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AIBU that I don’t think school uniform come soon under maintenance ?

(55 Posts)
Jewelledhen Tue 16-Jul-19 08:38:18

Mainly just looking for other views as it’s the first time I’m buying ( eeeeeeek)

DS starts school in September
Me and his dad split when he was 6 months- all amicable.
He pays me £150 p/m maintenance- we sorted this ourselves 4 years ago- I’m pretty sure if I went through child maintence I’d get more now

DS goes to dads 2 weekends a month, and every Monday for tea.
AIBU asking for help towards uniform? Or would you say this falls under everyday costs and should be covered by maintenance ?

ZillaPilla Tue 16-Jul-19 15:49:56

I'm still fighting for my £75 a month from ex. Luckily I have a well paid professional job, eh?

WhoKnewBeefStew Tue 16-Jul-19 15:13:56

As him but put a price in there so do your homework.

Or another alternative is, if he'd rather, get him to buy the uniform. My friend whenever asked by his ex if he could contribute would always agree, but rather than handing over cash, he prefers to go out and buy the item (his ex isn't the most reasonable, he pays well over cms recommendations)

BigRedLondonBus Tue 16-Jul-19 15:08:45

I will be getting £30 a month for 4 children as of the end of the month as ex has started claiming benefits (up until now it’s been nothing at all) aS far as I’m aware maintenance is to cover school uniform.

PookieDo Tue 16-Jul-19 14:29:35

It does depend on earnings

My ex earns more than me, probably with overtime he can take home £40k pa. He pays me £60pw for 2 DC and has done for 10 years. He’s just bought a 4 bed house has 2 cars (one new) and goes abroad every year. He has only 1 DC for 1 night per week.

When I asked for CMS review he went to town on me saying he would just drop his hours to spite me etc etc, so we came to the agreement that all other expenses are split in half. All trips all uniform etc. I could have gone to CMS and ended up with much less and it would have been horrible for my DC too, so for the sake of piece he has got his own way and it’s him who has to reconcile his stingy ways with himself (1 child won’t even visit him) and it’s been really hard but sometimes it is not always worth trying to force something to happen IMO. The non resident parent should obviously want to pay, and pay fairly but this doesn’t always happen

Chapwithwings Tue 16-Jul-19 13:46:19

For those of you saying £150pm is low.... my partner gets £98 a month from her ex husband for their son and that's what was decided by CMS. He does f* all for his kids, regularly goes out for the whole day when they come to stay at weekends and is basically a deadbeat in every single way. On the other hand, I contribute almost £1000 per month to support my 2 children and always try to ensure that all childcare decisions we make are fair and equitable. Bizarrely this leads to more conflict at home because I am "being too nice" to my ex-wife. Can't win. Sorry, rant over :-)

AnAC12UCOinanOCG Tue 16-Jul-19 13:29:58

Depends what he earns doesnt it?
No. It's ridiculously low.

AnneLovesGilbert Tue 16-Jul-19 12:34:50

Check what he should be paying through CMS.

PerfectlyNormalThankYou Tue 16-Jul-19 12:29:50

I ask every year for help towards extras. I get £90 a week for two children, he has them overnight once a week but that’s it. He doesn’t drive so I have to do all the running around and paying for petrol.

I ask for help towards uniform every year as they need new stuff due to growth every year. I also ask for help towards dance exams/uniforms if I’m struggling at the time.

stucknoue Tue 16-Jul-19 12:11:59

I suggest you say to him that now school is starting it's a good time to review maintenance, I assume it's been the same for 4 years! 50% of the initial costs and 50% of any trips is fair as they are not ongoing costs. Do check first what cms would award assuming you know his salary

supersop60 Tue 16-Jul-19 11:56:05

What Bertiebotts said.
It's not just the uniform - it's all the other expenses that come with going to school that you never had before.
This is a new (extra) cost that you should be sharing.
It's time to review the payments OP.

herculepoirot2 Tue 16-Jul-19 11:40:22

Ask him, and if he says no go to the CMS, which you should probably have done to begin with.

MonkeyTrap Tue 16-Jul-19 11:28:01

@Pinktinker

There’s a valid argument on both sides there..

tisonlymeagain Tue 16-Jul-19 11:17:19

I receive child maintenance, I think uniform should come out of that. I don't ask my ex-DH to contribute to anything other than residential school trips.

GabsAlot Tue 16-Jul-19 11:15:22

starlight they have made up their own calculation so it could be wrong

GabsAlot Tue 16-Jul-19 11:12:54

Do you know how much he earns so you can check out how much the cms would say he has to pay afaik its 15% for one child

Purpletigers Tue 16-Jul-19 11:07:51

Depends on how much he earns? Does he have a mortgage to pay ? If you claim the cb and receive tax credits he may assume the uniform should be paid from those .

Starlight456 Tue 16-Jul-19 10:59:56

legally he doesn't need to pay additional..

You could say its been 4 years , can we review maintenance or maybe pay half of uniform costs.

Shelby2010 Tue 16-Jul-19 10:55:05

Ask him to contribute £50 to school uniform, shoes etc If he says that’s what maintenance is for then tell him that the payments need reviewing in line with CMS minimum.

Pinktinker Tue 16-Jul-19 10:49:12

All you can do is ask and see what he comes back with.

When I asked my exH for a contribution he said I should buy cheaper uniform like his GF does for her DC... I said it was false economy, I’d happily buy cheap polo shirts but saw no point buying cheap shoes that would need replacing after a couple of months. He said it was my own fault then for insisting on expensive shoes hmm.

CatG85 Tue 16-Jul-19 10:43:08

My DH pays £165 for two children and that's through maintenance and also had them every other weekend and a night or two during the week for dinner, so that's not a bad deal you have BUT DH does also pay towards things like dance school, swimming, school trips etc and I'm pretty sure gives some contribution to uniform but not half.

BertieBotts Tue 16-Jul-19 10:35:49

If you realistically calculated it all you could add it all up and see that uniform is an extra.

Difference between current rent/mortgage and average cost of a place with X number fewer bedrooms/no garden/not near schools (or whatever considerations you jointly or independently made when choosing current house with children in mind). If he has done this too perhaps disregard.

Estimated proportion of weekly/monthly grocery cost, electricity, water, other utilities, TV, internet.

Estimated cost of ordinary clothing (including shoes) per year/half year/month.

Cost of any subscriptions, memberships, extra classes.

School costs - uniform, stationery, bags, sports kit, transport, trips, school dinners, PTA fundraisrers.

Childcare/after school club costs.

Estimated proportion of car costs/cost of child's public transport tickets

Cost of large one off purchases e.g. bed, car seat, safety gates, musical instrument, sports equipment, birthday parties. Unless equivalent bought for own home.

Less child benefit or any child tax credits etc.

Might be depressing to calculate this way but would at least give you an idea of realistic/fair costs.

kateandme Tue 16-Jul-19 10:31:56

plus you need to be able to discuss these things so getting it started now will help.becasue your dc is growing up so costs will change at certain points.school trips.educational costs uniform,trips,new friends meet ups etc.digital tech.they willstart grwoing faster so shoes and clothes o the increase or larger turn over and eventually uni,cars etc.itd be good if you could start these talks early.

kateandme Tue 16-Jul-19 10:28:12

could you organise a proper converation about this.so your actually talking with a needed topic.this is important so needed.
then write down bullet points of what you need to say(so he cant just disagree and your let it happen) what your thinking,what your dc needs and so therefore the costing increase etc and what you can both add to the pot for this.

Farahilda Tue 16-Jul-19 10:27:55

There will be quite a lot of random costs associated with school, not just uniform.

Maintenance shouid never be one figure, settled on when DC is a toddler, and never revised since then

I think it might be worth re-assessing maintenance level now, and going to CMS if he will not agree to pay their level (which is the minimum, and the level at which the government will at least try to enforce, not some desirable or target figure)

Waveysnail Tue 16-Jul-19 10:26:35

Price up the uniform and him for half. Or my friends ex buys school shoes, coat and bag while she buys the rest of the uniform.

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