I work in a quite specialised area of work where most people know each other across the country, it is a tight knit community where it is important who you know and reputation etc. I recently moved to a new organisation. I knew the team I was going to work with and had worked well with them all in the past. I'd done some work with the team leader before, but more with the others lower down in the team. Whilst I'd never had a bad experience of the team leader (We'll call her Y), I'd heard a lot of bad stuff about her as a very nasty, manipulative bully. As i was going to be her peer rather than working for her I thought I'd take the risk, however she still leads on a few projects I'm involved.
Since I started I have have two of the team daily telling me how awful she is, normally with out a real reason, just vile hatred. But as it has developed I have realised how unsubstantiated it all is. We are a small specialised team in a larger department, so spend lots of time together. I have sat in meetings where it's all been fine, only to then hear the others really slagging of Y, reinterpreting and twisting things she has said again and again - taking comments out of context and sometimes just making things up. Y is very successful, very well thought of in the industry and has been so supportive of me since I started. I do recognise she isn't a people pleaser, she will say what she thinks and be honest, but she is not mean, nasty or unkind, quite the opposite in fact. Rather than my first caution of thinking Y may be a bully, I feel I am witnessing the most awful upward bullying, led by a young man who hates Y, but the other goes along. Y cannot win, even if she tries to be extra nice it's taken in an awful way, and nasty, spiteful things are done to undermine her. The others constantly try and get me to join in bitching about Y, but as I won't play I have been quickly frozen out of the group. For example, team drinks organised am I'm not invited, a birthday gift for a colleague which only Y and I aren't invited to join in on etc. I'm kinda ok with this but I just feel the bullying I am witnessing is terrible. However I also know I'm on a temporary contract, need this job to work for career reasons and feel the management would rather turn a blind eye. How do I go forward. Y knows she can't do a thing without the rest of team attacking her, and it obviously upsets her. It is never to her face though which makes it so hard to tackle, it is always as soon as she leaves a room! I never participate in the conversation and call it out when they use specific examples, but as I say I am now frozen out. We are all very highly qualified people, but I feel I'm back in the school playground!!! What can I do?
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AIBU?
To think the 'bully' is being bullied.... need help!!
10 replies
Donutt · 06/04/2019 19:20
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