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AIBU?

Just need to vent

25 replies

sleepyyhead · 13/03/2019 09:53

Fast approaching 39 weeks of pregnancy and been off work for a week I'm completely knackered and sick everyday but without fail i clean the house top to bottom and make dinner.
Im still currently living at home and saving to move out which should happen in the next year. But I've been hit with the guilt trip by my brother (who doesn't even live at home) that I'm out of order to want to leave mum on her own to start my own family as she wouldn't be able to afford living on her own. I not longer wish to speak to him as its caused me a lot of stress and sleepless nights and think his out of order to be that way towards me being heavily pregnant.
But that's not just it so being at home all day means I'm greeted with a miserable woman who complains everyday for example That i haven't took the bins out as they were heavy for me to carry, explaining this to her all i get is 'you just sit there your only pregnant!' If its not about cleaning its the shit day shes had at work.
I dread waking up everyday in this house as im so stressed and unhappy with the way my mum is towards me that i went out all day yesterday and then got a phone call asking where i am! Im 26 years off age not 12!
Its become that I don't want to speak to her so as soon as I'm home i shut myself in my bedroom but I don't know if im the one out of order but i want to enjoy my days before birth without such negativity

OP posts:

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Damntheman · 13/03/2019 09:57

You are SO not out of order!

Your brother can shove it up his arse. If he's not willing to move in with your mother when you move out then his opinion is about as useful as a cock flavoured lollipop.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Particularly during a period that should be peaceful and calm. Chin up, look forward to having your own place!

ShartGoblin · 13/03/2019 10:00

I'm out of order to want to leave mum on her own to start my own family as she wouldn't be able to afford living on her own

Oh, when is he moving in then?

This is your life we are talking about, wanting your own space for your family and not wanting to be treated like a child is NORMAL. No-one should be making you feel guilty about it, especially not some bloody hypocrite who is probably just saying what he is because he knows he might actually have to step up and help if she's left along. Also, she's working so she's fully capable of acting like an adult all by herself!

Sorry, I'm probably not helping as I don't know any of the context. You might be the devil incarnate for all I know and people agreeing with you might send you off on a killing rampage. I'll take the risk as you sound like me, far more likely to get caught growling at the damn bin.

You will move out, this time will pass, distance will either improve your relationship with your mum or it won't. Either way you'll be better off.

[flowes]

ShartGoblin · 13/03/2019 10:01

Apparently my spelling ability fell in the bin today

VeraWangTwang · 13/03/2019 10:04

You poor thing. Move out ASAP and start living your life. Nobody should be guilted into being miserable

Birdsgottafly · 13/03/2019 10:04

A hostel would be better than there.

You need to break free.

Read about toxic families. Just so you keep mentally well amd know it's them.

My biggest regret is not leaving home and never looking back. By the time I realised how abusive and fucked up my Mother was, she had a relationship with my children.

I had to go NC and LC for my sanity at times.

CarpetDiem · 13/03/2019 10:05

Your mum & brother sound selfish. Get out of there. Could you move in with baby's dads family?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 13/03/2019 10:05

You lost me at I'm completely knackered and sick everyday but without fail i clean the house top to bottom and make dinner. why does the hosue need cleaning every day from top to bottom?

Where is your partner in all this? He should be picking up the slack and humping heavy bins.

sleepyyhead · 13/03/2019 10:14

Thank you for listening to me
Ill be honest Im far from being the worst child to her i buy a food shop every week i cook dinners and my OH moved in when we found out i was pregnant inwhich he also pays her house keep he works 6 days a week but yet she still gets him to do work around the house to which he does as he doesn't want to be rude but his getting sick of her attitude every day and how im crying most days. She complains that he has a beer at home on a Saturday after work it doesn't bother me so why should it effect her!
She moans if we go out for dinner that shes bored and like billy no mates but in the past we sit downstairs with her and all she does is have a face on her watching her programmes or on her iPad doesn't speak or falls asleep and when we do try have conversations she would either ignore us or tell us to shh and turns the tv up.
I called her out of being rude the other day when my OH rang her not even a hello when she answered it was 'why you calling me?' But no apparently I'm the rude one and that I'm ungrateful! For what i have no idea as she wouldn't answer to why i am?!
But she went out brought all the baby furniture and cot that i never asked her too as its my baby my responsibility!
When it comes to the baby I'm already getting told what i should and shouldn't be doing and i get comments like 'don't leave your child with strangers' like it blows my mind on things she says!!
Ive just got so down about it all im really not happy!

OP posts:

TheSerenDipitY · 13/03/2019 10:27

move out or you will start to hate her and she will drive your husband (?) away with the drama and toxic atmosphere as i cant imagine any man sticking around for years living in a hostile place where his opinion is taken into account and where he is the general dogsbody and verbal punching bag or his wife (?) is

ShartGoblin · 13/03/2019 10:32

Is there any way at all you can speed up the moving our process? Can you move somewhere smaller and save for somewhere better at a later date? When I was renting I used the same letting agent the whole time and they waived all the credit checks and fees when I moved because they had already done them the first time?

I know you're probably trying to be sensible and saving for a decent place and future for your baby but I cannot stress enough how much more important your mental health is to your well-being. Your update paints a much worse picture than your OP. Your mother is very controlling and you need to get away and you need to do it before the baby is born. Even if you have to live in a dingy studio under each others feet, you'll be under the feet of those that love you.

Once you have the baby you will be very vulnerable, your hormones will be all over the place and you'll begin to doubt yourself every time she tries to take over the parenting.

LuckyLou7 · 13/03/2019 10:33

Oh you and your partner need to find somewhere else to live quickly. Have a look on RightMove and Zoopla and get out so you start your new life as a family of three in your own home.

If your brother is concerned about your mum affording to live alone, then perhaps he can give her some money to help out. Alternatively, mum could get a lodger - but she will have to be warned that her lodger won't do the housework and take the bins out and cook for her.

MRex · 13/03/2019 10:36

Can you and your OH move out this week? It isn't healthy to have somebody stressing you out when you're heavily pregnant, nor will it be when the baby is here. Your mum and brother don't sound kind TBH.

ViolaD77 · 13/03/2019 10:39

Oh my, sounds like my MIL. She and SIL's behaved like this to my DH for a long time until he told them where to go as the guilt trips were sickening. May I ask where your partner is? Does he live with you? If not can you move in with him?

ViolaD77 · 13/03/2019 10:40

Sorry if that is rude to ask but if the dad is not around you will need your mum's support once the baby is born. Maybe it might change your relaewith her to a positive one?

Singlenotsingle · 13/03/2019 10:45

Just leave. You know you've got to. And I don't know why DB is sticking his oar in. Actually I do. He's worried that she'll be on his case more, when you're not there to suck it up. Get out of there. It's toxic and you don't need it.

starfishmummy · 13/03/2019 10:54

If she's working then its not like she is in her dotage so she can cope when you move out. Which needs to be asap.

sleepyyhead · 13/03/2019 11:29

My brother says he still gives her money and pays for virgin media but more fool him she only flicks through channels 1-5, she doesn't work full time even though she claims she does! But not once does he message to ask how pregnancy is I don't expect world revolved around me but its going to be the first baby in the family i kinda expected more than this but they will want to know when she is here!
My sister on the other hand has been brilliant i spend days with her when shes not a work but did say he got the guilt trip when she moved out.
My dad is apparently to be blamed for everything because he left my mum 16 years ago, me and my sister have always maintained a close relationship with him whereas my brother still has issues yet be happy enough to receive money each year at Christmas from him!

OP posts:

OKBobble · 13/03/2019 11:38

Seriously just move out now

MeltedCheese82 · 13/03/2019 11:42

Sounds like a toxic household.

You really need to move out, is this possible?

Don't feel responsible for your Mother, if your Brother is that concerned then he can move in.

Omzlas · 13/03/2019 11:45

Why are you still there? Why pay her bills and clean her house? Fuck THAT

Move out. ASAP. For your sanity.

SnuggyBuggy · 13/03/2019 11:52

I don't know if you are hoping to breastfeed but you will not be able to find the time to do so and provide dinner and a full cleaning service. Your mum should not be expecting you to support her in any case.

Is there anywhere else you can go to have your baby?

sleepyyhead · 13/03/2019 11:57

Its going to take me a year to be able to move out i live near london so house prices are over the top even to rent its nearly £1500 thats without other bills and being on mat leave its un do able :(
I know I've gotta just suck it up for a year but i just thought this whole situation would be better staying at home till then but shes just turnt into a monster past couple of months and so my fault to chose to have a baby without my own place and that's something I truly regret.
Im going through a life changing situation and really thought id atleast have my mums support

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sleepyyhead · 13/03/2019 12:00

Ive kinda gone on strike today with the cleaning as since 4pm yesterday I haven't been downstairs so whatever mess there is i plan on being out when she comes home from work but lets see if anything gets said after 3 :/

OP posts:

Motoko · 13/03/2019 14:14

You can't put up with this for another year, not with a baby. You might just have to get a studio flat, but you really need to get out. She will be completely intolerable, and will tell you everything you're doing is wrong.

You will be feeling very vulnerable after the birth, and she's a massive danger to your mental health. It's really that serious.

You need to get out asap.

SnuggyBuggy · 13/03/2019 14:24

This, it's difficult enough having a newborn when you are living in a healthy environment

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