To hate these social media obsessed days?(79 Posts)
Went out for dinner with friends last night. Go out with them about once a month but I’m really starting to not want to go. We have a nice time together but every time we go we now have about 100 photos taken. I really hate having my picture taken but where it used to be one photo of us all together, Apparently now we have to all have selfies, then all the food and cocktails have to be photographed. Then group photos. Then puddings. Even the coffees/hotchocolates were photographed. Later in the evening 2 of us went to the toilets together and my friend actually tried to get me to have a photo with her. I drew the line at that and said I’d rather not but felt like a joyless freak with the shocked look she gave me.
I love these ladies we’ve been friends since school. But I feel sad that they’re becoming so Snapchat/instagram obsessed. Maybe I’m boring. Maybe I’m old before my time. I just feel like this is such a teenage thing to do. We’re all late 30’s not kids.
I don’t mind a group photo with them or the odd one or two through the night but it seems like they’re always on their phones. Anyway I think I might give the next one a miss.
Or do I say something? I mean we’re very close but I think they might think I’m being snobby or judgy
YANBU. It’s just caused a massive fallout within our family to the point that people are NC due to others lack of regard to privacy boundaries WRT social media. Used properly it can be great, used improperly it’s a bloody nightmare
To be honest it’s not just the social media part that bothers me it’s the constant stopping to smile etc. I’m not photogenic and I have low self esteem anyway so having my picture taken has always been horrible for me.
That’s my issue, and shouldn’t affect their night out. I just can’t relax.
I'm also beginning to hate the nice photo pressure. I was out the other night and I just sensed no one was entirely relaxed because there is this expectation to perform on social media. Every time I went to the loo it was full of young ladies taking selfies.
It's a bit dystopian
Yanbu. It’s definitely worth telling them you’re finding it a bit overwhelming to be constantly taking photos instead of enjoying your time out. If they’re decent friends they’ll stop rather than have you miss out on seeing them.
I fucking hate it too. Let's be friends x
YANBU I hate it too. Why can't they just enjoy the moment FFS?!
I hate it also I recently just deleted Instagram and a lot of social media apps going through a bad spell of Anxiety and I realised that a lot of is fuelled by stuff I read or see online. Every single one of my friends lives their life on Instagram 24.7 and it sickens me I have a friend who would post a photo of their child when their on the potty and it's just to much. But even since I've deleted the apps I'm still on my phone way to much I've just replaced the apps with other stuff I do get fufillment out of but that still annoys me
I love to take photos to remember a night out. But that’s usually one or two. Taking hundreds through the night is strange - you’re meant to be enjoying each other’s company not curating a blog.
So with you on this!
Sick to death of EVERY occassion becoming a photo opportunity or “tag” - so tedious and attention seeking. In fact I utterly rue the day we became so SM fuelled and obsessed.
Glad I’m not the only one! I felt like the only one last night. The tables at all sides of us were doing the same so I’m certainly looking ugly in the background of a few more photos than the ones I knew about. Literally every few seconds there was a flash from somewhere.
YANBU. I've just quit social media, permanently I think. I was only on Instagram and Facebook and I don't miss them in the slightest. I just read a book called Digital Minimalism and it really put me off the whole thing. I'm fed up with my opinions, mood and information consumption being constantly nudged and controlled by big media corporations for their massive financial gain.
I'm afraid MN is going to have to go too though. It's too addictive and opinion-forming and can definitely affect my mood!
I hate it too. A friend of mine documents every mundane detail of her life on FB. Photos of her kids doing everydaily things like eating, bathing, playing on the beach, at ballet, having ice cream, with captions about how amazing they are and what a proud mummy she is. Lots of hashtags! Photos of herself she photoshops so if you hadn't met her in real life you'd think she was slim with bright white teeth and strikingly light blue penetrating eyes. She puts the same filter on her daughter's eyes which seems bizarre and sad. Every trip to A&E gets documented too. And the inside of every holiday caravan including the toilet, appears on my news feed!?!
Her latest thing is an Instagram page about 'doing good deeds' she plans to document every good deed she does. This includes volunteering. Surely you do good deeds or volunteer to make a difference to others, not to brag about on social media? It all comes across so false and attention seeking.
In real life she's a nice girl, she's said a few times she's bored being a SAHM. Maybe SM gives her a self esteem boost, or a stage to act out a fantasy version of her life.
Hate social media and came off it.
Hate this need to photograph absolutely everything and I consciously try not to go crazy.
Feels like the fucking end times.
At least future generations will know what happened to us; ‘They disappeared up their own arseholes.’
Yanbu. I hate it, I am only on MN now as a social platform.
I hate it more with DC, no moment can be enoyed without a camera in the childs face.
I hate it too. I hate having my picture taken. I hate having to wait to eat my food so someone can a photo of it first. Who the fuck really cares?! I hate that I'm probably in the background of lots of peoples selfies. I hate that people cant just live in the fucking moment anymore!
Heres to hoping people become a little less self absorbed and less 'keeping up with the Jones's' and social media dies a fast but painful death!
*Feels like the fucking end times.
At least future generations will know what happened to us; ‘They disappeared up their own arseholes.*
I wonder where this will go? I find certain people I know barely even text or WhatsApp anymore yet when I do see them they are on FB/Insta whilst I am with them.
They are good friends, love them to bits, and would almost definitely tone it down if I asked them to. But I don’t want to make them uncomfortable, so the next time we’re out, I would hate for them to want to take a photo and then feel they have to stop themselves. They won’t be relaxed and enjoying themselves either then!
Might ask them to consider one ‘no phone’ night. Just to see how it affects things.
My pet hate as well. People not living in the moment now and don't experience anything. Nights out, gigs, sporting events people behind their phones filming rather than enjoying the experience. The odd photo is fine but everything else is just overkill
Yes! I saw a video on YouTube where ed Sheeran was pulling in people for a 1 to 1 gig. Most of the people were recording him on their phones and watching it through the screen rather than him right infront of them!!!
I had a friend like this, would constantly tag me in things when we went out, constantly checking their phone for likes while we were together. It got me in trouble as I had an abusive boyfriend at the time and he used it as a way to keep track of me.
I have a family member who lives their life on Facebook, complete with a billion hashtags with every update and of course plenty of of selfies and pictures of her in her underwear. I dread the day she gets pregnant as the updates will triple in number.
I think the worst though was at a concert a few months ago and I had the tallest guy in front of me which was bad enough, but as soon it started he stood up, pulled out an IPad and proceeded to stream the whole thing to Facebook live. For the entire show. I mean get a life!
Hate it! People are now ONLY doing things in order to have a photo to post on SM. It’s like nothing happened unless it was posted online. Disgusting and I am scared for my children in regards to when they’re teens.
I do have an instagram account, I rarely post and I never post pictures of my son unless he is facing away and cannot be identified.
It’s an odd one, my ex uses it a lot as it’s essentially vital for his career, he isn’t overly posy etc though and will happily post a picture where he looks like he has been dragged through a hedge backwards. People’s reactions are extreme though, he once posted a picture of us together and tagged me in for all of thirty seconds before removing it, but the damage was done, it was shared, screen shotted etc and I got literally thousands of horrid messages etc from jealous fans, not a pleasant thing to experience.
I would never post someones photo without their permission, I wouldn’t intentionally take someone’s picture without their permissio either, it’s a very personal thing.
I recently got rid of Facebook and instagram. I've still got messenger. I was sick of seeing people showing off things I didn't deem worthy of showing off, it was bringing me no pleasure and I felt myself rolling my eyes far too much.
I have to laugh though, two of my friends have actually started using messenger to send me the crap they post on Facebook. "Don't I look nice today?" "Look at the cake I've made!" "Doesn't this stir fry look lush" 🙄
I just don't even know what to say
I notice this reliance on pictures to tell the world how great everything is.
I may out myself but I’ve given up social media for lent. It’s been very refreshing and done my mental health the world of good. I don’t intend on going back tbh.
Have deleted apps for FB and Insta, have taken fewer pictures myself (not that I took a lot and shared my life but I was becoming “stuck” to my phone and thinking “that’s a good picture for Insta ), have been present with my family and unplugged from it all. It’s only MN I’ve been on and tbh that’s been too much too (dam the iPhone weekly update on usage )
One thing I have found is the lack of contact from friends whilst being off SM. We are so reliant on SM feeding us information on people’s lives. Not heard from more than 5 friends since pancake day (I’ve also called friends and done my part but it hasn’t exactly been two way with some people)
pretty whilst i agree, I guess that would happen either way?
Social media aside, I had a few friends who I used to see fairly regularly and then one day I thought about it and realised it's always me planning these. Well I haven't heard from them since and its really sad.
Perhaps it’s my age but no one in my social circle does this, thank goodness. It would be beyond odd if anyone got out their phone to take a photo during an evening out. <obviously we are old gimmers>.
One thing I have found is the lack of contact from friends whilst being off SM. We are so reliant on SM feeding us information on people’s lives. Not heard from more than 5 friends since pancake day sad (I’ve also called friends and done my part but it hasn’t exactly been two way with some people)
100%. I think people forget about you and FB was a prompt. I really wish the whole thing would implode along with the DM and Kardashians (but keep Mumsnet!!!)
Yes it's annoying. However I get more annoyed that my dh is constantly on it but when I ask him why when we are out he gets shirty. It's just an awful habit people have got into instead of respecting the company you are in.
It will have its day and something else will replace it, those of us with younger children have the opportunity to attempt to sway them away im trying very hard! What happened to taking your disposal camera out on a night out?!
Both me and dh aren't in sm anymore and like you say people drift as your not ramming updates up their nose constantly.
Embarrassing enough my df has stumbled across fb in his pensioner years and is hooked! Really hopes that passes, he doesn't post but gives us a commentary of what he sees! Lol
I don't know many people who behave like that - sil did a facebook post when we were out and we all queried why she felt the need - she said she wanted everyone to know she was having a nice time - but we weren't enjoying each other's company whilst she was posting. She is the only one thankfully - I'd hate it - even our teens know better than to behave like that - phones whilst socialising is a no no.
Just don’t join in with it. Can’t you explain to them that it’s all a bit, erm, not classy?!
It reeks of desperation! Tell them to stop it!
I hate it so now the only social media I do is Mumsnet. I’m thinking of taking a break from it though as this site is unbelievably addictive.
I was recently out for a meal and the table next to us was a large inter generational of about 15 people. The grandparents were very elderly and infirm but the teenagers of the party spent the entire time glued to their screen and I just found it very sad.
One of our relatives is mercilessly teased for posting food pictures whenever she goes out. Even an M&S sandwich gets the Facebook treatment! She came from a poor family though and I think eating out is still a huge treat for her even though she’s in her 50s.
I think this is the reason some people do it. They find going out a huge treat and something special. Others, who do it a lot, just want to show off however!
YANBU. I went out with friends last night. None of us are on Facebook or snapbook or whatever the latest wanky social shit is. No photos were taken, nobody had their phones out, nobody other than us knew we were there. It’s called privacy and it rocks. I don’t really need for Roger who I haven’t seen or spoke to in 25 years to know that I ate a prawn fajita in Wetherspoons. Nobody cares. We had the best night. It’s called being a grown up and being normal.
Me!!!! No social media accounts other than Mumsnet. People think this is really weird and there’s a bit of a “who does she think she is” type reaction, it’s nothing to do with snobbery (far from it, I am the furthest thing from a snob) and more to do with 1) how I compare my life to others on social media and think mine is rubbish and 2) I hate the lack of privacy
Also people think I have DD chained up in the loft and we never do anything nice together because I don’t document it all on Facebook to prove what a good mummy I am 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
I have a really lovely friend who posts the most mundane drivel. She adopted a cat recently. The cat had to stay indoors for the first 2 weeks. When the cat could finally go out she posted it on Facebook. She received a bunch of petrol station flowers from a visitor yesterday so had to post a picture of them ?? They werent particularly nice! It's all boring crap and belongs in just your life and not everyone else's. I detest having my photo taken. I can't understand why everyone wants to keep photographing themselves and everything else. It's complete and utter boring shit.
It’s difficult though because while I do hate it, I have Facebook too. I post on it probably about once every 6-8 weeks, with a photo of my kids, for relatives who live away to keep in touch with them. So I do feel it’s a valuable thing. I also enjoy seeing friends and family and their updates on Facebook.
I hide the ones who post 3 or 4 times a day with how they’re feeling/ what they’re eating/ what their partner has done. And I’m only friends with actual friends or family.
So I don’t feel like I should be dictating to them about their social media. I’d be upset if someone tried to tell me to stop using it.
I suppose I just wish someone never started the latest craze of documenting every moment, and we could go back to when Facebook was for special moments.
Sometimes I go to work on a Monday and I know that my colleague has had a row with her boyfriend on a Friday night, but then he’s bought her flowers and they’ve made up. Or that my boss has queued for hours to buy something in Argos and she didn’t like it so had to queue for hours to return it. And she was fuming about it!
It all seems so ridiculous.
Snapchat too, I have it, and use it to actually chat with these same friends via the private messaging part. But when I got home, I had about 30 snaps. All from them.
It’s difficult though because while I do hate it, I have Facebook too. I post on it probably about once every 6-8 weeks, with a photo of my kids, for relatives who live away to keep in touch with them.
Yeah but you could just as easily email them to be fair.
There's no need for anyone to be putting photos of other people on social media sites without their permission and that includes kids imo.
I have not had social media since 2012. I have never regretted not having it. It also makes me see people who are social media obsessed through a different lens, the mental illness and self mutilation in terms of cosmetic surgery that only looks good in a photoshopped picture is much more apparent to me... I feel like I'm one of a small group of normal people these days. I also am far from family, but I use the ancient technology of email when sending pictures of our DC. 🤷
Social media has gone way overboard
It rules so many people's lives
I recently deleted fb and it is the best thing I've ever done
Oh, and when are people going to start showing their teeth and smiling again?
Those stupid fucking duck face pouts. It's tiresome and ridiculous
I would not post info/pics of your kids publically on social media. Otherwise you are practically handing them over to identity theives of the future imo. Mother's maiden name, birth date, school name, town they grew up in, pictures of home, hobbies etc all available online... It's mad what some people do to their kids.
Social media is the reason for the explosion in mental illness.
Sign of the times now, I used to love reading a good book before bed but now I can’t remember what it feels like to read anything other than a phone. I might start to put my phone down an hour before bed and not look at it till I’m on the loo the next morning..........oh c’mon! as iif everyone else doesn’t do it.
YANBU, I hate it that some people feel the need to document every last piss, shit and fart. My DM is one of these people who had to tell everyone what she is doing. Every time she goes to a restaurant or pub or cafe she checks in, eating out with her is a nightmare because she will check in and tag you in it. Drives me potty because I generally don't like people knowing what I'm doing and where I am.
Just the other day she bought a pair of jeans from a fairly mundane high street shop, took a photo of them and uploaded it to Facebook. A few days before that she went to a well known store and boasted how she'd spent £££. I mean why? Who gives a shit?
willgym change your fb settings so that you have to approve what you are tagged in.
@WallyThe Washer. Agree with you 100%.
There are some very scary reports coming out on the NHS and in America about how social media is causing an increase in mental health issues amongst teens( especially girls - rise in eating disorders among other things), affecting the way they work, socialise, don't learn to drive, can't conduct good interpersonal relationships and is teaching them bad life lessons about beauty and money being the most important things to strive for.
It's only been around for about 10 years. It's a social experiment unleashed on the population with no control parameters.
If you are interested Dm me, and I'll send you through a couple of the studies. It's depressing reading.
I'm not on social media any more but it still affects the way I behave and spoils things. Who wants to go out and let their hair down in a group when someone is bound to whip out their phone and have your tipsy karaoke all round everywhere without so much as a by your leave.
Even our school took photos at the Mothers Day service and put them on the internet . Everyone is obsessed.
It’s utterly grim everywhere you go people are videoing everything rather than experiencing it
I go for dinner with people and they’re on their phone
I refuse to use it any more. I tested myself by logging back onto FB and it was so depressing. It’s so empty because we crave real connection and we don’t get it.
However I am as bad as the next person in that I find myself on my phone all the bloody time
I deleted FB and Insta at the end of last year and am coping just fine without them. I don’t think I’ll ever go back! The longer I’m off them, the weirder it all seems to me; it’s scary how normalised it all felt before to willingly post details of our lives up onto some flipping Orwellian data monitor... I honestly think the majority of the population is sleepwalking.
I fear for my teen dds and their friends quite frankly, luckily while my two like to post they have me being an old fart and telling them that there’s actually another world out there but I know a lot of kids aren’t getting any form of parental or social antidote to what they perceive as perfectly normal.
I feel the same OP. Always feel rubbish when I go out with a particular group of friends anyway as they're all a lot thinner/prettier than me and then having g to stop what we're doing every 5 minutes to pose for photos that I hate really bugs me. Got to the point where I'd dread looking at what I'd been tagged in the next day.
Not sure what you can do about it really, I wouldn't say it's worth losing friends over. Just try and duck out when you can
I'll do the odd selfie or group shot on occasion and occasionally do a post mainly on Instagram. It's nice to document a night out or gathering, outing etc ( I mean briefly and uploading when home or the next day) just like when we used to take a disposable camera out on a night out/day out. I see my Instagram as a photo album of memories.
However it would annoy me for that amount of posing and posting. Be in the moment and enjoy! If you are telling the world you are having a great night 10 times or more surely it's not that great!
We were in Budapest at the Gelert baths and while in the outdoor pool noticed a girl in a bikini above us on a higher ledge posing with her selfie stick. Honestly she was there doing loads of poses for about 20 mins. What a waste of time.The baths were lovely and yeah lots of photos could be taken but our phones stayed in our lockers and we just enjoyed the visit (and the wave pool)
I'm already dreading meeting friends for tea and cake later this week for this reason. It always has to be a thing, with over posed pics, a couple of them are very popular on social media and get loads of likes no matter what they post etc, I'm not and don't, I'm just not that into it but I always dread the pic taking part of the meet up...
My dd 14 gave up social media a year ago for this reason. She had her phone taken away and was out with friends they were all sitting at a table and no one was talking then suddenly one of them said selfie and with that they were all smiling and making out they were having the best time ever then went straight back to their phones. She said that it was so sad and weird she didn't want to be part of it anymore. When lost quite a few friends from it but has now made some great ones and spends her time reading or out at the skate park. She does use her phone for YouTube etc but not alot else.
I just wish I could break away from the lure of it. I hate photos of myself so it would probably do me the world of good mentally to leave but it keeps dragging me back.
YANBU. They sound like absolute dullards. However, I do think people who do this are trying to cover up their own unhappiness to a certain degree, so trying to think kind thoughts. It’s very draining to be around though.
YANBU- just say you hate your photo being taken but will agree to one group shot.
OP I could have written your post almost word for word.
I have a group of friends who I see once a month. Only one woman in this group is a close friend. The others are acquaintances.
They ALL do this fb thing, constantly. I'm tagged in all of them. I hate having my photograph taken. I actively get dragged in the every group shot, selfie on my side of the table, selfie by the car, selfie getting a drink. It's so fucking tedious. I have begged them not to be in them but it falls on deaf ears.
All the photos are taken from the ceiling too, so most of the women look like they have little elfin chins and big eyes.
The last time they went out I cried off. I just couldn't bear it. They still tagged me in all their selfies though as #missing.
One of the women in the group is outrageous on fb for trying to get attention. She photographs any medication she's on (with no explanation expecting people to ask - I never do). She also a serial checker-in at hospitals. She also has a 'face-tune' app and when she takes a selfie of her and her 15 ye old daughter she actually looks younger than her dd and like she's fallen into an airbrush. Urgh.
In contrast, I went away the other weekend with a completely different group of friends. We had a lovely log cabin and a hot tub for 2 nights. We laughed, cried, caught up with all sorts and not one mention went on SM. It was liberating!
I've been considering deleting Facebook too, or at least the app so it's not such a habit to have a "quick look" and then realise it's 45 minutes later and the kettle finished boiling 43 minutes ago and I still haven't made a cup of tea.
I like Twitter and insta - but I don't follow "real people" on there - I use Twitter for football or comedy content mostly, and insta for recipes, work related inspiration, and I follow some outdoor/walking based hash tags that motivate me to get out more myself.
I follow lots of work related pages on Facebook too which are actually very useful. Maybe I should actually delete all the people rather than the platform (or new account would be much quicker).
I really don't care about 95% of what appears on my newsfeed so why the hell am I spending so much time scrolling through it 🤷
Well that turned into quite a rambling post.... Sorry OP, back to the question, YANBU!
Could you tell them you're trying to get a handle on your own SM usage and ask them to help this by making dinner a phone-free zone?
Giving up SM is very en vogue with people my age right now (younger millennial) so you can assure them it's cool
I have FB and Instagram and used to use both all the time. I enjoyed the buzz of getting a like or a comment. I was seeking validation, if I analyse it, because I only ever posted things I considered to be impressive. As I built up stronger real life friendships and got into a relationship, I realised I really didn't need or value that kind of attention anymore because validation was coming from elsewhere. But I feel that SM fills the void for many because we live in increasingly isolated societies where community spirit, enduring relationships and meaningful work is lacking. Technology fills this void with instant gratification and distraction - all things we crave.
SM does have its place but it's true that it has taken over many social interactions. I see couples on their phones, endless selfies rather than asking someone to take a photo. I find it quite sad how it has changed how many people behave.
Posting constantly to fb seems pretty tragic tbh. YANBU OP.
That's why I don't have any social media platforms. I fucking hate all of them!
I also think it makes it impossible to meet certain friends without a ton of makeup or nice clothes on or your hair done in case they need photos. I actually think it's changed how people dress. You can see the people who are dressing for the photo rather than the occasion itself. It would be nice to just bump into friends as my messy, scruffy self without needing to 'dress' for SM, fortunately I have few friends who do this.
You are DNBU!
I took the dog out yesterday to a local dog walking spot. There were people there videoing and taking pictures of their dogs and put it straight on social media. Whilst people are looking at their phones, the dogs are shitting and they weren't picking it up because they were so busy.
It's a god walk ffs!!
I really have come to hate FB - it was fun about 10 yrs ago when we were students and you could only see your direct friends stuff but when they changed it to 'friends of friends' it got weird. My newsfeed is mainly group pages and I 'hide' annoying people who are clearly using FB to be smug about their life and don't actually communicate like a friend in RL. I prefer the way that Twitter works although this is supposedly ruining our capacity for long trains of th....
I actively avoid nights out with certain groups because of the constant picture taking. It's ridiculous and I just don't see the point.
I don't get this obsession with documenting every minute on camera rather than you know, enjoying the night out.
...but when they changed it to 'friends of friends' it got weird.”
Yes! And people don’t realise how far reaching it goes with ads they’ve looked at, other sites, friends of friends interests... The lack of privacy is amazing.
Years ago, when it was not that naff to be on, someone from work tried to convince me to have a page and showed me hers. Up popped all this clairvoyant stuff and pictures she had posted of herself with orbs and scratches from poltergeist. We were at work. This was a line manager. She was .
YANBU. I hate it. Fortunately my close friends aren’t into it at all. I have one other friend who is always sending me selfies of herself though. And pictures of her meals. I never really know what to say...
I haven’t logged into FB for weeks, if not months. I don’t miss it at all.
YADNBU I have social media accounts but I'm older now, had them in various forms since my twenties, and yahoo and AOL chat rooms way back when. I never take selfies and my lips with age have thinned so duck face has never appealed! I do find myself tagged by friends when out I just untag unless I'd choose to share it myself. We're all quite similar in that we have phones down nights. Maybe the odd group pic for the geriatric memory jog down the line.
I'm devastated for my DDs generation though. She has me constantly on the no filter stance and is quite unique among friends in that she has no need for self validation. 11/12/13yr olds in full make up, filters, scribbling out their own faces in daytime group pics and then in obscenely little clothes alongside poking out bottoms, hand on hips, chest forward; sexual type poses. Of children. Its frustrating to see the future insecurities their parents are not shielding their perfect baby girls from. And I say this as an obsessive photo taker. A life fully documented by thousands of photos that jog a foggy memory or 10 everytime I look through them, I've cried with happiness, embarrassment and pride at times. But they were nearly all natural, in the moment. Loads from disposables in earlier years. SM is a curse for the young and vulnerable. So many falsified lives and bullies galore. It's very sad.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Get started »
Please login first.