Childcare dilemma

[blackcat86]

Posting here for traffic. DD is 7 months old. I have 2 appointments today (10am & 3pm - both therapy for traumatic birth and PND). I asked PIL last week if they would babysit and they agreed. Realised yesterday that we hadn't set a time and text MIL but realised I've had no response. They are not early risers usually and normally rock up at around 11ish. They have watched DD before including at 9am by arrangement. They're keen to do this and to help when I go back to work.

But, I only realised when I woke up today then I have had no confirmation of time so my options are a) call their landline early no doubt waking them to check they'll be here on time. b) ask my dad to babysit and take DD to him (he doesn't drive) whilst trying to contact PIL, c) not go to first apt if they dont turn up in time (will likely lose my therapy place), d) see if I can take DD to first apt. What would you do? Would it be unreasonable to call them early knowing I'll wake them? I guess this all has to start happening anyway as a trial run from when I'm back to work but still dreading all the inevitable drama especially on a difficult day.

[Nowthenforever2019]

Can you take dd to theirs early?

[blackcat86]

It's not an option I've ruled out but they live 40mins away and therapy is then 30 mins back so for my 10am appointment she would need to be at their house for 9am realistically with traffic, chitchat and settling time. If they are planning to be here on time they'll already have left, if they haven't they'll still be in bed.

I suspect DH will also say that they need to be able to get here on time if they want to do childcare.

[Cantchooseaname]

Give them a call early and check. It’s the only way to know.
Either they will be up and getting ready anyway, so no issue, or not - which you need to know.
I’d take a baby to an appointment rather than risk losing it.
Do they know what therapy is for? I’m sure they will understand your worry.

[murmuration]

I'd give them a call at a time that's reasonable for a rush-getting ready and come over (like 8:20am?). If they're quite keen, they'll make it.

I can't advise on your Dad, but I'd say if you don't have childcare, take the baby to the appointment and explain.

[blackcat86]

Yes they are aware of my PND and diagnosis and although they've declared me better in their mind they do appreciate my need to have therapy before going back to work. I think you're right that calling them may be the only way and if I cant get hold of them calling the therapist. I can hear DH up so I'll go and talk to him.

[Divgirl2]

If they live so far away is it really feasible for them to help with childcare when you go back to work? That's an awful lot of travelling for them.

I'd ring them at 8, and if no answer make other plans (take DC to your dad's, or take DC to the appointment).

Is DH able to call in and go to work after your first appointment?

[acciocat]

Ring as early as feasible to check. I think it’ll be easier for you to focus on you during your appointments if you don’t have your baby with you because at that age they’re likely to be wanting attention/ exploring not just lying in a pram

As a PP said though, I would question the suitability of using PIL for regular childcare if they live 40 mins away and aren’t up and about til 11. Babies and toddlers are hard work and need stimulation. It sounds as though your PIL have slipped comfortably into a retirement lifestyle where they can do their own thing (which is fair enough)

[blackcat86]

Sorted! FIL turned his phone on and they're getting up and ready. Thank goodness for the strong wind that woke him up.

They really want to do childcare and the aim is to share driving. I have a county wide role so I'm often driving past we are getting an isofix base for their car once DD goes into the 9 months + car seat. I'll drop her off and they'll bring her back, bath her and get her ready for bed.

I think this has been a bit of a learning experience all round.

[Divgirl2]

Glad you got it sorted for today OP but I think you're going to need a few trial runs of your long term childcare plans.

You're going to be dragging a 9 month old out of bed, getting them dressed and bundling them into a car for upwards of 40 minutes. Do you feed them before or once they arrive? Hopefully they'll sleep the whole way in the morning, but then when do they nap in the afternoon? In the car again? It'll impact on their night sleep if they're spending nearly 2 hours a day travelling, not to mention it's boring.

A lot of adults wouldn't consider a 40 minute each way commute. Something to think about.

[BishooWishoo]

Many many 9 months olds are “dragged out of bed” to go to nursery! It’s not unreasonable to do this at all. And 40 mins each way is actually less than 1.5 hours, not nearly 2. Try not to use such emotive language to beat the OP with. Something to think about.

[WhenZogateSuperworm]

My DS travels 40 minutes to his childminder in a morning as it’s near my work. We leave the house at 7am. It hasn’t done him any harm and he very rarely slept on the way there when younger. Keeping him awake on the 4:30pm drive home was tricker but I just talked to him lots.