t enough to compensate for my pittance of a salary apparently. I don’t think he has feelings for me anymore even though he says he does love me - he certainly doesn’t respect me. It’s apparent to me now he only most likely married to meet certain practical requirements. Does anyone have any suggestions of something I could also do at home to earn some extra money on the side to pay off the credit card debt quicker?

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Hi all

We're not too convinced that the OP is posting with the best of intentions so we're taking this thread down now.