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AIBU to not be able to see a happy ending

(17 Posts)
DownToTheSeaAgain Tue 26-Mar-19 18:42:04

DH a passionate Brexeteer. I am the opposite. Ever since the vote we agreed to disagree for the sake of our sanities but now it is impossible to ignore. DH ranting about the collapse of society and the uselessness of our elected representatives. I feel incredibly sad that IMO we are going to hell in a handcart and that I am powerless.

We've been together 20+ years, have DC and are otherwise pretty happy but I am just not sure we are going to make it through the next few weeks without some sort of massive meltdown.

Am I right to think this or is there a way through this for us?

LipstickHandbagCoffee Tue 26-Mar-19 18:50:16

I think you’re overstating this somewhat if you’re happy in every other way
You’re not compelled to change your opinion nor is he
You are compelled to maintain a cordial relationship and safe happy environment for your family
It’s undoubtedly a political crisis but worth sacrificing a marriage?only you know that

worldsbestprocrastinator Tue 26-Mar-19 19:21:50

I can't imagine having a partner who is a staunch brexiteer. But, only you know your husband and his reasons for having the beliefs that he does.
I have actually seen families ripped apart by this. Some people may find that unbelievable, but the strength of feeling it has brought out is quite terrifying.

ShitAtScarbble Tue 26-Mar-19 19:29:42

I don't find it at all unbelievable worlds - didn't similar happen at the time of the Scottish independence referendum?

It's incredibly sad what this whole stupid clusterfuck has done to everything. It has truly unleashed a many-headed beast. I am actually unsure if it's even fixable.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Tue 26-Mar-19 19:34:51

Indy ref created tensions without a doubt,such was the feeling.same as brexit
But if one gets to point were two previously happy partners can’t coexist I’d suggest there were other underlying issues and brexit has crystallised the disharmony

stevie69 Tue 26-Mar-19 19:48:19

Society is not collapsing. Neither are we going to hell in a handcart.

You're both too invested (yeah, I know it's important but then again so is lots of stuff).

You've been together 20 years. That's amazing. And you'll consider endangering that because you can't agree on something that, to be frank, nobody really understands anyway. Please don't blush

Chloemol Tue 26-Mar-19 20:27:11

Just accept you have different views and move on, either both agree not to say anything or just ignore anything he does say

Anon10 Tue 26-Mar-19 20:43:38

Are your political views aligned? Do you share the same moral values? I wouldn’t last 20 minutes let-alone 20 years in a relationship where my husband and I had polarised political views. We are both fervent Remainers and very much politically and morally aligned. I understand completely that you feel it may be an issue that can’t be surmounted. I couldn’t maintain a friendship, let-alone a marriage, with someone if I found out they were a Leaver. The issue is too important and far reaching for that. And it would indicate to me, that they were undoubtably right wing and I cannot abide anything that comes with that.

Lifecraft Tue 26-Mar-19 20:48:26

I couldn’t maintain a friendship, let-alone a marriage, with someone if I found out they were a Leaver. The issue is too important and far reaching for that. And it would indicate to me, that they were undoubtably right wing and I cannot abide anything that comes with that.

Jeremy Corbyn is a Leaver. So was Tony Benn. Loads of Labour MPs and voters are Leavers. Most of the hard left and far right are Leavers. It's the sensible ones in the middle who aren't.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Tue 26-Mar-19 20:57:53

Op need to elaborate, are they otherwise compatible?is their shared common values?
Is this a new ideological stance or did he arrive at the opinion during Brexit referendum
Being a leaver isn’t in itself inherently right wing. Corbyn wants to leave eu he prob thinks it’s a capitalist cabal a stitch up of Eurocentric capitalism & commerce
All the media handwringing aside,do you want to be with him?

GirlRaisedInTheSouth Tue 26-Mar-19 21:00:37

I like the fact that DH and I have different views on things. We have some lively and fun debates.

It sounds like you want to dump him because he doesn’t agree with you. Which is terrible, really.

MollysLips Tue 26-Mar-19 21:04:31

I know what you mean. I went out last night for a fun drink with my DF, DB and DS and it ended up in a Brexit debate, as I'm the only remainer and they're all Leavers. My DB has lost his best friend to this issue, as his friend seems to feel like my DB had the casting vote.

We're all having lunch together at the weekend and I'm slightly worried, as DH and I will be the only 2 remainders amongst 4 staunch leavers. So well just have to avoid the subject completely.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 Tue 26-Mar-19 21:37:16

There's something slightly ironic about people who consider themselves liberals being the ones who cannot tolerate anyone who has a different opinion from them confused

HerSymphonyAndSong Tue 26-Mar-19 21:41:00

No one here has described themselves as a liberal, where have you got that from confused

Anon10 Tue 26-Mar-19 22:05:47

Yes there are people on the extreme left who are leavers, but let’s be honest, most leavers are right wing and anti-immigration (to put it politely).

Also it’s not about not being able to tolerate people with different opinions. It’s about feeling that this is so important and underpins so much of your own belief system that it becomes difficult to reconcile those differences. I feel alienated from People who still wish to leave the EU as it goes against my own belief system and tbh I feel they are deliberately making life worse and harder for my children and the entire country. I’m making plans to emigrate actually. My DH and I are both professionals so have managed to secure lucrative posts abroad and we will see where that takes us.

Hohofortherobbers Tue 26-Mar-19 22:17:05

How about just respect his opinion? confused, seriously if the sole focus of your relationship is politics it must be miserable. Laugh, chat about the weather

DownToTheSeaAgain Wed 27-Mar-19 12:57:22

Given that he is deeply religious and I am a staunch atheist I think that we are pretty good at being happy together despite profound differences. I don't know though. This Brexit thing seems more divisive than even religion. I'm not giving up the old goat any time soon but it is safe to say that things are pretty strained chezdowntothesea.

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