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Irrational jealousy - need some sense talking into me

(5 Posts)
sheffieldsweetheart Wed 20-Mar-19 13:56:06

After some constructive advice really. I don’t want to be flamed but equally perhaps I need a stern talking to! Basically I have been TTC for 5 years now. First round of IVF didn’t work sadly, but we did manage to get a frozen embryo which is due to be put back in next month. There is no reason that it shouldn’t work / take – we are currently “unexplained infertility”. So we remain hopeful. But, we only get two free rounds of IVF where we live, and this counts as our last round – so in the back of my mind I also see this as a bit of a last chance saloon (I am 36). Anyway, I am increasingly finding myself living in fear of a pregnancy announcement from one particular person. At my age I am used to frequent pregnancy announcements – and I am typically nothing but delighted for the person announcing. Most of my good friends now have children, and whilst it can be a bit like “oh well, another one down, hopefully my turn soon”, I am genuinely always pleased for them. However, this person is different. She’s the wife of one of the guys in our wider friendship group, and my god she is just beyond annoying. The most boasty person I have EVER met. Never asks a single question when you’re in her company, it’s all about her and her latest work achievements etc. It’s really tiresome and tedious. She’s mentioned that she wants to start trying for kids soon, and the last few times we’ve all been out in a group situation she’s left early and not been drinking. This alone isn’t abnormal for her but I am now constantly on edge that they are about to announce a pregnancy and frankly, it’s eating me up. I feel such a fear about this possible announcement even though it may not happen for a while or indeed happen at all. It’s become all-consuming and is making me sad. I know it’s not rational and I can’t quite articulate why but I think it’s because she’s just so bloody annoying and smug anyway, her falling pregnant would sort of my my worst nightmare. This is also daft but I hate the thought of everyone else in our group feeling sorry for me as the only infertile one left (for background, pretty much everyone finds her incredibly irritating, apart from, it seems, her own husband). It’s starting to drive my own husband nuts, and I don’t want my abstract fear of her to start damaging my own relationship! Any advice would be helpful. How can I get over my obsession with this annoying woman?!?

Eliza9917 Wed 20-Mar-19 14:11:01

Stop having anything to do with her. Organise meet up or gatherings without her/her DH.

sheffieldsweetheart Wed 20-Mar-19 14:16:02

Yeah, I'm trying to have less to do with her - out of sight, out of mind type thing. Annoyingly they live round the corner so hard to avoid sometimes! I have banned myself from looking at her social media channels. Hoping that will help.

SparklesandFlowers Wed 20-Mar-19 14:46:35

I can sympathise to some extent; it took us 2 years to conceive only to have a miscarriage. So many friends and family had babies in that time and I am a jealous person by nature.

I have a new mantra in life: comparison is the thief of joy. Every time I start to feel jealous of someone else I repeat my mantra to myself and count blessings. It seems to work, if only to distract me for a bit.

I can only suggest distancing yourself, either by not going out with her or if you're both out together, talking with someone else all the time. Is there another friend in the group you can confide in so they have your back during social situations? Having support through infertility/IVF is crucial and knowing there's someone else to either distract you or to talk to her, so you can do some self-preservation, would really help.

I wish you all the luck in the world. I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone, it really is a very difficult time. Fingers crossed for you for the new cycle.

sheffieldsweetheart Wed 20-Mar-19 15:22:49

Thanks so much @sparklesandflowers, you speak a lot of sense! Yes, I think you're right, I need to start repeating a mantra like that. It's so pointless to compare. Fortunately I do have people I can talk to about the IVF, but this is more delicate (me bitching about someone in the group) so I thought I would get some anonymous views from here! I need to be happy with my own lot in life and not dwell on someone else's.

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