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AIBU?

AIBU to my partner by meeting up with a man I know via online dating?

31 replies

ApostleLover · 06/03/2019 14:17

I've been in a relationship for over a year very happily. I met a man I get along well with via online dating. We are planning to meet at the weekend with our kids who are similar ages. Although nothing romantic has happened between us I can't help feeling it doesn't sit quite right given we met via a dating app.

OP posts:

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AryaStarkWolf · 06/03/2019 14:18

YABU imo. If you put yourself in his shoes would you be ok with it? I know I wouldn't be

sue51 · 06/03/2019 14:20

You know its wrong to do this.

ApostleLover · 06/03/2019 14:20

Thanks Arya ...this is the thought process I have at the moment. I'm being disrespectful to him.

OP posts:

BiscuitDrama · 06/03/2019 14:21

Will your partner be there too?

Flev · 06/03/2019 14:21

Would you feel comfortable asking/telling your partner about the meetup and who this man is? If not, don't meet him.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 06/03/2019 14:22

Why are you meeting men via online dating when you've been 'happily' in a relationship for over a year?

PutyourtoponTrevor · 06/03/2019 14:23

Yeah, not sure why you're even on dating websites when you're in a happy relationship?

ApostleLover · 06/03/2019 14:24

I met him online dating before I met my partner so we were already friends before I met my partner. I have invited my partner to meet too but I don't think the timings will work for him so I'm now feeling it's inappropriate for me to go without him.

OP posts:

WonkoTheSane42 · 06/03/2019 14:24

Did you meet him before you were in a relationship and decided you clicked as friends? Or did you meet him after your partner because you’re still doing online dating for some reason?

whatwouldyoubelikeat28 · 06/03/2019 14:24

OP means someone she has previously met OLD. I wouldn't care OP, my bf has exes he meets sometimes, not a problem for me and us.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 06/03/2019 14:24

What does your partner think about it?

PinkHeart5914 · 06/03/2019 14:25

You want to take your dc to meet this man? Why? Weird

Are you on a dating site while in a relationship? It’s not clear from your op. If so, that is wrong on so many levels

This meet happening sounds disrespectful to your dp and yes yabu

legalseagull · 06/03/2019 14:25

If you've been completely honest with your DP about where you met him, then there's no problem at all. Have fun with a friend.

ApostleLover · 06/03/2019 14:27

My partner has just said he'll try and come along but I think it's going to be difficult for him as he has commitments with his own kids that day.

OP posts:

littleyellowpencil · 06/03/2019 14:27

If you genuinely felt like it was just a friendship then why are you worried?

If it's been JUST friendship from day 1 then why does it matter?

ApostleLover · 06/03/2019 14:27

My partner and my friend have met on several occasions.

OP posts:

Fiveredbricks · 06/03/2019 14:29

I'd go. If your partner is aware. You're allowed to have male friends regardless of how you met contrary to popular (and mentallist) mumsnet views...

Ellisandra · 06/03/2019 14:29

14:24 is an answer changing dripfeed.

You met a guy via OLD. It didn’t work for you as a romantic relationship, but you stayed friends. You’ve met before. Now you’re taking your kids out together. Your boyfriend knows and is invited, he just can’t make it.

you have to be honest with yourself if your feelings are friends only
you have to be realistic about what the other man is hoping for
your boyfriend has a right to know about 1 and 2, but no right to stop you having a friendship if both 1 and 2 are clear.

Hell, I’ve taken my child out with an actual ex and his child. My husband couldn’t care less. The ex and I are completely done (both sides).

MRex · 06/03/2019 14:30

If it's just friendship and you're honest with your partner about how you know him then I don't see what the issue is. I can only assume you're concerned because you don't think it's just friendship.

ApostleLover · 06/03/2019 14:34

Thank you Ellis and apologies for the dripfeed. There's absolutely nothing romantic from my side. I'm pretty sure nothing from his side either and he knows how happy I am with my partner. My partner is invited and my gut feel is that he'd really like to be there but the logistics are tricky for him. Even though nothing romantic has ever been there I still think it's not a nice thought for my partner to think that we were attracted to each others photos and chats before we met.

OP posts:

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 06/03/2019 14:34

So your partner knows and isn’t bothered? You have shared everything with him that you’ve shared with us and he’s still fine?

Why are you dithering?

ApostleLover · 06/03/2019 14:35

I'm thinking I just have an honest conversation with my partner about it.

OP posts:

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ErickBroch · 06/03/2019 14:52

If he's met him before, was invited, and genuinely knows about it all then it's not a problem.

Jupiters · 06/03/2019 15:16

If you knew him before your DP and your DP doesn't have an issue then it all sounds fine.

Bussells · 06/03/2019 15:19

My bf met a woman via online dating before he met me and they decided to just be friends. I have no problem with it, if he had wanted to be with her then he would be.

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