To think DP May have caused this...

[Sophisticatedsarcasm]

DS 11 has Austim, Yesterday morning he gets up to tell me felt sick, didn’t say anything else so let him be, gets home says he’s sick again, okay so he takes it easy, didn’t say anything today until the evening when he mentioned he felt sick again. Putting him to bed and he told me not to worry about his iPad because he’s put it on charge which is unusual as he usually leav3s it for me to sort out, I’ve just gone to make sure it’s charging when I notice the screens all funny, I know believe this to be the source of his nausea. I don’t believe it to be his fault as the same thing happened to brothers girlfriends phone a few weeks ago. The problem is whenever something gets broken DP flies off the handle before even asking him what’s happened. He’s had the iPad 3 years and he’s literally on it all the time as that’s his go to to lower his anxiety. Aibu to think he hasn’t said anything because hes worried his dad with get angry. I’m more of the laid back one but I really do think it was wear and tear. I’ve got his old old one out and put it on charge so he can use that till I can organise a replacement.

[userschmoozer]

It doesn't sound like you are being unreasonable, but you cant let things go on like this.
Are you afraid to talk to your DH?

[needthisthread]

’ve just gone to make sure it’s charging when I notice the screens all funny, I know believe this to be the source of his nausea. I don’t believe it to be his fault as the same thing happened to brothers girlfriends phone a few weeks ago.

Can you explain this? It makes zero sense to me.

[Sophisticatedsarcasm]

He’s in bed as he gets up early for work and I’ve only just realised, I’m not afraid to talk to DP, I just think DS was afraid to say something, I haven’t yet spoke to him either, I know it defo wasn’t in that state Thursday night as I put it on charge so I think Yesterday morning is when it happened hence why he said he felt sick.

[janetforpresident]

Well it depends what you mean by flying off the handle. 3 years isn't really that long for an iPad even with regular use. You say he flies of the handle but does that mean Ds regularly has broken electrical items?

Having said that he should feel he can come to his parents and say his iPad seems to be broken. What would your DP say now If you told him about the situation?

[jennybinky]

Are you able to perhaps talk to your husband and say you've noticed that it's broken like the one you've seen previously? Let him know about it before he finds out for himself? The thing is you would want your child to come to you for anything that happens so if they don't feel they can say anything about their iPad which wasn't purposefully broken then how are they going to be able to come to you both for future problems. He needs to trust that you'll both be there and while you might not be very happy there wont't be a flying off the handle scenario. Or try talking to your son and let him know that you're aware it's broken and say you think it was probably wear and tear and not to worry too much. Don't want him making himself ill worrying over it.

[Sophisticatedsarcasm]

@needthisthread
I went to double check his iPad was charging properly as we have a dodgy cable which sometimes takes a few tries to get charging. I noticed the screen was all fuzzy and I think that’s the reason he’s been feeling sick. I don’t think it’s his fault as the same thing happened to my brothers gf screen a few weeks back

[needthisthread]

Ah ok. I thought he had been sick on the iPad and hidden it.

[Sophisticatedsarcasm]

@jennybinky
Oh he has come to show me previous issues he’s had with it where he’s thought it was broken and I’ve fixed it, I think it’s more of the fact that the iPad is on DPs data plan which means His dad has to directly deal with it. Im not sure why he’s not come to me this time as he comes to with all other problems he has big and small. I think it’s also because that is his go to, when he gets anxious, needs personal time, that’s his thing.

[jennybinky]

Oh right I see what you mean.. I get why he's probably worried if it's your partners data plan especially since you've said he does sometimes fly off the handle without time to explain. Maybe speaking to your partner about how his reaction affects your son? Maybe he doesn't realise that he flys off the handle quite like he does?
As for the iPad helping your son you're probably right with that if that's what makes him feel better usually then not having it or the thought of it being broken for good is probably worrying him.
Hope you find a solution!

[SleepingStandingUp]

I’m not afraid to talk to DP, so what have you said to DP previously to address his flying off the handle?

[Birdsgottafly]

So, your 11 year old Autistic Son has made himself sick with worry for three days, because he's scared of your DH's reaction.

Do you not see that it's time to address his Dad's reactions, before something serious happens?

There's campaigns to highlight how important it is to get the men in our lives to talk about anything bothering them. This has to start in childhood.

This can't go on.

[Hidingtonothing]

Maybe you could use this as a way to guide DP to a more gentle approach with DS. When you tell him what's happened say something like 'I think DS thought it was his fault and was getting himself worked up about telling us, that's why he's been feeling sick. I feel awful that he'd be afraid to tell us something like that, are we doing something wrong do you think?'

Even if DP brushes it off initially it might be enough to plant the seed and make him think about his own behaviour. That's assuming 'flying off the handle' isn't code for abusive anyway, my advice would be entirely different in that case.

[PickAChew]

MYbe missing the point, but if he uses it at home does it even need to be on a data plan?

[Kneehigim]

Aw bless him. My DH would get a belt of the frying pan across the head if he made my child sick with worry.

[WatchToTheEnd]

"My DH would get a belt of the frying pan across the head if he made my child sick with worry."

Healthy.

I hope you don't actually have children.

[Kneehigim]

Yes, I meant it literally...

[Sophisticatedsarcasm]

All sorted, DP actually saw it this morning and woke me up worried how we would tell DS his iPad screen had gone. I spoke to DP about how DS was probably worried to tell us and he said he got angry last time because he broke it doing something he was told not to... obviously a bit of failure in communication. Everything is all good and a new one is coming tomorrow. Thankfully we still had insurance on it 🙏🏼

[Namechangeforthiscancershit]

Really pleased to read this 💜

[Kneehigim]

Great!

[ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine]

Is it possible that staring at an Ipad with a fuzzy screen all day is what's made him sick? If it was me I'd be in bed with a migraine within the hour. Obviously the being too nervous to tell you is a problem, and it sounds like that's been dealt with now, but the sickness isn't automatically down to nerves.

[SaturdayNext]

I'd take the iPad into an Apple store to sort the screen out rather than assume it had to be replaced.

[Missingstreetlife]

Knee high. Woman after my own heart.

[needthisthread]

On a bit of a side note, your 11 year old autistic child has had the iPad without supervision. That needs to change.