NOTE: I suffer from anxiety, so please be sensitive with your comments/wording.
I am hoping you can give me some advice, or help me feel a little better… My 2 SIL’s always seem to ostracise me and my husband, maybe as we have no kids.
Husband’s sister, let’s call her X
&
Husband’s brother’s wife, let’s call her Y
They both had kids and are always meeting up, taking the kids out. Y is always talking about how she met up with X and took the kids out and they had a nice glass of prosecco, took the kids for dinner and a movie, etc.… Recently I found out that they both (& their kids) went to visit my husband’s cousin (also has kids), who lives 1.5 hours’ drive away. I did say to X, “why didn’t you ask me?” Her response was “you were working” (they went on a weekday). Even though she knows I WFH and my job is flexible and can take my laptop anywhere with me.
There have been more incidents in the past where me (or my husband & I), have not been invited/included. My husband’s brother had his daughter’s birthday party (a kids thing at a local rugby club), we were not invited. Then the next day Y was going on about how they had the best evening ever and how all the adults were all sitting out in the sun enjoying a bottle of wine! My husband was fuming at this but remained calm, and the next time he saw him, he asked why we were not asked to attend, his brother said ”it must have been an oversight!!!” When my husband and I mentioned this to X, even she was surprised that we were not invited (however she is always away with the fairies and really never has a clue about what is going on around her or even think to ask where we are or why we were not invited). So she is aware that we are sometimes ostracised.
On top of this, I know that X does not like Y as she has talked about her to me and my husband, as their daughters are the same age and Y is constantly putting X’s daughter down and is very competitive. Now my husband is more than capable of outing everybody on their behaviour, my issue is that he will just get wound up, losing his temper and end up arguing with them all and probably say some things he doesn’t mean, which I why I have said to my husband not to confront everybody. Also I know it will give Y the satisfaction that we felt left out as she is really not a nice person, (even my In-laws have said they don’t like her and have remarked on her jealous and horrible ways.) She is always making remarks about how my husband and I don’t have kids,( e.g. we travel a lot, and the comments have been “you can only travel a lot as you don’t have kids”, to which my husband curtly responded “we could have 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 kids, we would still travel!” or when asked what we got up to on the weekend, we mentioned that we went to Ikea to get a few bits, to which the response was “oh when you’ve got kids, Ikea is a nightmare”. ALWAYS starting her sentences off with “when you’ve got 3 kids…”) Basically anything we mention that we do, the “kids” line is dropped!
Before anybody comments why would I want to spend time them... Although I am not too keen on my SIL’s, it would be nice to try and have a better relationship with them, be included in meet-ups (or have the option to say no) and at least build a better relationship with my nieces/nephews. I feel that sometimes they do it on purpose, the way they speak about it afterwards, and I’m sat there thinking, why did you not think to ask me?!
I have tried to meet up and have dinners with X & Y, purely as I’ve wanted to make an effort for the sake of my husband and the family. (We all live within 5 mins drive of each other). Y always makes a huge hoohaa about timings as “when you’ve got 3 kids” is a “nightmare” putting them to bed. And when we have had dinners, most of the topics have been about kids (again Y does this on purpose knowing I will be left out).
I do have a small circle of close friends who are amazing and have given me advice, but maybe they are being biased!
I do suffer from anxiety, which doesn’t help, but how can I solve this without coming across as b*tchy/petty to them, stressing myself (& my husband) out, making myself more anxious or causing arguments in the family?
Thank you.
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For being overly sensitive & feeling ostracised by my 2 SIL's?
40 replies
NoNameNoGame · 11/03/2019 19:52
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