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To ask for just a bit of support after surgery

(13 Posts)
Exhaustedmummy1811 Mon 25-Mar-19 12:08:27

My daughter was born by c section 2 weeks today, the first week felt like a breeze. I was up and walking around within 12 hours bleeding stopped after 36 hours and I honestly felt amazing for the first week. Since the stitches dissolved I've been in agony with a stabbing burning pain at one end of my incision site.

My brother lives with me as well as having a 12 and 9 year old dc to help out. My mum sister and dad all live in the same village just 5 minutes away. Yet since the day I got home from hospital (3 days after section) I've been expected to just carry on as normal. My brother works 4 on 4 off yet spends his days off on his phone or tablet oblivious to everything around him. I have seen my mum once and no one else has been to see if I need any help.

This morning my 12 year old skived of school, he managed to drop a heavy coffee table on my foot while I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor. I was up most of the night either with the baby or with my 3 year old who has an ear infection. I have now just felt a tear at my incision site after lifting a heavy bin liner in the outside bin and picking up a heavy wash basket of wet washing. I asked my brother to sort the shed on his days off ready for my sons new bike that I've got him for his birthday and to mow the grass, neither got done. So now on top of looking after 2 toddlers, a preemie baby and sorting the house I have to do these too.

Is it too much to ask for a bit of support and help while I am trying to recover from surgery?

EngagedAgain Mon 25-Mar-19 12:17:05

I think it's pretty disgusting really. I expect they are just doing what they usually do and normally you've been ok with it. In one way you've made a rod for your own back, but you need more help now. Talk to them and get the younger ones doing little things, and the others more. I've not had a c section myself, but I'm sure you're not supposed to be lifting anything too heavy yet. Also try to make it a regular thing in future, because if you're ill it will be the same sort of situation. Things have got to change now you've got a baby.

Merryoldgoat Mon 25-Mar-19 12:23:32

Yes, you need some support of course.

However why the fuck are you scrubbing floors and doing heavy lifting 2 weeks post section?

Do you have a partner? What help have you actually asked for?

AdvancedAvoider Mon 25-Mar-19 12:45:20

You really shouldn't be doing any of the stuff you've been doing after a section.

Have you had the wound checked? I got a really nasty infection in mine after overdoing things.

Hollowvictory Mon 25-Mar-19 12:48:12

Where's your partner?
This situation is ridiculous.
You need to listen to what you've been told re emptying bins etc. Get brother or son to do it.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Mon 25-Mar-19 12:49:15

So now on top of looking after 2 toddlers, a preemie baby

Where are the fathers?

Hollowvictory Mon 25-Mar-19 12:50:26

Please don't mow the lawn and sort the shed out. Just concentrate on you and the baby.

OwlBeThere Mon 25-Mar-19 12:52:07

Why the helmnol are you scrubbing floors?? That absolutely doesn’t need to be done at the moment.
I agree you need some help but I think you need to ask

kaytee87 Mon 25-Mar-19 12:56:15

How prem was the baby?

You have a newborn, 2 toddlers, a 9 and 12yo. Of course you need some help. Preferably from their father if possible.

Why did your 12yo stay off school?

SD1978 Mon 25-Mar-19 12:56:50

It's no clear from your post- how much help have you asked for from them? You are doing too much- you know this. Kids and brother may not step up independently- and you don't appear to have asked them to. Is there a partner who should also be helping? Maybe don't assume and actually delegate tasks. Good luck.

SD1978 Mon 25-Mar-19 12:58:08

Also- does brother pay tenant- usually help out? Or is it unusual for you to ask him to do things for you? Can you pay someone to mow the lawn?

Exhaustedmummy1811 Mon 25-Mar-19 13:01:13

The father left while I was still pregnant for a woman with no kids 🙄 and hasn't been seen since. I have tried asking for help, I either get told 'I'll do it in a minute' or I haven't got time to come down and help. I've tried not doing anything and seeing if anyone else will just do it but it never gets done. I've got the midwife or health visitor out almost daily as baby was born early and I don't want to look like I'm not coping so I just get on with it. Midwife is coming later today so will get her to have a look but it did look fine on Friday when the health visitor had a look. I know I should be resting but if I don't do it no one will

Exhaustedmummy1811 Mon 25-Mar-19 13:04:59

My brother does pay rent and help with the bills and often can be quite good at helping. He is good with the other kids and helps with those while I am with baby but house work often just gets left unless I do it or explode about no one helping.
Baby was 4 weeks early but had a few health issues when born so although she is home and doing much better I don't sleep much for worrying or having to wake for feeds

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