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To hate these social media obsessed days?

(79 Posts)
knobblykneesandturnedouttoes Sun 07-Apr-19 16:42:10

Went out for dinner with friends last night. Go out with them about once a month but I’m really starting to not want to go. We have a nice time together but every time we go we now have about 100 photos taken. I really hate having my picture taken but where it used to be one photo of us all together, Apparently now we have to all have selfies, then all the food and cocktails have to be photographed. Then group photos. Then puddings. Even the coffees/hotchocolates were photographed. Later in the evening 2 of us went to the toilets together and my friend actually tried to get me to have a photo with her. I drew the line at that and said I’d rather not but felt like a joyless freak with the shocked look she gave me.

I love these ladies we’ve been friends since school. But I feel sad that they’re becoming so Snapchat/instagram obsessed. Maybe I’m boring. Maybe I’m old before my time. I just feel like this is such a teenage thing to do. We’re all late 30’s not kids.

I don’t mind a group photo with them or the odd one or two through the night but it seems like they’re always on their phones. Anyway I think I might give the next one a miss.

Or do I say something? I mean we’re very close but I think they might think I’m being snobby or judgy

CrazyAllAroundMe Mon 08-Apr-19 23:25:41

YADNBU I have social media accounts but I'm older now, had them in various forms since my twenties, and yahoo and AOL chat rooms way back when. I never take selfies and my lips with age have thinned so duck face has never appealed! I do find myself tagged by friends when out I just untag unless I'd choose to share it myself. We're all quite similar in that we have phones down nights. Maybe the odd group pic for the geriatric memory jog down the line.
I'm devastated for my DDs generation though. She has me constantly on the no filter stance and is quite unique among friends in that she has no need for self validation. 11/12/13yr olds in full make up, filters, scribbling out their own faces in daytime group pics and then in obscenely little clothes alongside poking out bottoms, hand on hips, chest forward; sexual type poses. Of children. Its frustrating to see the future insecurities their parents are not shielding their perfect baby girls from. And I say this as an obsessive photo taker. A life fully documented by thousands of photos that jog a foggy memory or 10 everytime I look through them, I've cried with happiness, embarrassment and pride at times. But they were nearly all natural, in the moment. Loads from disposables in earlier years. SM is a curse for the young and vulnerable. So many falsified lives and bullies galore. It's very sad.

MarkleSparkle Mon 08-Apr-19 22:43:30

YANBU. I hate it. Fortunately my close friends aren’t into it at all. I have one other friend who is always sending me selfies of herself though. And pictures of her meals. I never really know what to say...

I haven’t logged into FB for weeks, if not months. I don’t miss it at all.

1633tonow Mon 08-Apr-19 22:39:39

...but when they changed it to 'friends of friends' it got weird.”

Yes! And people don’t realise how far reaching it goes with ads they’ve looked at, other sites, friends of friends interests... The lack of privacy is amazing.

Years ago, when it was not that naff to be on, someone from work tried to convince me to have a page and showed me hers. Up popped all this clairvoyant stuff and pictures she had posted of herself with orbs and scratches from poltergeist. We were at work. This was a line manager. She was blush.

MissMogwai Mon 08-Apr-19 22:33:00


I actively avoid nights out with certain groups because of the constant picture taking. It's ridiculous and I just don't see the point.

I don't get this obsession with documenting every minute on camera rather than you know, enjoying the night out.

stuckinagut Mon 08-Apr-19 22:25:01

I really have come to hate FB - it was fun about 10 yrs ago when we were students and you could only see your direct friends stuff but when they changed it to 'friends of friends' it got weird. My newsfeed is mainly group pages and I 'hide' annoying people who are clearly using FB to be smug about their life and don't actually communicate like a friend in RL. I prefer the way that Twitter works although this is supposedly ruining our capacity for long trains of th....

weleasewoderick22 Mon 08-Apr-19 11:35:00

You are DNBU!

I took the dog out yesterday to a local dog walking spot. There were people there videoing and taking pictures of their dogs and put it straight on social media. Whilst people are looking at their phones, the dogs are shitting and they weren't picking it up because they were so busy.

It's a god walk ffs!!

Amongstthewildthings Mon 08-Apr-19 10:15:10

I also think it makes it impossible to meet certain friends without a ton of makeup or nice clothes on or your hair done in case they need photos. I actually think it's changed how people dress. You can see the people who are dressing for the photo rather than the occasion itself. It would be nice to just bump into friends as my messy, scruffy self without needing to 'dress' for SM, fortunately I have few friends who do this.

jellybellybeanz Mon 08-Apr-19 10:15:03

That's why I don't have any social media platforms. I fucking hate all of them!

goingonabearhunt1 Mon 08-Apr-19 10:00:01

Posting constantly to fb seems pretty tragic tbh. YANBU OP.

Amongstthewildthings Mon 08-Apr-19 09:55:19

I have FB and Instagram and used to use both all the time. I enjoyed the buzz of getting a like or a comment. I was seeking validation, if I analyse it, because I only ever posted things I considered to be impressive. As I built up stronger real life friendships and got into a relationship, I realised I really didn't need or value that kind of attention anymore because validation was coming from elsewhere. But I feel that SM fills the void for many because we live in increasingly isolated societies where community spirit, enduring relationships and meaningful work is lacking. Technology fills this void with instant gratification and distraction - all things we crave.

SM does have its place but it's true that it has taken over many social interactions. I see couples on their phones, endless selfies rather than asking someone to take a photo. I find it quite sad how it has changed how many people behave.

BlackPrism Mon 08-Apr-19 09:44:59

Could you tell them you're trying to get a handle on your own SM usage and ask them to help this by making dinner a phone-free zone?
Giving up SM is very en vogue with people my age right now (younger millennial) so you can assure them it's cool

AuntMarch Mon 08-Apr-19 09:43:32

Well that turned into quite a rambling post.... Sorry OP, back to the question, YANBU!

AuntMarch Mon 08-Apr-19 09:42:55

I've been considering deleting Facebook too, or at least the app so it's not such a habit to have a "quick look" and then realise it's 45 minutes later and the kettle finished boiling 43 minutes ago and I still haven't made a cup of tea.

I like Twitter and insta - but I don't follow "real people" on there - I use Twitter for football or comedy content mostly, and insta for recipes, work related inspiration, and I follow some outdoor/walking based hash tags that motivate me to get out more myself.

I follow lots of work related pages on Facebook too which are actually very useful. Maybe I should actually delete all the people rather than the platform (or new account would be much quicker).
I really don't care about 95% of what appears on my newsfeed so why the hell am I spending so much time scrolling through it 🤷

Milicentbystander72 Mon 08-Apr-19 09:32:28

OP I could have written your post almost word for word.

I have a group of friends who I see once a month. Only one woman in this group is a close friend. The others are acquaintances.
They ALL do this fb thing, constantly. I'm tagged in all of them. I hate having my photograph taken. I actively get dragged in the every group shot, selfie on my side of the table, selfie by the car, selfie getting a drink. It's so fucking tedious. I have begged them not to be in them but it falls on deaf ears.
All the photos are taken from the ceiling too, so most of the women look like they have little elfin chins and big eyes.

The last time they went out I cried off. I just couldn't bear it. They still tagged me in all their selfies though as #missing.

One of the women in the group is outrageous on fb for trying to get attention. She photographs any medication she's on (with no explanation expecting people to ask - I never do). She also a serial checker-in at hospitals. She also has a 'face-tune' app and when she takes a selfie of her and her 15 ye old daughter she actually looks younger than her dd and like she's fallen into an airbrush. Urgh.

In contrast, I went away the other weekend with a completely different group of friends. We had a lovely log cabin and a hot tub for 2 nights. We laughed, cried, caught up with all sorts and not one mention went on SM. It was liberating!

ForalltheSaints Mon 08-Apr-19 08:34:00

YANBU- just say you hate your photo being taken but will agree to one group shot.

Youseethethingis Mon 08-Apr-19 08:30:35

YANBU. They sound like absolute dullards. However, I do think people who do this are trying to cover up their own unhappiness to a certain degree, so trying to think kind thoughts. It’s very draining to be around though.

Mumphineasandferbmadea Mon 08-Apr-19 08:28:49

My dd 14 gave up social media a year ago for this reason. She had her phone taken away and was out with friends they were all sitting at a table and no one was talking then suddenly one of them said selfie and with that they were all smiling and making out they were having the best time ever then went straight back to their phones. She said that it was so sad and weird she didn't want to be part of it anymore. When lost quite a few friends from it but has now made some great ones and spends her time reading or out at the skate park. She does use her phone for YouTube etc but not alot else.

I just wish I could break away from the lure of it. I hate photos of myself so it would probably do me the world of good mentally to leave but it keeps dragging me back.

Subeccoo Mon 08-Apr-19 07:45:22

I'm already dreading meeting friends for tea and cake later this week for this reason. It always has to be a thing, with over posed pics, a couple of them are very popular on social media and get loads of likes no matter what they post etc, I'm not and don't, I'm just not that into it but I always dread the pic taking part of the meet up...

LoubyLou1234 Mon 08-Apr-19 07:32:01

I'll do the odd selfie or group shot on occasion and occasionally do a post mainly on Instagram. It's nice to document a night out or gathering, outing etc ( I mean briefly and uploading when home or the next day) just like when we used to take a disposable camera out on a night out/day out. I see my Instagram as a photo album of memories.

However it would annoy me for that amount of posing and posting. Be in the moment and enjoy! If you are telling the world you are having a great night 10 times or more surely it's not that great!

We were in Budapest at the Gelert baths and while in the outdoor pool noticed a girl in a bikini above us on a higher ledge posing with her selfie stick. Honestly she was there doing loads of poses for about 20 mins. What a waste of time.The baths were lovely and yeah lots of photos could be taken but our phones stayed in our lockers and we just enjoyed the visit (and the wave pool)

MamaBear8686 Mon 08-Apr-19 07:15:18

I feel the same OP. Always feel rubbish when I go out with a particular group of friends anyway as they're all a lot thinner/prettier than me and then having g to stop what we're doing every 5 minutes to pose for photos that I hate really bugs me. Got to the point where I'd dread looking at what I'd been tagged in the next day.

Not sure what you can do about it really, I wouldn't say it's worth losing friends over. Just try and duck out when you can

VirginiaWolfHall Mon 08-Apr-19 07:11:39

I deleted FB and Insta at the end of last year and am coping just fine without them. I don’t think I’ll ever go back! The longer I’m off them, the weirder it all seems to me; it’s scary how normalised it all felt before to willingly post details of our lives up onto some flipping Orwellian data monitor... I honestly think the majority of the population is sleepwalking.

I fear for my teen dds and their friends quite frankly, luckily while my two like to post they have me being an old fart and telling them that there’s actually another world out there but I know a lot of kids aren’t getting any form of parental or social antidote to what they perceive as perfectly normal.

Siameasy Sun 07-Apr-19 23:09:27

It’s utterly grim everywhere you go people are videoing everything rather than experiencing it
I go for dinner with people and they’re on their phone
I refuse to use it any more. I tested myself by logging back onto FB and it was so depressing. It’s so empty because we crave real connection and we don’t get it.
However I am as bad as the next person in that I find myself on my phone all the bloody time

Inthehatbox Sun 07-Apr-19 22:28:43

Even our school took photos at the Mothers Day service and put them on the internet hmm. Everyone is obsessed.

Fedupflo Sun 07-Apr-19 22:24:37

I'm not on social media any more but it still affects the way I behave and spoils things. Who wants to go out and let their hair down in a group when someone is bound to whip out their phone and have your tipsy karaoke all round everywhere without so much as a by your leave. sad

Peopleshouldread Sun 07-Apr-19 22:22:22

@WallyThe Washer. Agree with you 100%.
There are some very scary reports coming out on the NHS and in America about how social media is causing an increase in mental health issues amongst teens( especially girls - rise in eating disorders among other things), affecting the way they work, socialise, don't learn to drive, can't conduct good interpersonal relationships and is teaching them bad life lessons about beauty and money being the most important things to strive for.

It's only been around for about 10 years. It's a social experiment unleashed on the population with no control parameters.
If you are interested Dm me, and I'll send you through a couple of the studies. It's depressing reading.

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