To ask how to improve my life?(7 Posts)
I feel like life is passing me by. Inspired by a thread about how quick children grow up and it made me sad. I want to enjoy these years. I don’t want to look back in sadness and just remember how stressful and lonely it was.
We have fun times, days out ect, even they are stressful. life is just a bit dull. I always feel stressed or in a rush and like I’m just treading water.
My job is ok, badly paid but I work term time and value the time I get to spend with the kids. I never feel like I have enough money but we manage treats and stuff so I shouldn’t complain.
I think maybe I’d enjoy life a bit more if I was happier or done some things I enjoy or had some friends. But how does one go about getting these things?
My social life revolves around the kids, we’ll go the the park, zoo, cinema ect. These are my treats. I enjoy them. But they are realistically for the kids. We don’t go with friends as I don’t have any. I see photos of people taking their kids out together as a group and I feel jealous.
I maybe go out two or three times a year with work colleagues but other than that I’m in every single evening.
I want a bit of a social life or some friends with children to do things with. But it seems impossible. I know people will suggest hobbies to meet people, but there’s nothing I can think of that I enjoy. I have no interests. I’ve been a single mum since 18. Even if there was somewhere I could go to meet people, I’d have nobody to watch the kids.
I suppose IABU because I’m asking for advice knowing full well I’m going to shoot down the suggestions. Im just sick of never feeling happy. Even on the ‘fun day trips’ I wouldn’t describe myself as happy, although I like them.
How old are your DC?
You can't do a lot independent from them when they're young, but once they start hitting secondary school, you start getting your life back.
If they're still in primary, bond like fuck with the other parents you see on the playground every day, because you don't get contacts like those after Yr 6.
But, I promise, you WILL look back on these days of their childhoods and miss them once they're gone, so even if you don't do much, and even if they're dull and boring at the time; I urge you to treasure them.
Something you don't learn until too late is that each hour, each day is interminably long. But then you blink, and they're 15 and gone, and you miss it like crazy!
Photographs. Take lots of them but make sure you're in them too. You'll look back on them and remember the times you laughed at and with your kids. The times you forget about in the moment now.
Also, what can you do just for you?
One in secondary and one in primary. I struggle to bond with other parents from school. My youngest can be quite difficult and people see this on the school run and at the park ect so I feel like people don’t really want to spend time with us. I get on ok with a few of the parents but nobody ever initiates meet ups or play dates. I e suggested things in the past but nothing ever comes of it. Everyone has their own friends.
I really do want to treasure these years. I think I’m lonely and everything just seems so mundane. Days out are ok, but there’s never another adult or kids to come with us and share it with
Could you do something that is "organised" for parents and DC during the holidays, where you would go with DC and hopefully get some adult company whilst you were there? Thinking something like a painting pottery workshop that they run where I live. My local library also does stuff for primary aged school children, and manga workshops for secondary school age.
Are you willing to get involved with a church? Many (I would hope most!) would make you and DC welcome.
Would your youngest do Brownies/Cubs, where you could volunteer as a helper at the same time, leaving the oldest home alone? Or indeed volunteer at any club your youngest does. Clubs usually need volunteers!
Look out for National Trust stuff in your area, that you could do with DC but where there would be other adults. I have seen things like river clearance of junk, which are one off projects during holidays, or at weekends, rather than ongoing commitments.
Would you consider park runs with the kids at the weekend? I am led to believe that they are very welcoming.
Might be useless depending on where you live but have you tried the app Mush?
Making friends is so difficult as an adult...
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