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I feel like we're drifting.....

(33 Posts)
chuckles1066 Sun 07-Apr-19 17:45:19

So we've been together since 1984. Lots of ups and downs, pretty standard for any couple who've been together that long I guess.

I'm going through the change, I can't deny that. He is 55, I'm 52.

My husband gets up at 5a.m every day to get to his gym at 6a.m. He spends two and a bit hours working out before going to work and he gets home at just after 6 every night.

He is 10st 10lbs, 13% body fat but isn't obsessive about things; there is heart disease in his family so he is mindful of that. But he will happily eat a takeaway, he just believes in trying to keep himself up together.

He likes a drink at home a couple of nights a week and that's where the red mist comes down for me.

My dad used to come home from work and take the weekly pay packet (when you were paid weekly in cash back in the day) down to the local British Legion where he'd blow the lot; I think that's where I'm mentally scarred.

Am I wrong to have a go at my husband for a couple of drinks a week?

He tells me that he feels like he's in a cage and I'm poking him with a stick. Idiot.

HopeClearwater Sun 07-Apr-19 19:08:42

perhaps you ought to have married someone teetotal if you find it so triggering

If you’d grown up in an alcoholic household you might understand where the OP is coming from. No need to be so hard about it. There aren’t a lot of teetotallers in this booze-soaked society either. Anyway, you go back to your bucket of Prosecco ...

Isohungy Sun 07-Apr-19 19:16:25

hope I am teetotal for that very reason- please do not make assumptions.
I also thought long and hard about whether I'd be able to feel at ease around a drinking partner. This doesn't sound like a new issue for the OP and whilst I fully empathise with her history, it should only explain and not excuse what is essentially controlling behaviour towards her DH.

HopeClearwater Sun 07-Apr-19 22:42:10

Ah I apologise @Isohungry

HopeClearwater Sun 07-Apr-19 22:42:38

Or even @Isohungy

I should know better. flowers

AtrociousCircumstance Sun 07-Apr-19 22:45:04

OP how much does he drink when he drinks? Is it two drinks or is it more?

Cherrysoup Sun 07-Apr-19 22:47:06

Yabmassivelyu and I think you know it. Does he get pissed? Out of control? Or is he having a couple of drinks then stopping? It’s quite normal, Ime, to have a few drinks during the week. Unless he’s a raging alcoholic who saves his binge drinking for these two nights, then yabu. He’s not the one with issues.

nokidshere Sun 07-Apr-19 22:53:16

It's quite a long time to have been together for this to be an issue now? Has something happened?

We have been together since 1983 and I also have an issue with drinking because of a violent alcoholic father, but DH has known this since day 1 and has moderated his drinking to accommodate my fears (which have reduced greatly over the years because I know I can trust him)

So it seems a long time to have been living with this fear or something else has happened to bring it to the fore?

Isohungy Mon 08-Apr-19 17:47:07

Hope, with hindsight I can see my first response could have been misread with a tone that wasn't intended. But thank you none the less flowers

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