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To ask what you get out of your relationship?

(34 Posts)
saskia76 Thu 14-Mar-19 18:14:27

@Sausage666 he wants me to run his bath when he gets home from work, have dinner cooked, massage him when he asks and not roll my eyes, ask him if he's ok 1000 times a day, ask him is there anything i could do for you. But it's all pathetic really. He said im the one that needs to change to make this relationship work because im selfish hmm i feel like i do more than enough.

saskia76 Thu 14-Mar-19 18:10:56

@HarrysOwl. Im not happy though because of his lack of contribution to our home life but he's says im wanting a 'fairytale' and that's not how the other half live and the grass isn't greener on the other side.

Sausage666 Thu 14-Mar-19 18:10:19

My DH is almost too good to be true. He probably does 70% of all housework, shopping, we share the DCs bedtime routine etc. I do work full time and study, but he is there for us all the way. What would your DP want you to do 'for him'? Does he mean sexually?

saskia76 Thu 14-Mar-19 18:05:54

@KM99 yes, he was a spoiled only child who's mum did everything and his dad worked away. He's always been lazy but seems to have gotten lazier since our second child was born, i had to quit work 2 months after returning to work after my maternity leave has he wasn't looking after the children properly. I now work in a nursery and i take my youngest to work with me so he doesn't have to look after him. He also works but is self employed so he can go days/weeks without work so he definitely has the time to pull his weight. He's more than old fashioned, he's idle. When we argue about it he says he does a lot and when i ask him what he says im not going to make a list for you, you know i do a lot.

HarrysOwl Thu 14-Mar-19 17:59:30

As long as you're happy, there is no normal. I could detail my relationship, but comparison really isn't helpful; if you're unhappy, that's a good enough reason to want to address the dynamic of your relationship.

Adversecamber22 Thu 14-Mar-19 17:59:10

It’s what he wants as a normal, it’s hard to get a perfect balance but yours is miles away from it and he is treating you like a skivvy. If I was spoken to like that there is no way I would cook enough for him or do anything at all that facilitated it. There have been times over twenty years where one of us does more than the other, it’s give and take on both sides.

Everyone needs practical and emotional support, he is providing you with neither. What was his childhood like was his Mum treated like this?

KM99 Thu 14-Mar-19 17:54:52

He's not pulling his weight emotionally or physically. And he certainly isn't as a parent. That isn't normal. Granted, not every relationship is even when it comes to housework or admin but there should be some kind of balance.

What was his childhood like? Is he from a family where women did everything?

Aria2015 Thu 14-Mar-19 17:51:42

Well your relationship doesn't sound very balanced if you're doing the majority of the day-to-day tasks and housework. It's no wonder you feel the way you do. My dh isn't perfect but he does all the cooking, supermarket shops, shares bedtimes, school drop offs. He has a hobby that he gets to enjoy but he tries to give me a break in return for time he gets to enjoy his hobby to even things out. He treats me nicely and if I'm having a hard day or upset he’ll do what he can to make me feel better or take our lo out to let me relax / get my head together. Doesn't sound like your relationship is much of a partnership if your dh isn't pulling his weight. He's wrong when he says it's normal. It's not normal if you love and respect your partner.

saskia76 Thu 14-Mar-19 17:41:15

Ive been with my partner almost 11 years and we have 2 dc together. We are together because were just going with the flow and its 'routine'. He brings nothing to the relationship for me and i feel like i do so much that he doesn't appreciate. I do all the school runs (when im not working part time then he does it the 2 days im working) i do all the parents evening, all the appointments, school plays, put kids to bed, do homework, take the kids out on my own 95% of the time, sort all the bills, do 99% of cooking/dishes/laudrey/cleaning. Im basically a single Mum. And he says i do alot for the kids but i do f all for him. Which technically i don't because im doing everything else. If i say i do your washing/cooking/cleaning he'll say but your doing it anyway so whats one extra person. Sorry, i went off track a little bit. My aibu is... aibu to ask why are you in a relationship? What makes you stay? My partner says this is a normal relationship and that im just wanting something thats not real. But i feel there should be more that just this. Its my first relationship so got nothing to compare it to.

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