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AIBU to walk away?

(14 Posts)
ilsbeingodd Sun 31-Mar-19 20:42:25

Name change.
So BIL's girlfriend has been doing some very dodgy behaviour towards me for a while, trying to exclude me from DH's family and so on. All very under the radar stuff and nobody quite believed me as it could all be easily explained away.
However, recently DH's aunt also joined in very publicly (by accident) and very obviously against me and very obviously part of a discussion about me with BIL's girlfriend. DH's entire family saw this. It was very hurtful and she later tried to explain as some people just don't get on and she was going to continue saying such things and I would have to put up with it because we're family. A lot of the family have said to me or DH that it was completely out of line. I said its best we don't associate with each other anymore. Told MIL that I didn't want either of the 2 involved seeing DD again as comments were concerning a condition that DD might have and they are both quite open and bitchy in person.
The issue here is, the rest of the family seem entirely not bothered by their actions and it is now me being left out of things. BIL's girlfriend has sent pictures of them all hanging out together today. Originally was supposed to be her, MIL and me but I dropped out after those events and they decided to invite DH's aunt instead. I 100% think that this was rubbing it in my face and coupled with other actions seems like BIL's girlfriend is pissing to mark her territory with MIL.
I don't want to get into some silly fight but obviously I still like my MIL (although am a bit disappointed that she didn't stop BIL's gf from sending pictures for me to see). I honestly thought I was getting along with BIL's gf and DH's aunt and the comments came out of nowhere. So I don't really know whether I should just leave the rest of the family to it and say well clearly they're not worth my time and be silently a bit upset that MIL won't stick up for me. Other option is stand up to both of them but I don't really see if that would do me any favours as they're very tight and very good at explaining away their actions.

AmIRightOrAMeringue Sun 31-Mar-19 20:48:28

It is hurtful when someone doesn't stick up for you but maybe she hates confrontation and feels in the middle especially if it's her sister. Also some people (me!) freeze up in the moment and only realise what they should have said later

I know its difficult but personally I'd try my best to ignore it. If the aunt was that easily swayed she wasn't worth it. I'd be civil to everyone and try and not get involved in any arguments, safe in the knowledge that people like that eventually slip up and alienate everyone. It sounds like people have already clocked what she's like but are scared of getting too involved incase she turns on them.

AmIRightOrAMeringue Sun 31-Mar-19 20:49:15

What does your husband say about it? Has he spoken to his brother?

AndOfCourseHenryTheHorse Sun 31-Mar-19 20:54:35

What do you mean walk away? Do you just mean don’t confront them?

It’s really hurtful that your mil hasn’t stood up for you.

I don’t get on brilliantly with my sil and her dh either, but really like my pils. So I just avoid seeing sil and bil. I find life is a lot nicer now I don’t have to be bothered with them. I gave it a very good try for years, but their unpleasantness toon its toll and I basically think life is too short.

I don’t know what confronting them would achieve either. Hopefully someone wiser can come along soon to advise!

AndOfCourseHenryTheHorse Sun 31-Mar-19 20:55:14

Oh yes and there is no way mil would stand up to her dd or son-in-law on my behalf either.

Troels Sun 31-Mar-19 21:01:51

Time to block them so you don't have to see and just ignore the lot of them. If they aren't willing to have your back and defend an innocent child, then they don't deserve to have contact.
Protect your little family. Your Dh can "have it out" with his sister and Aunt if it's that important to him.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Sun 31-Mar-19 21:02:25

I still like my MIL (although am a bit disappointed that she didn't stop BIL's gf from sending pictures for me to see)

Im not seeing how MIL is to blame for SIL sending pictures?

This really is for your DH to pick up with his brother and see what is behind it.

GreenEggsHamandChips Sun 31-Mar-19 21:12:56

No contact is about you and your relationship with someone. Not their relationships with other family members. You cant chose who someone else should or shouldnt spend their time with.

cleanasawhistle Sun 31-Mar-19 21:16:15

Shocking behaviour.
The first thing I would do is unfollow or delete the lot of them off social media.Some things you dont need to know about.

I was never made very welcome into my husbands family,dont know why but I didnt ask as I didnt care.

I just walked away and let them get on with their clique.....buts thats something I find easy to do with people who treat me like shit.

Wondering what will happen if BIL and his GF split up ???

slipperywhensparticus Sun 31-Mar-19 21:16:44

They are being offensive about a child?

ilsbeingodd Sun 31-Mar-19 21:17:23

@Troels yes blocking the lot of them.
I was planning on just avoiding the 2 involved but it is obvious I will just be excluded anyway so I was thinking it might be a way to take back some control. Or it might just be like a stroppy child saying they didn't want an invite anyway. The Aunt very regularly bitches about everyone, just happened that she accidentally did it in front of the whole family about me and I guess its just one of those "as long as she doesn't turn on me" situations.
The MIL was a side bit that is more my feelings really. She would have known the pictures were being sent to me as she was in the group text they were sent to and she knew the reason I could not attend and that I was upset about it. I know she may not feel comfortable saying it but part of me might always be unhappy that she doesn't.
I really like my BIL but he is not currently in a position to do anything about this but he is very much aware and agreed that I would not want myself or DD seeing his GF.
I always tried to stand up to bullies in school but didn't expect to come across them in my DH's family and am very unsure of how to go about this. I also didn't really expect to be so clearly left out of family affairs myself after the aunt said such horrible things.

ilsbeingodd Sun 31-Mar-19 21:21:23

Just to clarify. Message was about genetic condition I definitely have and DD has a 50% chance of inheriting but we won't know till she's a bit older.

Totaldogsbody Sun 31-Mar-19 21:47:50

I dont see that your MIL could stop her sending you picture messages jyst cos she's in the group. Do you know that your MIL had her phone on her, even if they where at your MILs house when the photos were taken her phone may have been charging or she may have had it in another room. I think you are assuming things that may not be true. On the other hand I would certainly block both the aunt and gf if they were saying things about any of my children. I would not give the gf the satisfaction of coming between me and my DH family, she may be gone soon but they're going to be part of your life for a very long time.

ilsbeingodd Sun 31-Mar-19 22:05:35

BIL's GF not going anywhere. Very complicated story there that I'm not going into but yeah she's sticking around.
Have now removed myself from the family chat, still unsure about blocking the others on Facebook but Aunt and BIL's gf are blocked.

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