Redacting acceptance of new job...

[Somethingnothing]

...7 weeks after I accepted to be precise.

I'm having a big wobble at the moment. I work in a professional mid level role in technology. 13 months ago I moved into a new role at my current company. I find change and new people difficult and the role was new and very technical. As a result I've found the move very difficult...no friends, very little support due to reorgs within the new company, changing line management and very dry stints without projects to work on. I cried most nights for the last 13 months...feeling unvalued, stupid for not being able to make the role work and quite lonely as I obviously just wasn't in the mindset to mingle with colleagues.

2 months ago I interviewed for another company, much smaller but more supportive and seemed to really get my career aspirations and they went above and beyond to accommodate them (starting a postgraduate degree this year and they're supporting me, they also said the role I want to move into will be available to me through this company). When offered I accepted and since handed my notice in - this is a 3 month notice.

Since handing my notice in, I've been excited to start. Things have improved at work and this is likely due to a shift in my mindset. Getting along so well with my team and feeling a part of something good, I'm also feeling my confidence has risen and as a result I'm delivering better - and so on and so forth.

My manager and others keep mentioning I still have time to stay put...and I'm getting really overwhelmed with this. I'm easily influenced and I am terrified of making the wrong decision. I actually feel happy in work for the first time in a long time...but it's been 7 weeks since I accepted the new role and I just think it's unacceptable to let them down....isn't it...?

Recruitment agents talk alot in my field...I feat that the decision to stay would follow me around for years to come...it could prevent me from getting new opportunities years down the line and I'm worried. That said I can't seem to shut down the anxiety that maybe I'm making a bad decision jumping into the unknown when I'm really happy where I am now.

Can anyone help me because my brain is a bit fried!

[AskMeHow]

I think you gave your new role a good go and it hasn't worked out.

7 weeks vs 11 months since you got the offer - I'd stick with the job offer and jump ship.

[ShirleyPhallus]

I think it’s pretty poor form to redact on a job offer tbh. You haven’t been happy in this role, apart from when you knew you’d be leaving

I think you need to remember all the reasons you like the new company and try and regain some of that enthusiasm. Maybe go for a “catch up” coffee with your new boss so you can discuss some of your new projects etc and remind yourself why you still want to work there

I’d leave if I were you. Good luck!

[NowIKnowHowJoanFelt]

Is it possible that a large part of your new found happiness is because you know you are leaving? A bit like when you have an extremely bad shift at work but for that last 15 minutes you suddenly feel so much better .. but it's because you know you are going home soon..

[Weirdwonders]

Hmm. I wonder if you are feeling more positive because you know you’re getting out.
However, I wouldn’t worry about what people will think of you for turning down the job. Don’t be a people pleaser - do what’s right for you, whatever you think that is. Maybe go in and see them again? Ask if you can have a meeting to talk about the projects you’ll be working on, or something.
I recently went through with taking a new job because I didn’t want to let people down, even though I didn’t really want to go. I do regret it. So work out what’s right for you and stick with it.

[Weirdwonders]

I should point out that I left a job I liked though, not one I didn’t!

[Somethingnothing]

Thanks everyone for replying. @Weirdwonders, what when wrong with your job move for you? I really hope it improves for you 💐.

I think that my mindset was preventing me from seeing something good in front of me...not necessarily with the work I was doing at my current place but deffo with the company - they're great, culture, flexibility, benefits etc. The work side had improved to an extent. I'm confused!!

I do think I'm a person with integrity... the thought of retracting this far in when the new company has been accomodating and accepting of my degree and long notice makes me cringe.

[NoSquirrels]

Better to leave this job on a high note, with a good last impression and goodwill from colleagues and bosses who wished they’d been able to keep working with you than to let down the new company and have badwill attached to you.

Throw yourself into new job, keep in touch with old colleagues.

Stop worrying!

[Somethingnothing]

Thank you Squirrels . That sounds like sound advice x

[ChaosMoon]

Hmmm... Something like this happened to DF once. He stayed put and within a month things had gone back to normal. Maybe in part his attitude, but also that his colleagues didn't want to train someone new. So they made an effort to encourage him to stay and then stopped bothering again when didn't leave.

If you think it's largely that your attitude has changed, remember that you can take this attitude to a new role too. You need to tap back into the excitement of moving. PP's idea of going for coffee with your new boss is a good one and could help with that. Good luck, whatever you decide.

[IchWill]

I've been in this situation and I've also just appointed someone that left a brand new job to join my team.

It's business, people pulling out of jobs happen. Yes, some may view it as poor form, but you need to think of you.

Take a step back, work out any pros and cons to each job. Also, will your service just continue with your current employer if you accept their offer? Or will you start a new contract, length of service, different benefits?

Will your current employer support your study too? Have things definitely changed or has it just been a couple of good weeks? Or maybe they are putting on an act to not lose you. Not sure, but worth thinking about.

Have you met any of your new colleagues? How do you perceive that you'll fit there culturally?

Also, similar circumstances. But there's some statistics about people who redact offers, due to their employer counter-offering, how 80% of candidates who accept a counter offer from their current employer end up leaving within six months and 90% within 12 months.

Listen to your heart. Good luck too.

[Somethingnothing]

Thank you again you're all giving me sound advice and it's so appreciated.

My company offered the same as the new one in terms of supporting my studies which is great....but they weren't as enthusiastic about it if that makes sense (they agreed though so that's good). The enthusiasm the new manager showed probably contributed towards my initial excitement about the job. I really value supportive teams and being able to develop and grow and his reaction was very telling for me.

In terms of colleagues putting on a show I don't think that's what's influencing me. I don't know that I love the day to day job and I'll certainly still have frustrations if I stay but I like it and it challenges me. I like the company and people here...I think that's my primary pull to stay rather than take a new risk.

[IchWill]

Bless you @Somethingnothing
Maybe sleep on for now, what with all this extra advice.

Be sure to let us know what you decide. 😊

[MissConductUS]

I think that once you make up your mind to go you should go. Your current employer just doesn't want to go to the bother of replacing you.

[Somethingnothing]

I will let you know . Your advise has helped me alot