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To expect DS17 to spend whole of holiday with us?

(85 Posts)
tumpymummy Wed 06-Mar-19 00:37:03

Had a may half term holiday to Spain all booked (since last Sep), fly out Fri eve, spend w/e with friends, hire car drive to different part of coast, fly home at end of week. However lovely Ryan air have changed our Fri eve flight to a Fri morning which means kids will miss last day of term now. Ds17 doesn't want to miss a day of school (hardworking year 12, expected A* at A level) so he wants to now fly out on his own on the Tues to join us at the second destination. Plus this means he can also go to a small festival at home on the weekend now. Doesn't look like this will cost any extra, but hubby and DD14 are disappointed that he wouldn't be with us for first part of holiday. I'm not sure how comfortable I am at leaving him home alone for a few days, going to a festival, then flying alone. He is a sensible kid, and has stayed home a couple of nights on his own before but this time we would be out of the country (grandparents do live only an hr away). Really torn about whether to Rebook his flights for later? Part of me realises he is growing up and wants to do his own thing, but on the other hand I really value our family holidays when we actually get to do things and spend time together. DS and DD have always got on well together so she will miss him for the time he isn't there. Would welcome others opinions pls?

Yogagirl123 Wed 06-Mar-19 06:57:51

I wonder how many of the mums saying let go have 17 year old DS.

I do and I would be undecided, not that I don’t trust my very sensible 17 year old son, for one thing he has never been left alone at home overnight, and the festival part would worry me too.

I am prepared to be flamed as an “over protective” mum. But I can completely understand where OP is coming from. When we go away on hols I like to know that our home is secure, all exterior doors locked, windows locked, burglar alarm on, food thrown out that will go out of date, electrical appliances turned off that don’t need to stay on, heating turned down or off, nothing dirty left in the dishwasher, etc. I think that’s a lot of responsibility to put on a 17 years old.

allthegoodusernameshavegone Wed 06-Mar-19 07:04:53

I’m surprised he wanted to go away with you at all at 17. Times have definitely changed why can’t we let our young grow up.

Redlocks28 Wed 06-Mar-19 07:07:43

I have a 17 year old and would definitely him do that.

Why should your wants trump his?

DameXanaduBramble Wed 06-Mar-19 07:14:04

I do have a son of that age and you are being a little bit over protective yogagirl not to even allow him alone overnight. What about university etc? You have to let them have responsibility some time. So what if there are dishes in the dishwasher or an out of date yogurt in the fridge, it really doesn’t matter. Let them grow up.

Ragwort Wed 06-Mar-19 07:22:18

I also have a DS of the same age & appreciate it is not an easy decision & the first time I left him home alone for the night (aged 16) I was very anxious. But he will soon be leaving home (hopefully) for uni so he has to learn to cope, to make decisions etc etc. It’s all part of growing up into an independent adult. The Festival part would worry me the most, but again, I have to let him live his own life.

Seeline Wed 06-Mar-19 07:23:37

I think it's unreasonable expecting a Y12 student to spend the whole May half term on a family holiday. My 17yo is inundated with work, and has exams very soon after the break which he needs to get decent grades in to continue with his A levels. He will need to spend most of the time revising.
I would be happy to let him fly out later, and I would be happy for him to be home alone.

Sparklesocks Wed 06-Mar-19 07:24:28

I think it’s very reasonable, I stopped going on family holidays at 17 myself so I’d enjoy the fact he’s coming at all, as he probably won’t next year!

HomeMadeMadness Wed 06-Mar-19 07:25:57

It won't be long till he's left home for good he should definitely be able to handle a few days alone. At 17 it's a good compromise he's coming on the holiday at all.

TapasForTwo Wed 06-Mar-19 07:27:13

As an aside, is it Slamdunk?

MsTSwift Wed 06-Mar-19 07:30:01

No brainer let him of course he’s 17 not 7. Most 17 year olds flatly refuse to holiday with parents at all

caughtinanet Wed 06-Mar-19 07:31:10

The concept is fine but obviously no one here knows your son so only you can decide whether it's appropriate for him.

Some 17 year olds will be fine, some won't, I don't know how some posters seem to know that your DS will be OK.

What I find a bit unusual is the comment about your DH and DD wanting him to be there at the beginning of the holiday - what is that? I wouldn't have that as a factor in the decision.

LellyMcKelly Wed 06-Mar-19 07:32:56

He’ll be living on his own in 6 months. Some kids are living alone at 16. He’s sensible. Why not ask him to invite a friend to stay for a few nights? Then he won’t be ‘alone’ alone.

Algebraicyourleg Wed 06-Mar-19 07:33:03

Just a thought that it may not just be about missing a day of school, the last day before May half term could potentially be the last day for upper sixth students. I realise that your son is only lower sixth but he may want to say goodbye to anyone he knows in upper. Potentially not and was just a thought.

Danubia Wed 06-Mar-19 07:34:48

Dd and dh’s wants don’t trump ds’s.

Why don’t you use the few days he’s not there to spend some special time with dd? Maybe go out for dinner at a posh restaurant or a shopping trip. She’s going to be spending a lot less time with your ds anyway when he’s off to uni.

Collaborate Wed 06-Mar-19 07:36:13

It won't be that long before he'd rather chop off a foot than go on holiday with you. If you force him to do something against his will that time may come sooner than you think. Let him do as he suggests and make the most of the time he's going to spend with you away.

Pinkbells Wed 06-Mar-19 07:37:40

I'd be inclined to kick up a big stink with the airline to get the tickets changed back to evening ones.

Singlenotsingle Wed 06-Mar-19 07:41:25

He's almost grown we n up. My dp was married at 17.

notacooldad Wed 06-Mar-19 07:41:43

I wouldn't have a problem with this.

oldmum22 Wed 06-Mar-19 07:44:16

I think you should let him join you on the Tuesday and go to the festival. As a back up plan , I might be inclined to speak to one of the mates Mums, to ask if your DS has a problem, they could help or maybe contact you. I totally understand about letting go of the reins but you still feel responsibility for your offspring.

Deadbudgie Wed 06-Mar-19 07:48:19

Absolutely let him. It will also do your DDgood to get used to going away without DB.

Lungelady Wed 06-Mar-19 07:50:54

Let him go!
Dd never came on holiday with us past 16.

sashh Wed 06-Mar-19 07:55:18

Put it this way, do you want a grumpy 17 year old all holiday or your usual sensible 17 year old for most of it?

He's virtually an adult, I'm sure he can get himself on a flight. If you are bothered about him being alone could a grandparents stay? That's what used to happen when I was in my teens, gran moved in for the week - but at 17 I had long stopped going on holiday with my parents.

anniehm Wed 06-Mar-19 07:57:05

Sounds fine, at 17 they will have exams in June so im surprised they want to be away at all (whilst the exams are internal now at most schools they form the basis for predicted grades for university!)

JudgeRindersMinder Wed 06-Mar-19 08:08:14

We’re leaving our almost 17 year old home alone for 4 nights for the first time too. I’ll admit my heart is in my mouth, but he sounds a lot like your ds. As others have said my concern isn’t so much him as other people knowing he’s home alone. We’re fortunate in having other very nearby, but @oldmum22’s suggestion sounds like a good idea.
I also agree with what others say about dh and other ducks wishes not trumping your ds’s wishes.
Putting your trust in him now could be the the building blocks of maintaining a really good relationship with him as he becomes more independent

JudgeRindersMinder Wed 06-Mar-19 08:08:59

Other dc’s not other ducks 😂

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