AIBU with DP not being entirely aware of our finances?

Reallyevilmuffin · 2019-02-26 19:41:47

I'm kinda expecting to get flamed here, I can take flak if you think I deserve it. We've been together 4 years. Just before getting together I bought a 4 bed house putting down a 15% deposit. She was in housing association housing. We moved into this house 6m ago, and it's pretty nice all things considered, but she would prefer a different area, which I agree with. We now have twins under a year and a DSD to me of 7 who lives here full time. Now for the money - she knows all about the house purchase, and how much I earn per year. We don't have a joint account, purely because she has not bothered to get ID stating this address, I am keen for one. I am the sole Warner, she is looking after the kids and then going back into education, which is set up for September. I pay all household bills, all clothing, her driving lessons etc. She gets 400 a month to do whatever she wants with on top of this currently, although this has halved currently so we can buy a car for her outright. However, I haven't told her the full extent of my previous, now our joint assets. I have a savings account that the deposit came from that has a monthly contribution into from my wages. It has more than the deposit I put down in now. How has this happened? Well it has slowly built up, and DP is not great with money. She has bipolar, and She has a lot of historical credit card debt that she built up when in a manic episode. She struggles to not spend money she has, but is more keen than me on moving and getting married etc, big expenses but just really struggles to save for them. The bigger issue is her being a kind heart but a bit of a sucker for a son story. Apparently it was worse before, but in the time we have been together (mostly asked for from me) she has given away over 4 grand (that she has told me of) to friends who were hard up feeding her sob stories, or even just people on Facebook groups sometimes. The last time this happened was around 18m ago. I am petrified of this happening again, so I create a somewhat bigger impression of hardship than we have. If for example the car broke down, I would just advise her that I would sort it and would mix finding a deal, money from parents etc. So Essentially, I would have told her by now if it weren't for the masses of money that has wandered off, but it was too early then I was too worried about it getting sucked away... We are planning to move soon which she is completely niave about re costs/fees etc. I could sort it all out so she was never even aware of it. Which route should I go down?

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AIBU?

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