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How long should a 3 year old be away from him mummy?

(98 Posts)
Rainbow03 Tue 23-Apr-19 07:52:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouWinAgain Tue 23-Apr-19 18:43:27

My Solicitor told me Mediation wouldn't be suitable, but the mediators can also decide that. The initial meeting is done with just you, no ex-partner he has his own separate one.

Rainbow03 Tue 23-Apr-19 18:51:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouWinAgain Tue 23-Apr-19 18:57:51

He can't drag it out. Tomorrow is our final hearing of 3. It's only lasted so long as our DD has SN.

I had a solicitor who did all the speaking for me all I had to do was confirm my name and confirm DDs name and DOB.

Erythronium Tue 23-Apr-19 18:59:59

Supervised contact only. You need to stand up to him and protect your son.

If he threatens you again or harasses you, call the police.

Rainbow03 Tue 23-Apr-19 19:03:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Surfskatefamily Tue 23-Apr-19 19:05:26

I actually think that its better to have a stable base home than being passed around so much. Personally. Id go for 1 day overnight in week plus EOWeekend.

Its not in the childs best interest 50/50 split. This is coming from me whos folks got divorced when i was 3.

I felt comfortable that mums place was home....and also that if i didnt want to go with dad i didnt have to. In the same breath, there were times i wanted to go round to dads for dinner more and thay was always ok.

YouWinAgain Tue 23-Apr-19 19:06:40

My Ex threatened the same, the courts can stop him making malicious applications to them.

I know it's scary, but it will get better. I remember being terrified of going to court, I honestly think it was the best solution for us now and we've got an arrangement that works for DD which neither of us can argue about or change.

Rainbow03 Tue 23-Apr-19 19:19:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouWinAgain Tue 23-Apr-19 19:22:32

Yes they will!

I was allowed to produce evidence for the hearing tomorrow of his continued manipulation of me, it all counts!

Rainbow03 Tue 23-Apr-19 19:27:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouWinAgain Tue 23-Apr-19 19:31:14

1st hearing was a primarily hearing to decide what was happening.

The 2nd hearing should of been the final but because of DDs SN we had to "try out" the contact agreed first to ensure it suits her.

The 3rd (and hopefully) final hearing tomorrow is to confirm if the contact is working and if any changes need to be made.

ExH originally took me to court for full custody/residency without visitation for me, and was laughed out of court. He agreed to everything I offered, no fight whatsoever, which surprised me.

Rainbow03 Tue 23-Apr-19 20:10:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GabsAlot Tue 23-Apr-19 20:20:11

thats it op theyre ful of it for the partners and then cower in front of anyone else

but if he doesnt they'll laugh him out of court

Rainbow03 Tue 23-Apr-19 20:40:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouWinAgain Tue 23-Apr-19 21:45:27

He might be manipulating you, or trying to. But if you're worried when it goes to court you can ask for a mental health assessment.

SteelRiver Tue 23-Apr-19 21:49:35

I'm probably being cynical, but my first thought was that he might be trying to get out of paying child maintenance, or to reduce the payments as much as possible.

Rainbow03 Tue 23-Apr-19 22:04:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouWinAgain Tue 23-Apr-19 22:14:35

My ex tried to do the same, I froze the bank account. He seems to think when we eventually get divorced it'll be his, but it was earned while we were together so technically it's both of ours, and I'll probably get 3/4 of it due to the debts he left me with and the fact I have our DD 13 days out of 14 (and actually see her every day as I get her up and drop her to his, then pick her up and put her to bed even on his weekend)

YouWinAgain Tue 23-Apr-19 22:15:02

*on his weekend i get her up Saturday and put her to bed Sunday

nauseous5000 Tue 23-Apr-19 22:16:18

Look, my ex sounds a lot like yours, but since DD has been 3 he's had her for 8 days at a time (22 daus over summer) He's committed to being a good (Disney) dad when she's with him. He's gone from a FFSdad, to "I won't pay but she'll be spoilt rotten and see other fam with me."

Try to chill about DS having extended time with him, but ask for FaceTime/ Skype: you and DS might not get much out of it, but you'll get comfort from seeing him alive etc. It's effing shit, but it's better than being in this position per brex

Coyoacan Wed 24-Apr-19 02:20:55

Oh dear, OP. Have you collected any evidence about his behaviour when he is angry and his drug taking?

If you haven't you need to start doing what you can to collect it. He sounds a lot like my ex-SIL, except that dd wasn't married to him and hadn't put him on the birth cert, fortunately enough. He was always a loving father, but his drug-taking and his rage when angry eventually made him too dangerous to allow near their daughter. She misses him but it is just too dangerous.

Tavannach Wed 24-Apr-19 02:35:14

Don’t respond to these demands. Seek legal advice and do it through a solicitor. Set out your concerns about the anger and drug-taking. Don’t be scared of this man

Get legal advice asap.
You need to stop him emptying the joint accounts asap, too.

albayalby Wed 24-Apr-19 11:40:45

my very existence sets him off
It isn't you, it is him. The important thing is to do you best to ensure that he doesn't behave in the same way to your ds.

@youwinagain it sounds as though you are ok with what was decided, but I find it shocking that your ex was violent and yet has your dc unsupervised at all.

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