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To take breastfed baby to the ivy ?

(81 Posts)
dontfollowmeimlosttoo Tue 02-Apr-19 09:57:04

Hi ,

My baby is 5 weeks old , breastfeeding has been tough for us from the beginning ! Poor latch , cracked nipples etc anyway found out he had posterior tongue tie , division done last week . Latch still hit and miss feeds can be hard ( he slips off ). Anyway we will keep going been assured it's gets better ..

What I find funny is family member fully aware of this and know my struggles at feeding in public ( constantly re latching whole boob out ) so am only really going to groups or places with parent room to feed private.

Anyway she asked me if I would like to go to the ivy for breakfast it seems abit random as baby will only be 7 weeks . Would you guys go and hope for a private room ?

Nanny0gg Tue 02-Apr-19 09:58:57

Not a chance!

Wont exactly be a relaxing meal

Booboostwo Tue 02-Apr-19 09:59:53

This is a very personal choice. I breastfed in public so went to various restaurants, cafes, etc with both DCs, however if you don’t feel comfortable then don’t do it.

Can you give them a call and ask them if there is a choice of a private room?

DioneTheDiabolist Tue 02-Apr-19 10:00:08

I'd definitely go, but I wouldn't wing it in the hope they have a private room. I'd phone ahead and confirm and if not, request a table that would afford you some privacy.

ShitAtScarbble Tue 02-Apr-19 10:00:24

Have you called them to find out IF they have a private room? Wouldn't that be your starting point?

TheQueef Tue 02-Apr-19 10:00:49

With their prices I would request a room.

daphine2004 Tue 02-Apr-19 10:01:09

What a lovely treat but I do understand your concerns. You might find it useful to give them a call and see what can be accommodated/facilities are available.

RiddleyW Tue 02-Apr-19 10:01:44

Makes no difference that it's the Ivy - it isn't actually particularly stuffy. The question is are you happy to feed in public generally and will you enjoy yourself.

dontfollowmeimlosttoo Tue 02-Apr-19 10:01:56

I think I just find it bizarre she even asked me and wondered if I was being unreasonable . I just think no one seems to understand when you tell them your struggling still want to visit etc and ur there with ur tit out all day

SinkGirl Tue 02-Apr-19 10:02:41

I would never. I’d be so worried about the baby crying and disturbing people who are paying exorbitant sums for their breakfast - I struggled enough taking my twins into cafes when they were tiny as I know how annoyed some people get with babies crying.

Cheeserton Tue 02-Apr-19 10:03:10

Good suggestion to call and ask. The place will clearly be able to advise you better than randoms from MN.

SummerHouse Tue 02-Apr-19 10:04:57

I would rather not take a baby there anyway. Full respect to those who would and equally full respect to those who would breastfeed there with a tricky latch and a full boob out. I just think it would be stressful when going to the ivy should be the opposite. The purpose is defeated. flowers congratulations on you baby. Hope the feeding gets easier. Just make like as easy as possible around it.

MrsDrudge Tue 02-Apr-19 10:04:59

Which branch are you going to? The Ivy in Birmingham has some discreet booth type tables around the perimeter (rather than exposed table in the middle of the restaurant). You might feel comfortable sitting somewhere like this.
I think I’d call or email the restaurant and make your decision based on their reply.
How lovely to be offered such a treat!!

HardofCleaning Tue 02-Apr-19 10:07:05

I wouldn't bother personally it sounds stressful. I'd rather buy loads of delicious smoked salmon etc and have a lovely brunch at home where I can relax..

lalafafa Tue 02-Apr-19 10:09:43

unless you're going to the original Ivy in Covent garden you'll be packed in on tiny tables, the only place will be a loo

dontfollowmeimlosttoo Tue 02-Apr-19 10:10:43

Birmingham

whitesoxx Tue 02-Apr-19 10:13:16

I'd go but wouldn't take the baby. Can someone else take baby for a stroll around the shops/park etc while you have breakfast?

I don't think it's "bizarre" that your friend asked you. Life doesn't just stop (although it can feel like that) people have babies all the time.

Brummiegirl15 Tue 02-Apr-19 10:14:03

I’ve taken my baby to the Ivy in Birmingham and breastfed her. Absolutely no problem.

Don’t be put off by the fact it’s the Ivy, I love it and it’s really relaxed and depending when you go there are often loads of families (obviously not Saturday night)

They won’t have a dedicated parents room, so your options are to either feed at the table or go and sit in the bar and feed.

What do YOU want to do? Don’t feel you can’t bf there because it’s the Ivy. It’s no different to anywhere else and it’s really relaxed and unstuffy. If you want to go, then go and see how you get on. Perhaps ask in advance for a table with a bit of privacy.

But please don’t feel for a second that you can’t breastfeed in the restaurant. If you don’t want to, that’s different

Go and enjoy

dontfollowmeimlosttoo Tue 02-Apr-19 10:15:36

@whitesoxx how will baby be fed ?

dontfollowmeimlosttoo Tue 02-Apr-19 10:16:40

@Brummiegirl15 I'd b ok if breastfeeding was easier but struggling at the min baby in latching crying re latching him etc

SinkGirl Tue 02-Apr-19 10:18:15

In that case I’d ask if you could postpone a few months

2rachtint Tue 02-Apr-19 10:19:39

I don't think it is bizarre she asked you- but equally it's fine to say you're not ready yet but would love to once you have got the hand of breastfeeding more. Sounds like you're doing a great job!

WeepingWillowWeepingWino Tue 02-Apr-19 10:20:57

I wouldn't as I don't think it would be fair on the other patrons having their breakfasts disturbed by a newborn trying to latch.

LL83 Tue 02-Apr-19 10:21:34

Sounds like you will find it stressful so I would postpone.

WonkyDonk87 Tue 02-Apr-19 10:21:52

Not just for the Ivy (if you do decide to go), but can I suggest a decent feeding scarf if you're anxious feeding in public? I was given one by my sister which I initially cast aside thinking I wouldn't use it, but have struggled recently with a 7 week old who fusses and flings herself off halfway through 🙄 and I wound up feeling very stressed. I bought another one (which is pretty much a stretchy big snood type affair, but a better design and more coverage) from the expensive-but-naice-baby-shop and it's amazing. So much easier. I had a meal out and fed at a very cramped table with my very awkward brother this week and it made it so much easier. grin

KaliforniaDreamz Tue 02-Apr-19 10:25:06

Not while you're still establishing breastdeeding, no.
I struggled for 12 weeks with my first baby. (If it's any consolation the following 2 were a breeze.)
Do yourself a favour and stay home where you're comfortbale - ask her to come to you with pastries? x

GreatDuckCookery Tue 02-Apr-19 10:25:50

It doesn’t sound like you’re likely to have a relaxing time OP! I would skip it until you’ve established breastfeeding or you can leave baby with someone else ( if you want to )

Kennehora Tue 02-Apr-19 10:27:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whitesoxx Tue 02-Apr-19 10:35:19

@dontfollowmeimlosttoo feed baby before you go in, baby goes for a walk with dad/friend/gran, you eat breakfast, baby comes back to meet you and you feed baby. At the ivy or wherever you are happy feeding baby.

ChipSandwich Tue 02-Apr-19 10:35:27

There's no way I'd go but my firstborn was really difficult to feed.
Even if that hadn't been the case, I still don't think I'd have felt like it at 7 weeks. Having a newborn can be stressful enough without going out and looking for some more. That's just me though, I'm fully in support of anyone who feels up for it. I just wouldn't have wanted to, and I think that's OK too.

oh4forkssake Tue 02-Apr-19 10:39:25

Two week is a very long time away - proportionally it's nearly half your baby's life! So feeding might be very different in two weeks.

It isn't the best venue though. I'm presuming she doesn't have children??

Brummiegirl15 Tue 02-Apr-19 10:40:51

If you are struggling with latching and crying then maybe just postpone it for a few weeks.
I remember the struggle oh so well, my little girl had tongue tie, it was finally snipped and made such a difference.

I think it was approx 6-8 weeks that we finally cracked feeding and then it was a breeze and we are still feeding now at 17 months

If you don’t feel comfortable because it’s a struggle then maybe just postpone by a few weeks. I promise, once you crack it, that’s the time to go. small breastfed babies that just sleep and feed are very portable and it’s easy to go places.

It’s when they get a bit older and waking more that it’s harder work.

The feeding will get easier as well

escapade1234 Tue 02-Apr-19 10:41:48

At 7 weeks they’re not feeding constantly and you’ll probably (possibly) be in a bit of a routine (doesn’t matter if you’re not). Book it for a time wen your baby is usually napping - all mine slept around 9/9:30 for an hour ish at that stage. Even if they wake up, they don’t automatically have to be fed. But if they do, go for it - who cares? Take a blanket or large scarf and you’ll be fine.

Also, the Ivy is very relaxed. Not that it would matter if it wasn’t. People are eating in there - baby can eat too.

Alsohuman Tue 02-Apr-19 10:42:08

It’s not bizarre that she asked you at all. If you haven’t experienced a particular situation, it’s difficult to empathise. She probably thinks it would be nice for you to have a treat. You obviously feel uncomfortable so tell her so. And suggest going another time.

AppleKatie Tue 02-Apr-19 10:43:04

OP just postpone until you feel comfortable. It’s lovely your friend wants to see you but she probably doesn’t quite ‘get’ that your still in the first flush of parenthood, until feeding is established and you are feeling more confident in yourself don’t pressurise yourself to be in difficult situations.

MindyStClaire Tue 02-Apr-19 10:43:50

I fed anywhere and everywhere and didn't even try for modesty or discretion (I wouldn't have expected to be like that before the baby was born). But I wouldn't want to bring a small baby anywhere remotely formal as I would stress out over crying etc more than feeding. I think it's personal - if you'd relax enough to enjoy, go for it. If it doesn't appeal, say so.

JaneEyre07 Tue 02-Apr-19 10:43:54

It's a very relaxed eatery that serves cottage pie and burger and chips..... hardly fine dining. We go to the Cheltenham one loads and during race week, it was very lively in there for breakfasts!!

Just ring in advance and ask for a quiet table and tell them you have a young baby.... it'll be fine!

HolesinTheSoles Tue 02-Apr-19 10:43:56

At 7 weeks they’re not feeding constantly

I don't think all babies have read this manual. Many still feed on demand and cluster feed when going through a growth spurt. Yes the baby might be on a schedule and just sleep serenely the whole time, they also might be cluster feeding and struggling with latch and fussing the entire time.

I don't think its crazy your friend asked but it's fine if you say maybe in a few months.

WorraLiberty Tue 02-Apr-19 10:49:20

Why would you 'hope' for a private room, rather than phoning and checking there'll be one available?

bengalcat Tue 02-Apr-19 10:53:13

I used to take mine and just ‘stuffed her up my jumper ‘ / wrapped a scarf over me to feed - would try and avoid busiest times though - if you call them first they may be able to afford you some privacy and who knows unless you’re there for hours the babe might sleep throughout

whateverhappenstheremore Tue 02-Apr-19 10:54:38

I don't think the breast feeding is the issue. A crying baby who can't latch in a busy restaurant is an issue

BossAssBitch Tue 02-Apr-19 10:55:16

The Ivy is pretty relaxed, even the Cov Gdn one, especially at breakfast time, I would imagine you mean a late breakfast in any case...I would go, just treat it as a regular restaurant, which is it. Le Gavroche is it not. The suburban based ones even more so, the Cobham branch is v casual.

LaurieMarlow Tue 02-Apr-19 10:55:47

I'd go. I'd be delighted by the invite. And I wouldn't take a scarf.

But then none of mine were particularly hard to feed at that point.

Do what you're comfortable with. But don't be put off by the fact it's the Ivy. If you'd meet her in Cafe Nero I don't see why you wouldn't meet her here.

tenbob Tue 02-Apr-19 10:57:10

The proper Ivy or one of the chain?

The proper one serves nursery food and is very relaxed. The staff are friendly and accommodating, and the whole ‘vibe’ of the place is discretion which is why celebrities have loved it for so long
It is much more relaxed than fine dining

The chain is really just a chain using the Ivy name. I wouldn’t overthink it any more than if I was going to Côte or Prezzo

Cotswoldmama Tue 02-Apr-19 10:57:16

Its up to you and what your comfortable with. I would breastfeed anywhere and I breastfed until my son was nearly 3! I never had any negative reactions so if your worried about breastfeeding in public try not to worry what others think. Also as someone else said two weeks is a long time and generally by 6 weeks babies finally click and get efficient at breastfeeding so can breastfeed for shorter periods and with a bigger gap between feeds. You could try giving a feed before you leave to reduce the chance of needing to feed when you are out?

edgeofheaven Tue 02-Apr-19 10:58:13

At that age they just sleep. I took my 12 week old breastfed baby to high tea at a five star hotel and she didn’t make a peep. Woke once for a feed then fell asleep again.

Aozora13 Tue 02-Apr-19 11:08:22

If you don’t feel comfortable, then just say no. With my first DD (who had a tongue tie that wasn’t picked up til 6 weeks and not corrected until 8 weeks, and who wanted to feed constantly) I was determined to prove that it was no big deal, I wasn’t going to let a small thing like having a tiny baby with feeding issues get in the way of my life. As a result I was just really anxious and miserable when we went out until feeding issues were resolved (which was really by 10-11 weeks but felt like eternity at the time). DD2 also had a tongue tie but this time I just said no to everything unless I really wanted to do it. Her issues were resolved by 6 weeks thankfully, but I saved myself a lot of stress by just saying “thanks but not at the moment, not until we’re ready”

NunoGoncalves Tue 02-Apr-19 11:11:17

I would just be honest with the friend. "Can we take a raincheck, baby is struggling to feed at the moment, lots of crying etc. I'm not ready for all that in a very public place".

If she doesn't understand that and happily agree to postpone, then she's a dick anyway.

edwinbear Tue 02-Apr-19 11:17:01

The Ivy Cafe is like going to a Cafe Rouge, it's a casual dining place not a fine dining restaurant. The one we go to is full of DC and babies and nobody would bat an eyelid. However, if you feel worried or uncomfortable then postpone u til feeding is going a bit better.

Springwalk Tue 02-Apr-19 11:17:04

It’s very busy and very noisy, and whether breast feeding or not will not be an ideal environment for a young baby.
I wouldn’t even consider it. I can’t see how you will ever enjoy it ( or the baby)

ChipSandwich Tue 02-Apr-19 11:20:28

At that age they just sleep. I took my 12 week old breastfed baby to high tea at a five star hotel and she didn’t make a peep

I did the same thing and dd fussed and bothered and grumpled the entire time. It was exhausting and stressful and I ended up in tears.
It's different for everybody.

escapade1234 Tue 02-Apr-19 11:21:28

*At 7 weeks they’re not feeding constantly?
I don't think all babies have read this manual. Many still feed on demand and cluster feed when going through a growth spurt. Yes the baby might be on a schedule and just sleep serenely the whole time, they also might be cluster feeding and struggling with latch and fussing the entire time*

Yes, which is why I only said “possibly” be in a routine. Honestly, there’s always one poster who picks you up one very little thing. I even double-checked my post to see if there was anything that would warrant picking holes. I have had four babies so I know they don’t come with a manual thank you. I also breastfed on demand for a very long time so I know all about cluster feeding too. But in my experience (which I realise may be different from the OPs) it is common (but not obligatory) for 7 week old babies to sleep a fair bit. Is that a reasonable statement? I was trying to offer a positive post to encourage the OP to try to get on with life with a newborn and not feel self-conscious feeding in public. By 7 weeks it’s good (but not obligatory - is that enough of a disclaimer?) to try to to get out and see people and figure out how to slot baby into your normal life a bit more. It takes practice and planning and for some a little bit of confidence.

2ofstedsin24weeksistakingthep Tue 02-Apr-19 11:22:35

I wouldn't have done this with my first, who took 4 months to feed without issues, but would have jumped at the chance with my second who fed like a dream despite having tongue tie. I felt more comfortable wearing stretchy vests under my tops. I could pull up my top and hook the vest under my boob so only a small amount of breast was exposed but fully covered by baby's mouth/head.

Do what you feel most comfortable with. I personally found it easier to eat out with babies than toddlers!

spanishwife Tue 02-Apr-19 11:28:08

'the Ivy' is really not posh or special (whether it's Birmingham, London or Beverly Hills) so if you feel comfortable in a restaurant then yes, if not, not. But the fact it's 'the Ivy' makes no difference. It's a Bills with better wallpaper.

Gilbert1A Tue 02-Apr-19 11:31:51

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

neveradullmoment99 Tue 02-Apr-19 11:37:46

I wouldn't be bothered with it. I doubt very much it would be enjoyable. Nothing wrong with breastfeeding there, just think it wouldn't be relaxing.

neveradullmoment99 Tue 02-Apr-19 11:38:33

I have no idea what the ivy is like as I have never heard of it.

Steamedbadger Tue 02-Apr-19 11:49:54

If you're happy to feed in public then you'll be fine. Take a scarf or small blanket. The Ivy is just like any other nice cafe. But if you're not happy then I'm sure your relative will understand and you can arrange it for later.

PurpleCrazyHorse Tue 02-Apr-19 11:53:51

I didn't take DD to restaurants until we'd cracked BFing. It meant I could latch her quickly when she was grizzling for a feed and she then had a good feed and quickly went back to sleep. It was much more pleasant.

I also had a feeding shawl in the early weeks as I did go places. I didn't want to cover her constantly but because she would latch on/off and was pretty small, I did flash on occasion. Once we got better and she got bigger, you couldn't see anything and I stopped using the shawl.

Brummiegirl15 Tue 02-Apr-19 13:41:01

It’s a Bills with better wallpaper

Yep, that’s exactly what it is. The Ivy is nice, don’t get me wrong, but it’s no Michelin star restaurant. It’s chilled and relaxed and very family friendly. Especially on weekends

strawbmilk Tue 02-Apr-19 15:36:35

First time I breastfed in public was in the ivy at 2 weeks. I ran out of expressed milk and just used a scarf to cover up. No one batted an eye. smile

Dieu Tue 02-Apr-19 15:42:31

I wouldn't have seen the big deal in going at all confused You gotta eat, and baby will presumably be either sleeping or feeding.
Enjoy!

KaliforniaDreamz Tue 02-Apr-19 16:50:15

LOL at all the digression into the Ivy being crap now
(true - tho i do like the chelsea one for drinks)

spanishwife Tue 02-Apr-19 16:57:43

KaliforniaDreamz

Not digression, the title of the post says '..to the ivy' as if that was the sticking point.

ZippyBungleandGeorge Tue 02-Apr-19 17:14:12

I had very similar issues, tongue tie, blisters, nipple infection, DS used to take over an hour to feed then went to feed again less than an hour later. Good news is by the time we got to eight/nine weeks it was just suddenly fine and easy, and I now breast feed anywhere, I wouldn't have back then, I was exhausted and sore, he was very unsettled and I would've been feeding/winding/settling for the whole meal. Can't you postpone?

stucknoue Tue 02-Apr-19 17:18:56

I'd go. It gets so much easier by then. It's amazing how quickly too. Just think carefully about clothing and take a modesty scarf if it's worrying you

MamaLovesMango Tue 02-Apr-19 17:28:17

If it’s in Birmingham it’ll be an Ivy Brassrie or whatever they’re calling them and I’d say pretty baby friendly, especially for breakfast. So yes, I’d do it but I’d also do it in the original Ivy if I wanted to.

Great suggestions to phone ahead and ask if there’s a private area or a booth you can book. Some of the Ivy places have private rooms which will probably be empty at breakfast time. It’s a lovely offer from your friend. I hope having a lovely breakfast in a little bit of posh makes you feel good. I had brunch at the Ivy Market Grill recently and it was wonderful smile

user1480880826 Tue 02-Apr-19 17:32:31

I would encourage you to go everywhere and feed everywhere. Breastfeeding needs to be normalised and you shouldn’t feel ashamed for getting your boobs out to feed your baby.

If you feel embarrassed then phone ahead and ask if there’s a room you can use. But you really shouldn’t have to feel embarrassed.

MamaLovesMango Tue 02-Apr-19 17:32:46

It’s really kntereatkbg to hear how people don’t rate the Ivy anymore too! The Market Grill in Covent Garden was great. It felt luxurious, with solid silver tablewear, the food was much better than average (which IME Bill’s is!) and you were literally waited on hand and foot. I’ve not been to one of the new braseries though and perhaps they’re different.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino Tue 02-Apr-19 17:36:55

user but in this instance it's more that the baby is fussing and struggling to latch, and having had a similar baby, sorting that out is not something I fancied doing with an audience. Once she was bigger and bfing was established I bfed here, there and everywhere.

ChaosMoon Tue 02-Apr-19 17:45:02

I don't think it's weird that she asked and it's not necessarily about not empathising either. It's about giving you the choice to say yes or no, without making an assumption on your behalf. I actually think that's quite nice.

Just work out what you feel comfortable with. You WNBU to say yes or no. She WBU only of she didn't happily accept your preference.

WorraLiberty Tue 02-Apr-19 17:48:52

I don't think the breast feeding is the issue. A crying baby who can't latch in a busy restaurant is an issue

Actually, yes that's a very good point.

spanishwife Tue 02-Apr-19 18:16:52

MamaLovesMango unfortunately when things arrive in Birmingham the specialness of a place goes down a few pegs.

MarieIVanArkleStinks Tue 02-Apr-19 18:29:36

Yes I would, but possibly not at 5 weeks old if I was struggling to establish BF. Without an easy latch it will make you more conspicuous and might amount to something of a stressful experience.

I never liked the thought of scarves or covers and would have felt very anxious having DC under one of those things and perhaps restricting his ability to breathe. I managed to be discreet using nursing tops with slits in them (Seraphine are great for these) and never had a cross word or look in the 18 months I was BF.

If you're worried you might be challenged, remember you're within your legal rights and stand your ground politely but firmly!

Good luck and enjoy your breakfast smile

levanti Tue 02-Apr-19 19:01:27

I wouldn't go anywhere that sells foie gras. It's barbaric.

Vulpine Tue 02-Apr-19 19:18:15

I'd breast feed practically anywhere so yes would go 100%

KaliforniaDreamz Tue 02-Apr-19 19:43:33

spanishwife it still made me laugh.

onthenaughtystepagain Tue 02-Apr-19 20:09:12

With their prices I would request a room.

At their prices I wouldn't want to be at the next table to a grizzling baby who is struggling to feed! It's hardly a Wetherspoons, it's a very adult environment.

SinkGirl Tue 02-Apr-19 21:43:23

Going to Le Gavroche next month and now quite scared... haven’t been anywhere really fancy in ages.

Anyway, I don’t know much about The Ivy in Birmingham - from the comments here it’s neither fancy or expensive so that’s not an issue. The only issue is whether you’ll be able to relax or not.

Vulpine Tue 02-Apr-19 21:50:26

Onthenaughtystep - I could understand if you didn't want to be around babies in a restaurant at dinner service, but for breakfas - like the baby - you'd just have to suck it up.

acciocat Tue 02-Apr-19 22:11:28

I had no issues with bf in public places but I don’t think I’d have wanted the stress of wondering if the baby was going to cry and be unsettled. Nothing worse than having to abandon a tasty meal because you need to take a crying baby out

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