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AIBU?

Friend & Co-worker Not Returning Money For Work Expenses

151 replies

poppycity · 10/02/2019 15:49

I am very careful with money and don't lend money to friends I know that it can ruin relationships. I've helped friends out in need when I've chosen to but agree with people like Martin Lewis that loaning friends money is a recipe for disaster so when a friend is in a hard place I'm happy to help but as a gift not a loan (for example friend whose dp left and she was a sahm, I brought meals and gave them vouchers and money as a gift her her to buy business attire for an interview etc.)

I have a friend who we did a freelance gig together. We both work for NGO's. We each were responsible for doing different things and paid differently and submitted receipts individually. Hope that makes sense. Anyway, this friend has had money woes and now can't have a credit card. So when it came time to it she asked me if I could put her travel expense on my card (travel coming to around 180 quid). She asked if they could book for her but they couldn't (same with me, had to be reimbursed) so I said yes. Anyway I paid for both. She said she'd pay me when we got back, and mentioned that the following week she was being paid by both lodgers so she didn't expect me to wait until the NGO reimbursed, and then she'd make the claim just as I was doing.

We got back and she had no money, had to borrow money for rent from a different friend. No mention of the lodgers rent which was when she said she'd pay. This friend I loaned funds to has a full time job plus does freelance monthly compared to my 1-2x a year, has two lodgers, has a generous maintenance from ex-h 570/month plus 1/2 of all child related expenses and I would say the challenge is she has a lot of unnecessary expenses. She lets a large home so has large bills (hence the two lodgers), they have four dogs, they eat out 2-3x a week, go to the hairdresser every 6-8 weeks, travel, can easily spend 200-300 quid in a weekend. Nothing wrong with that but she spends every pound that comes in, has no savings so even though she's nearing 50, she knows her only change in circumstance will be when her lovely parents pass away and split the sale of their home between her and her two sisters. Saving is just not her thing.

So this travel was over 2 months ago. I've been reimbursed for the company for mine, but she hadn't b/c she submitted the receipt a month late. She said she'd give it but was borrowing money off a mutual friend as she couldn't make rent (true, has done it a few times). She then said she'd pay me as soon as cheque received instead. She received cheque Jan 24th. It's more than cleared. In that time she's been to the hairdresser, gone to the cinema, got all the dogs kitted out with new winter matching coats, had dinners out. All posted on social media. In the same time I've spent 0 on fun, cut my dc hair at home, not eaten out. She's also gone for another freelance gig and got two, these are both paying, probably in the region of 1-2K. She won't have been paid yet, but it's definitely coming and likely the reason for all the spending.

I mentioned last week whether the cheque cleared, she said almost and she's so sorry it took so long. But she's also been off with me. We get along very well and I've barely heard from her since the date she was told the cheque would clear except she wondered if we could dog sit next weekend b/c they are planning a budget break. We would normally speak 2-3x a week and see each other weekly for chat or something usually while walking dogs and then maybe a hot drink after (often at mine as I live near the place we walk dogs). From the date she received the cheque I've heard nothing from her except asking about dog sitting. That's 2.5 weeks of virtually no contact with someone I would usually have some contact with daily.

I know not to lend money. I really didn't see this as that. This is for a professional job and she did try to use her cash account but didn't have enough in to cover it. She also tried to get work to pay in advance but they could only issue reimbursements. It wasn't something she planned. But we are both single parents, she's a good friend, has been lovely to our family, it was a work expense so I thought the likelihood she'd pay back was huge. In fact I never questioned whether she would. We've known each other for years and she's a good soul. But this feels very unfair and I'm not sure what my next step should be? I'm finding it hard to communicate with her. After her reply about the cheque "almost clearing" the only other message I've received was "some of us have work" when I mentioned I hoped all was well b/c we hadn't seen her recently (normally see her walking dogs) and normally give her a lift somewhere each week as to save money she got rid of her car. I definitely feel like for the first time in our many years long friendship she's avoiding me. All was fine after the trip (was only 1 night), it has just been since the 24th when the cheque hit her account...

What do I do from here? I really don't want this to destroy the friendship but we are a very slim budget family, I don't have child maintenance and this has created hardship. The bill is unpaid and interest is accumulating. This is the second month I haven't been able to pay it off. We have about 1/4 of what she has coming in and I have three dc including a child with autism (pretty severe) with lots of added expenses and it means a cut to my work hours too as after school club can't accommodate, to her one child and no child care costs (her child is older than my dc). That's not her problem, but I think probably why this stings a bit more. The cheque was in the 24th, surely it's more than cleared by now?! How to get the funds without harming the friendship?

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ILoveBray · 10/02/2019 15:56

Either write it off and keep the friendship or push her for the money and lose the friendship.

Only you can decide which is more important.