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To wonder why men tend to be more sex obsessed than women?

(20 Posts)
ODGU Thu 14-Mar-19 23:21:37

I know women can have high sex drives too, but was is it about men's obsession with sex that drives them to extreme behaviours?

Currently watching 24 hours in police custody, it's about a sex attacker.

You don't hear of women loitering down alley ways and country lanes lurking to assault people, do you? Why is this so prevalent with men?

Nannypinks Thu 14-Mar-19 23:24:18

The three P's.

Penis
Porn
Patriarchy

JenMumma Thu 14-Mar-19 23:26:07

It's the hormones. Pathetic !
grin

Doyoumind Thu 14-Mar-19 23:27:21

I think men being obsessed with sex and sexual assault are two different things. There are, I think, biological reasons for men to be obsessed with sex. Not the same case with assaults.

Sparklesocks Thu 14-Mar-19 23:27:51

I don’t think sexual assault is necessarily about sex drive though, it’s about power.

mumofmadams Thu 14-Mar-19 23:28:36

Women are ‘sluts’, but men ‘need’ it...

Backwoodsgirl Thu 14-Mar-19 23:30:29

It's natural humans are animals, men are no different to male dogs, bulls, rams, mice.

Comes down to primal instincts

Dottierichardson Thu 14-Mar-19 23:30:34

I'm not convinced that sex attacks are about sex as much as about coercion, violence, control and misogyny. Making it about sex obsession I think can let abusers off the hook, as if they can't help it. Like the old blue balls myth.

BringOnTheScience Thu 14-Mar-19 23:32:09

It's a myth. Read "Inferior" by Angela Saini to bust this and others.

ODGU Thu 14-Mar-19 23:32:22

Fair point about sexual assaults being power driven as opposed to just sexually motivated alone.

Taking crime out of the equation though, looking at the comparison in sexual behaviours between men and women, men do seem to be more sexually driven than women in general.

Another example would be cheats. Some men are all too prepared to have sex elsewhere and risk breaking up a family for sex alone, whereas for a woman there is usually more to it and we are more likely to cheat for intimacy, love, a deeper connection. Just my observation.

Or am I being sexist and deluded?

Don't get me started on the porn... grin

Babdoc Thu 14-Mar-19 23:32:40

Men don’t generally rape women because they’re overcome with desire - it’s more to do with hatred, violence, domination and abuse of power.
As for libido - I know many women who complain that their husbands are just not as keen as they are.

Wearywithteens Thu 14-Mar-19 23:34:40

I asked this same question out loud while watching the same programme. My son looked very hurt but I said that because the men in our family are gentle and lovely it makes it so much more hard to understand why other men are so vile.

Men do have much higher levels of testosterone which gives them a higher sex drive than women (generally speaking). The sexual assaults are (I think) because of inadequacy, mysogeny and latent aggression.

FreckledLeopard Thu 14-Mar-19 23:38:12

I imagine a lot of it's to do with hormones and genes. I don't honestly think that we're really much beyond the days of the Vikings - raping and pillaging seems to be an inherent part of being male.

Look at animals - they fight and kill each other to impregnate a female. I can't see that we as a species are really so much different. We may have a veneer of conscious thought and reasoning but it quickly goes out the window.

And of course NAMALT - but as a species I think we are a product of evolutionary traits which make men somewhat sex obsessed.

ODGU Thu 14-Mar-19 23:41:48

My last partner was absolutely obsessed with sex. Think sending dick picks, constantly trying it on at innapropriate times, groping, cheating for no reason other than not getting it at home because I was heavily pregnant. He didn't hate women, quite the opposite.

At the end of the relationship it became apparent that this was something that happened in all of his adult relationships and left me thinking, wtf is wrong with you? What is it about a 5 - 30 minute activity That is so overwhelmingly uncontrollably important that you self sabotage and hurt others just to achieve a bloody climax that could be DIY (sorry!)

I just don't understand the overwhelming importance of it to some men.

SkinnyPete Thu 14-Mar-19 23:52:02

It's called testosterone...and it's not pathetic. In fact, it's pretty much one of the major contributing factors that we're all here alive today, tapping away on Mumsnet smile

Yes, it does make some men twats/thugs/idiots

ShadyLady53 Thu 14-Mar-19 23:53:39

Sexual assault aside as it's a very different thing...

Its already been said but;

Testosterone. That's your answer as to why a lot of men can't think about much else.

All I can think about in the lead up to ovulation is sex and I become pretty angry bordering on aggressive, go quite silent and moody but permanently bloody horny and turned on and like I HAVE to have it. It was only when I found out that at that time in my cycle my testosterone levels were at their peak that I finally understood men and the innate drive for sex and violence. Their testosterone levels are generally WAYYYYYYYY higher and I genuinely don't know how they function.

Went out with a lovely guy for a bit, respectful, never pressured me at all, totally a "gentleman" but he was practically asexual and would always turn me down for sex which was pretty devastating. Turns out he had very low testosterone levels.

I'm not saying that you can't be full of testosterone and lovely and respectful but its a challenge and a lot of men take the easy way out.

llangennith Thu 14-Mar-19 23:57:23

Testosterone

ODGU Thu 14-Mar-19 23:58:03

I think I'm bordering on asexual these days, if that's even possible with two young children.. blush

Being with a man so utterly obsessed with sex has put me right off it unfortunately

Singlenotsingle Thu 14-Mar-19 23:59:33

Men are strange creatures. But yes it's all biology. There was a nature program on yesterday about sea lions - the great big bull chasing, rounding up and servicing his females. And deer are the same, the males will fight to the death over their harems of females, and want almost non stop sex with them.

TemporaryPermanent Fri 15-Mar-19 00:01:17

I'd really recommend Testosterone Rex by Cordelia Fine to look at why it's in the interests of patriarchy (and emphatically not in the interests of individual men) to believe that testosterone drives abhorrent behaviour. When there's very little evidence for it.

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