To be upset about this?

[Longhairdontcare12]

At some drinks with a friend, chatting to a guy. Everyone quite tipsy and a young crowd. I’m single and a bit insecure right now, I look alright but wasn’t feeling my best - I’m told I’m attractive but have gained a bit of weight and am very petite. Friend is model height and looks good, height obviously gets attention etc.

Wife of big boss comes up and talks to guy we are talking to, I’m able to hear. Shelled a joke about him looking like he’s after one of us and asks which one; he replies “which one do you think?” And they both laugh. She then says “be realistic” and they chat a bit more. I am so so hurt by this, I am at a social for a few days with work people attending and expected to make an effort with them every night. I feel like everyone feels like this way about my friend and the fact we mingle together invites direct comparisons about us. I am going to have plaster on a grin and keep going but feel humiliated. Also heard them say something about how one of the guys really liked her but has a girlfriend. She is obviously the subject of lots of their gossip

[MoeAnna]

I'm sorry. That sounds really hurtful

[Moneymanifestor]

People can be idiots.

I've overheard some awful things said about me but you know what? It says more about the person saying it than about me.

[Orangeday]

Awful and insulting for both of you. They all sound foul.

[TeaforTwoBiscuitOrThree]

She's nasty. Rise above it. She probably is jealous of your friend.

[TixieLix]

That's horrid for you to have overheard their hurtful comments, but look on it as having dodged a bullet. If this guy picks his women based on having model looks then he is shallow and not worthy of your attention. It's such bad form that anyone feels it acceptable to make such derogatory comments .

Your insecurity comes through in your post OP in the way you describe yourself. Beauty isn't just looking a certain way, it's being funny, being kind, being smart and being strong. Learn to love yourself, value yourself, accept yourself and believe in yourself and others will too.

[Feb2018mumma]

I am so sorry you heard that, so unprofessional of bosses wife and so cruel. Stay strong, you are the better person

[Limensoda]

I'm not sure what the boss's wife meant, exactly, or why it upset you?
Did she actually mean your friend? Are you sure?
You don't like someone ranching your friend?

[Limensoda]

Fancying, not ranching

[Aeroflotgirl]

Do you know what, it says a lot about the type of people they are, than you. They are idiots not worth your time.

[KM99]

OP, I often find what helps me in these situations is thinking about what's really going on with the person who said it. What is she like generally? What were your previous impressions of her?

It's normally a pretty insecure person who belittles others to make themselves appear fun. I bet you aren't that only one she's done this too.

Watch her over the next few days. You might find it gives you some good perspective.

[sagradafamiliar]

I don't get it? You were chatting to a guy, the wife came over and told him to be realistic and ribbed him a bit. So she was telling him he was punching above his weight with you then? Why is that upsetting for you?

[LizzieVereker]

That’s really hurtful, I’m sorry you had to put up with that. It says a lot more about the woman who said it and the man who replied than it says about you though. She’s a mean girl and he’s showed how vacuous he is. Take no notice, it says nothing about you

[Waveysnail]

That's awful. She's a bitch and he's a twat.

[John470322]

sagradafamiliar Fri 15-Mar-19 19:07:50
I don't get it? You were chatting to a guy, the wife came over and told him to be realistic and ribbed him a bit. So she was telling him he was punching above his weight with you then? Why is that upsetting for you?
I agree, I am a guy lurking on here and given the choice between a tall stick insect and a medium height lady with curves I'd chose the lady with curves - actually I did choose her and we are happily married.

[Lovestonap]

John that's a bit off the point. No one has described the friend as a 'stick insect'.
OP it's always going to hurt to hear yourself compared unfavourably (if indeed you were - it's not for certain). The woman who elicited the comparison sounds like a bit of a dick.
Stick a smile on and move on with your week. Confidence is the most attractive and compelling quality and will make you feel better. Good luck

[John470322]

John that's a bit off the point. No one has described the friend as a 'stick insect'.
You are totally right Lovestonap and I was wrong to assume that. The description Friend is model height and looks good, height obviously gets attention etc led me to make a wrong judgement.
I still stand by what I meant to say which is that different people fancy different body shapes, some fancy tall others fancy short, some fancy thin others fancy larger. The OP is attractive to people who like her, no matter what her boss's wife said.

[sagradafamiliar]

I still don't know what was said to upset the OP and I've reread it several times but everyone seems to have got it 🙈
I think it was more a misunderstanding than a bitchy swipe.

[Bluntness100]

Op, how do you know it wasn't you that was rhe one he was after? Could your lack of self esteem be playing s part here?

[Neverwrestlewithapig]

@sagradaunfamiliar
His reply of ‘Which one do you think?’ implied that there was only 1 obviously fanciable one between the op & her friend. When big boss’ wife then said, ‘Be realustic’, it confirmed op’s suspicion that it was the one with ‘model looks’ I.e. not op. This then makes the op the one that no one would fancy.

[Neverwrestlewithapig]

Sorry, meant @sagradafamiliar!

[Charley50]

I agree she was nasty and he went with it; unless she had already heard that it's you (or your friend actually) he likes and was kind of getting him to admit it.

I know how you feel anyway. Once I went to a museum with my very pretty friend, both of us heading to a separate guard to get our bags checked. 'My' guard said, 'I want her.' (About my friend)
Then he saw how my face dropped and he actually said sorry to me, said he didn't mean it.

[sagradafamiliar]

See I didn't read that into it, Never. He said 'which one do you think?' which to me could mean, 'obviously the one I'm talking to/flirting with duh' or 'you're right, guess which one'. To which the boss' wife 'bantered' him with 'be realistic!' meaning that OP is a catch/out of his league. After all, she says herself she's attractive.
The pair of them might know each other well which would put a different spin on it, as in 'you know my type, which one do you think?'

[HeathRobinson]

A lot of men don't like tall women, Longhair.

[GregoryPeckingDuck]

That says more about them than you. Rise above it.

[Neverwrestlewithapig]

I can see that reading into it too, *Sagrada. I think how you feel about yourself would heavily influence how you interpreted the comment. Without being there, we can only guess how it was meant 🤷🏻‍♀️