Talk

Advanced search

Being used as a Facebook 'go-between'

(17 Posts)
TheGigglingGazelle Fri 29-Mar-19 21:49:42

Posting for thoughts after a blazing row with (D)H over this. He consistently refuses to get a Facebook account 'on principle' because he doesn't agree with anything the company stands for. Totally reasonable, integrity's a good character trait, etc etc.

But AI really being so VVVVVU (as he seems to think I am) to tell him I'm done with him regularly giving me messages to pass on via MY Facebook account to his friends, relatives, adult daughter, milkman's cat, Old Uncle Tom Cobbley And All (and then expecting me to relay all the return messages, of course) because it saves him the bother of talking to people himself??! He has these people's email addresses, he has their phone numbers. As far as I'm concerned it's plain bone idle of him, not to mention hypocritical (which is especially rich as 'hypocrite' is an accusation that routinely gets thrown at me during arguments). All he ever wants to do when he's not at work is slump on the sofa reading, spending zero time communicating with anyone - are you kidding me, that would eat up WAY too much of his precious reading time. And anyway, why bother when good old GG's willing to sell her soul to Facebook so he doesn't have to... angry

I'm maybe being a tad petty, I can live with that, but I'm so sick of the sheer hypocrisy, and of being expected to function as some sort of traffic warden of cyber-two-way-traffic, especially as guess who cops the flak if I happen to misinterpret anything and pass it on incorrectly? Any road out, I've told him that barring urgent messages (e.g. about someone's health/that someone's died or similar) the Facebook Chinese Whispers game has played out its last round.

AIBU?

PrincessConsuelaBananahamm0ck Fri 29-Mar-19 21:55:02

YANBU.

WoahThereMama Fri 29-Mar-19 21:57:23

YANBU. Rather than you typing out a message on FB messanger he can type out a message via text. You’re not his PA.

ShadowMane Fri 29-Mar-19 21:58:25

oh no, if he wants to speak to people, he needs to get on and speak to them

MyKingdomForBrie Fri 29-Mar-19 21:59:09

YANBU and how can he be so ridiculous?!

RoboticSealpup Fri 29-Mar-19 22:05:41

YANBU. Just refuse to do it.

I really hope this isn't one of those threads that start off describing something really innocuous and ends up revealing that if you ever disagree with your DH he gets abusive and you're scared of him...

NoSquirrels Fri 29-Mar-19 22:09:59

Of course YANBU.

I don’t have FB. I accept that it means I have to communicate in a different way, and I accept that some other people don’t like that.

But I actually get super pissed off with it the other way round where people who could perfectly well communicate with me try to do so via my DH’s FB account. Luckily he doesn’t really play the game and deflects them mostly.

GabriellaMontez Fri 29-Mar-19 22:12:18

Yanbu. You're not his PA. He can send an email If he wants to get in touch with someone.

cstaff Fri 29-Mar-19 22:13:31

No way. Fb is not the only way. If he doesn't want to us this that's fine but fuck off and type your own messages. Lazy git.

TheGigglingGazelle Fri 29-Mar-19 22:54:20

I really hope this isn't one of those threads that start off describing something really innocuous and ends up revealing that if you ever disagree with your DH he gets abusive and you're scared of him...

No, we mostly have a really good marriage actually, with odd blips when he behaves as a petulant child and I treat him accordingly. grin

NWQM Fri 29-Mar-19 23:08:12

I'm always a loss at what their friends and family think. Do they actual reply to you?

Motoko Sat 30-Mar-19 02:13:14

All he ever wants to do when he's not at work is slump on the sofa reading, spending zero time communicating with anyone

Doesn't sound like much of a marriage to me, especially as you seem to be regularly arguing, with him calling you a hypocrite.

Anyway, no, of course you're not BU. Surely you know this, without needing to ask Mumsnet.

Parly Sat 30-Mar-19 03:28:32

If he's big on principles and feels Facebook goes against what he stands for and therefore won't create an account on principle - fair enough.

Make your own and tell him on principal you're not carrying on with this shit and nonsense.

If he really hates Facebook and what it stands for he wouldn't or shouldn't be trying to cheat his way and get around his own fucking rules and principles through you what's that about??! angry

He sounds like one of those part-time "try to be" vegans shouting down anyone and everyone then rock in a pair of Doc Martens.

As the great Yoda once said Do... or do not. There is no try

edwinbear Sat 30-Mar-19 03:51:55

Wowsers - YADNBU. And it sounds like you have a wonderful relationship generally, and this is definitely not LTB thread, but absolutely, he needs to either get his own FB messenger account or use e mail. He is being a CF in this regard only.

PregnantSea Sat 30-Mar-19 04:35:42

YANBU. Stop doing it and tell him to manage his own social affairs.

I don't have Facebook and DH does. I have never asked him to do this for me. If I want to talk to someone I send an email, text or I call them. I'm extra vigilant about keeping people's up to date contact details because of this. I can't imagine it would feel nice if I wanted to speak to someone and they couldn't be arsed and just got someone else to pass a message on for them. I would take that as an indication that they couldn't be bothered with me.

Ihatehashtags Sat 30-Mar-19 04:48:44

You’re not his bloody PA!!! ChNge tour password and insist he gets his own account

TheGigglingGazelle Sun 31-Mar-19 13:51:11

Anyway, no, of course you're not BU. Surely you know this, without needing to ask Mumsnet.

I was venting. Last time I checked, that was allowed.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »