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Did you ever worry it was too late?

(17 Posts)
CheekyTreek Fri 12-Apr-19 15:48:56

I'm in my mid thirties without any children (that I dearly wanted and still want) and not married. Doesn't look very likely to happen soon. Did anyone else worry it was too late and things turned out OK in the end?

HBStowe Fri 12-Apr-19 15:54:46

are you with someone? If so, and they aren’t keen for kids, I think you should consider whether they are a viable long term partner. If you aren’t with someone would you consider going it alone?

User12879923378 Fri 12-Apr-19 15:56:41

Yes, I did. I met my partner in our early 30s, got pregnant at 41 and we had our baby when I was 42.

User12879923378 Fri 12-Apr-19 15:57:26

My friend got married at 39 and has just had her first baby at 40. And another friend, the same age as me, is just about to have her first now at 43.

downcasteyes Fri 12-Apr-19 16:00:16

I'm speaking from the other side of the experience: of finding out I couldn't have children.

What I'd say to you is this: whatever happens, you will handle it. There is no "good" or "bad" path through life. Things may fall just right for you and you find the right person and have children. Alternatively, you can have children by yourself, without a partner. Or you can choose not to have them. Whichever option opens out for you, you will find it has good and bad in it, and you will make something of it. flowers

Asta19 Fri 12-Apr-19 16:39:03

Ultimately no one can say if it's "too late" for you. We all have different fertility. Yes some women have a baby over 40, many more do not. Many who can get pregnant over 40 are not able to actually carry the baby to term. You have no real way of knowing without trying. If it's that important to you then go it alone. It doesn't mean you'll always be alone. Many people with DC meet new partners. Realistically, you could get a partner any time. You can't have a baby any time, whatever your window is, there is a window that will close.

AlmostAJillSandwich Fri 12-Apr-19 16:49:47

I'm 29, cant have kids, disabled and my ong distance relationship ended a week ago. I'm that broken that its too late, i'll never be loved, never marry etc its actually making me pretty suicidal like whats the point of just existing alone and unhappy.

gottastopeatingchocolate Fri 12-Apr-19 16:56:01

@AlmostAJillSandwich - sorry that you are feeling so bad.

Your relationship broke up a week ago. It's all fresh, and sounds overwhelming. But there is NO reason to think you'll never be loved. Can you talk to someone IRL and get some TLC until you feel a bit better?

OP, I had my only DC at 44. Life can turn one way or another in a moment.

incrediblehux Fri 12-Apr-19 16:57:48

I met my husband just before my 35th birthday. We married when we were both 36 and became parents last year. I'm not yet 40 and hope for another child. No one can promise you that it will all turn out as you hope, but you don't know. I had pretty much given up hope and it's happened for me.

Susanna30 Fri 12-Apr-19 17:15:36

If you really want a child make it happen. Alone, if that's what the situation is.

I am in my late twenties and have been ttc for almost a year. I wouldn't wait for 'mr right' if I was in your position, time is too precious.

Rememberallball Fri 12-Apr-19 17:26:07

Met my now DH in May 2014 when I was 42. We married in September the following year and I am currently 15 week pregnant with twins due in the autumn. I would say it’s never too late to hope that things will change so long as you also do something about being in a position to get yourself out and about to meet people.

EleanorOalike Fri 12-Apr-19 17:34:35

I’ve just turned 35 and think it’s game over for me now for marriage and biological children. At 33, I started researching adopting as a single person and since then have been getting everything in place (finances, single parent friendly career, own home with enough bedrooms, counselling for my own childhood issues, building a strong support network.) I am starting to grieve for the life I wanted and the biological children i’ll most likely never had. Hoping I’ll get past that soon. The worst thing at the moment is realising that although I have so much love to give and I’ve already given so much love to others and looked after them, I’ve never once had it reciprocated or experienced love (romantic or familial) myself. It feels like I’m in a really horrible stage right now but I think that’s partly because of all the work I’m having to do emotionally so that I’m ready to adopt when the time comes (2.5 years from now). I’ve a lot of experience with looked after children so I know what I need to do to get ready and how demanding it will be. I’d honestly end it all tomorrow if I knew I was never going to be a Mum.

Asta19 Fri 12-Apr-19 17:47:01

@EleanorOalike
Your child is going to be so lucky to have you. You sound like an amazing woman and someone who is going to make a fantastic mum.

EleanorOalike Fri 12-Apr-19 17:48:01

@Asta19 Thank you so much, that’s one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me x

LividLaughLove Fri 12-Apr-19 18:00:32

Yes, so I'm going solo with donor IVF.

It's not the life I'd envisaged when I got divorced in my twenties, but I know what's most important to me and it's a family, even if that doesn't include a chap. I can find one of those later but my fertility won't last much longer - nearly £30k on IVF later it's barely holding out already.

I just wish I'd started this process sooner.

Rertee Fri 12-Apr-19 18:58:06

Soooooooo many people I know worried it was too late and it turned out it wasn't and they are married with kids/ married and child-free by choice now.
You need to be making positive steps to make it happen though.
X

cleanhousewastedlife Sat 13-Apr-19 12:26:08

I married at 35 and by then it was too late for us to have children. We don't think that adoption is for us. What I've done is change career so now I'm surrounded by young people in my favourite age group, so I get to indulge my caring instinct but also have my freedom. One of the most useful things anyone ever said to me about having a child is that "it is just another relationship" and what I've done since then is concentrate on the relationships I CAN make rather than the ones I can't. Don't worry if it's too late. You might become a biological mum, a step mum, a godmother, an unofficial aunt. It is never too late to change lives by loving people.

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