Advanced search

AIBU to expect civilised behaviour from my remote work colleagues?

(66 Posts)
Toolonguntilthenextholiday Wed 27-Feb-19 18:43:59

I work mostly from home and have a lot of online interaction with other international and remote workers. Aibu to expect them to respect the fact that they are ‘virtually’ in my own home and should therefore mind their manners? Especially when there are children in the house? I have an office in my home and I can shut the door - headphones are the obvious answer as far as the children are concerned, but do I really have to put up with unhinged language and behaviour?

Do others experience this as well?

Prequelle Wed 27-Feb-19 18:49:29

I think I would need examples of the 'unhinged behaviour'.

The children bit isn't relevant to me though, you're working and should be able to discuss matters than might not be fit for children's ears.

StillCoughingandLaughing Wed 27-Feb-19 18:50:30

You’re not inviting them into your home. You’re working from home. They’re not ‘virtually’ in your home; you have, presumably for your own convenience, based yourself there instead of in the office. If there are things you can’t do, or that you won’t accept your colleagues doing, because you’re at home, you shouldn’t WFH.

If their behaviour is genuinely ‘unhinged’, surely that wouldn’t be acceptable in the office either?

Isth Wed 27-Feb-19 18:51:22

Pretty much impossible to say without any sort of context, but using ‘theres children in the house’ would be ridiculously unprofessional. By all means, say you don’t appreciate the language/behaviour or you feel it’s not appropriate.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername Wed 27-Feb-19 18:55:06

They're not virtually in your home, you're virtually in the office. You shouldn't have children in your workplace.

sonjadog Wed 27-Feb-19 18:58:58

Depends on what the unhinged language and behaviour is. Would it be acceptable in a work environment with no children around? If so, then YABU. If it would be unacceptable anywhere, then YANBU.

Purpleartichoke Wed 27-Feb-19 19:15:58

I can’t think of any office appropriate behavior that isn’t also child appropriate.

There might be actual work related content that the children should not hear either because you work on sensitive matters or because of confidentiality issues. It’s your responsibility to make sure family members or bystanders do not overhear those kinds of matters.

Purpleartichoke Wed 27-Feb-19 19:18:25

I did once have to ask my colleagues to stop joking about setting off telecommuters alexa’s Because they were indeed setting off my Alexa over and over again since I have one on my work desk. We all found it quite funny.

Toolonguntilthenextholiday Wed 27-Feb-19 19:23:04

There is no office to go to - I would happy work from the office, but we are expected to work from home. I take the point that I am virtually in the office and should ensure that I am not overheard or children do not have to listen to bad behaviour.
Agreed - to point this out is unprofessional.
I still don’t like it and I am just not happy that there are no hard borders and I am expected to be available round the clock, I am probably just fed up with it all.

Toolonguntilthenextholiday Wed 27-Feb-19 19:25:25

I think this would be unacceptable anywhere and it is irrelevant if online or offline, it just makes it worse as dealing with bad behaviour online is more difficult. People just say they have to go and that’s it. Nothing I can do about it.

Etino Wed 27-Feb-19 19:26:03

Are you complaining about colleagues swearing? YABU I’m afraid, your children shouldn’t be within earshot.
If they’re saying things or using language you wouldn’t tolerate face to face, definitely bring it up.

LostInShoebiz Wed 27-Feb-19 19:26:41

You’re making two different points. It is unreasonable to expect you to be available around the clock. That, however, is entirely different from “unhinged” language and behaviour which makes you sound, well, unhinged.

Etino Wed 27-Feb-19 19:27:02

Ewww have to go as in using the loo when you’re talking?

spugzbunny Wed 27-Feb-19 19:29:16

Are people taking shits when you are on the phone to them? 😳

NothingOnTellyAgain Wed 27-Feb-19 19:31:50

I thought you meant that their kids were being unhinged and behaving badly and you could hear it?

Need some examples.
I work from home a fair bit
The women and men on the team all have youngish kids
We're lucky that we can duck out to do school run if needed etc
I have zero issues with hearing an occasional child filtering over the meeting or whatever
I also personally don't mind swearing

If your workmates are swearing at you that is an HR issue, ditto them being unhinged?!

Obviously client calls / larger meetings then no kids and less swearing grin

I LIKE that our team is able to be human with each other, this feels like progress, when both men and women admit they have children then it makes womens lives easier > 10 years ago it was all men beign proud dads but never helping and women too scared to even mention kids!

Give us some examples of what you're actually talking about..

NataliaOsipova Wed 27-Feb-19 19:32:17

What kind of language and behaviour are we talking about?

OlennasWimple Wed 27-Feb-19 19:33:47

If they are being abusive, that's not Ok

If you are expected to be available all hours of the day and night, that's not OK

If you are expecting to be able to have kids at home and work full time, that's not OK

donquixotedelamancha Wed 27-Feb-19 19:41:27

Ooooohhhh. I love threads where you have to play 'respond to the OP with no information or context'. Hhhmmmmm...uncivilised behaviour? Here goes:

I think you are being a bit fussy about the chewing gum and you were wrong to tell her to shave her toes (although, no they shouldn't have been on the desk). YANBU to complain about her calling you a donkey r****g s**t eater- that was too far.

NothingOnTellyAgain Wed 27-Feb-19 19:43:18

Please report them for breaking wind loudly and saying "check that out!" to HR.

On the comedy duck quack device, it is best left til the end of calls.

NothingOnTellyAgain Wed 27-Feb-19 19:43:52

Tell them that you are not keen on messages being relayed in interpretative mime.

Especialyl over the phone.

Mouikey Wed 27-Feb-19 19:44:32

Have your u considered finding a workspace away from home? We have free hubs locally and that where I work on occasion when I work from home. I couldn’t physically be at home because of my toddler.

DanielRicciardosSmile Wed 27-Feb-19 19:45:01

@donquixote I knew without looking that was your post! grin

ApplestheHare Wed 27-Feb-19 19:48:25

OP I'm so intrigued by the unhinged behaviour. What are they actually doing?

Also, the being available round the clock issue is obviously separate but I can understand if that's happening and you're fed up with it. Everyone needs clear lines between personal and working time.

Toolonguntilthenextholiday Wed 27-Feb-19 19:49:13

Sorry - I will try to be more specific. I am in a bit of a state after a horrid Skype call - and still trying to figure out what actually happened and also furious that I had to put up with this bullying behaviour. That my child was at home is neither here nor there, but unfortunately they had to listen to somebody’s erratic and unreasonable personal attacks on their mum.

Dermymc Wed 27-Feb-19 19:51:11

Take it higher. Go to their boss.

Tbf with Skype surely you can just turn it off if someone's being a knob.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »