Mamas, I need some outside perspective on a big dilemma.
My partner is from a very close family and has two sisters. One of them, who I'll call Sister 'A' and his mum, I have always had an amazing relationship with and genuinely love. They made me welcome into the family from the first day and we're very close.
The other, Sister 'B', there has always been problems with. She has just never liked me and has taken every opportunity over the years to undermine me, make me feel belittled and just generally be a spiteful person. The things she has done over the years would fill pages. I honestly feel like I've tried again and again to build bridges and support her when she's needed it but I've finally had to give up over the years and just accept that not everyone will like you.
After many years of being a bit hurt and confused, it's gotten to the point now where I just actively dislike her and avoid her as much as possible. She honestly makes my skin crawl. My partner is aware of this. He doesn't deny that she's been pretty spiteful sometimes but at the end of the day, she's still his sister and he loves her, and I respect that. So far we've rubbed along at family occasions etc.
Now, I understand this isn't everyone's preference but for me it's important to baptise my children and for them to have godparents.
When Sister 'A' (the lovely one) had her first child, we were asked to be godparents. For her second child, she asked the Sister B to be godmother. Then we had our first child, and we asked lovely Sister A and her partner. Sister B then had three children in very quick succession. For the first child, she asked Sister A to be godmother. For the second two, she asked my partner but not me. I must admit I was upset - we don't get on, but it I felt it was quite a public snub.
Partner was amazing and said he wouldnt do it if I didn't want him to as he didn't think it was great behaviour from her. Decided I couldn't let him do that, as he loves his sister, so he is godfather.
Now I've had my second child. Following the family 'pattern', it should be that Sister B is my LG's godmother. I violently don't want this. I can't stand the woman and I don't want to give her the honour. I actively dislike her and even though I appreciate its all just symbolic can't stand the thought of offering her.
She was bridesmaid at my wedding and she was so vile about it and toxic her behaviour cast a shadow over the day, so I really dont want her invoked in anything else.
In an ideal world I would be completely NC with her but for the fact I wouldn't ask that of my partner.
However, my partner feels we 'should' ask her, particularly as he is godfather to hers.
Should I give in to what he feels is the 'right' thing to do even though I really don't want to? It's really upsetting me.
AIBU?
AIBU over choice of godparents?
Glittertrauma · 17/03/2019 21:30
Please don’t!!!!! DD has 3 sets of godparents due to unusual circumstances. One (the original) set are amazing, forever people that are dear. However there were extenuating circumstances and we chose badly for some additional godparents and now are stuck with that. It’s awkward.... in the end I’m addition to our dear friends we chose some of our very best friends from the time when Dd was born, who we were super close with. One couple is now divorced and we don’t speak to the wife anymore as she turned out to be a bit of a sociopath, and the other set we rarely see, so while they do make an effort to an extent it feels like an obligation on their part that is embarrassing to release them from.
You say you already know she’s toxic, so just don’t. Choose lovely people who genuinely will be there and will pray for your child / be present for them throughout their life. It’s about your child, not about someone’s “turn” to be a godparent. And it’s highly unusual for related parties to be chosen I’d say as well- as others have said, she’s already the child’s aunt! Please choose well! 
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