boyfriends close family friend is too involved

[thatsitwhatnow]

New to all this, my boyfriends close family friend tries being involved with way to much we do as a family. Some days I try and tolerate him some other days I'm unable to stand him, it's not fair to my boyfriend that I feel like this. I'm currently pregnant with children already, anything we talk about as a family days out, holidays etc or recently we spoke about just doing something very small gender reveal for our children only as we trying to keep them involved as much as we can so they don't feel left out as there is a few years age gap from children to our unborn child now. not even our families would be there just me, my boyfriend and our children, this family friend always says 'we' as we talk about things to kids.

We recently came off holiday with my boyfriends holiday and this family friend, there was 15 of us including our little lot, we spoke about the next holiday we do it's just going to be boyfriend, me and children small family holiday and he says yeah we will have to go away just all of us, this is from his friend. We've told him numerous times it's just for kids etc, or it's just us lot for whatever we are doing, he can be too much.

It drives me insane when I'm disciplining the kids and his there trying to make comments and trying to be involved with that, I feel like it's my boyfriends dad more than a friend, not even my own father has that much input, I'm not sure if his ignorant or doesn't understand as we've spoke to him numerous times about this to his face, more so as I'm pregnant I'm not sure if it's just me being unreasonable..

[Aquamarine1029]

Why are you involving him in your life? I'm finding it hard to understand why you don't just exclude him. Just get rid.

[MrsTerryPratcett]

Is this your boyfriend's best friend or a friend of your boyfriend's family?

[SparkiePolastri]

Stop having the conversations around him, and just don't include him.

This sounds too simple - I'm guessing he just turns up day-in-day-out uninvited?

Does he spend any time away from your place?

[Hisnamesblaine]

Just start distancing yourself

[thatsitwhatnow]

I would love to get rid, I don't invite him round to house as he drives me insane sometimes, we'll be at my boyfriends families house where this friend will be pretty much most of the time, as it's boyfriends nans house we travel to as she can't travel about or drive from knee injury she's had this past several months we take the kids to her house for the day etc, boyfriends nan is lovely woman invites me around too we get on great so it's not like I can avoid her house either just drives me mad but because I've said things to him many times it's like talking to a brick wall, so I try not bothering with him and ignoring him as I ain't got the mentality anymore to keep saying to same shit to an adult of his age

[thatsitwhatnow]

My boyfriends family close friend to the point his one of those "uncles" not really family but almost. Yeah definitely just turns up uninvited many times, I've collected kids from school get home n his standing at the front door or if I don't answer his ringing our phones because his at the door. I never invite him round and yes he spends time away from our place thank god but it's that often this happens it feels like it's all the time

[PentreBachCymraeg]

Just say no?

[AnyFucker]

Is his name Bryn ?

[ILoveMaxiBondi]

Sounds like you live in his family’s pocket. I’d Be knocking that on the head for starters.

[thatsitwhatnow]

I've tried that NO I've tried all sorts, I just struggle understanding how someone can't understand what I've told him many times in the past, I've said it politely and tried being firm trying not to cause arguments with him or boyfriends family as I know that I can be nasty so I do try and hold my tongue back slightly, boyfriends family know that he can be too much also, it's just weird

[justilou1]

Have you just said to him that it's not ok to just drop around to your place? You find it intrusive and that it gets in the way of what you and the kids need to do?

[Missingstreetlife]

Is your bf on side? Can't he sort this out. If not that's your problem.
Just tell this bloke to fuck off. Be very rude. Never let him in your house again. What is stopping you.

[thatsitwhatnow]

@justilou1 I've tried that I'm just trying not to be rude as I know it will cause arguments for my boyfriend from his lot so I'm trying to think of boyfriend and rest of his family. Its like talking to a child that don't understand or listens, his a clever man so it can't be that hard

@Missingstreetlife yes boyfriend is totally on side, he can't stand him a lot of the time lately and has even told him to fuck off himself, I've tried every approach possible nice, rude, firm it don't register with him

[justilou1]

Then time to be rude.... Every time he turns up unannounced.... “Why are you here? We have asked you not to drop in. Please call next time. It’s not convenient.” Walk past him and don’t let him into the house.

[DuffBeer]

Time to be rude.

Don't let him into your home, tell him to go away.

Call your nan ahead of the visit, ask if the friend is there, if he is, just say you won't be coming as you don't want to see him.

Same with family holidays.

If all else fails threaten to take out a restraining order!

[CircleofWillis]

Watch ‘abducted in plain sight’. That should give you the ovaries to stand up to him and keep him away from your children.

[Missingstreetlife]

Ask local police to have a word with him. I would think about moving and not giving anyone your address

[Missingstreetlife]

Have you written to him and said you want no further contact?

[Aprilshowersarecomingsoon]

Is your gut feeling he is over friendly with your dc or all of you?

[TowelNumber42]

You have not been rude enough.

Ignore him completely at family events. If he turns up at your house, do not let him in, tell him to go away. Same with phone. "It is not a good time. Goodbye."

Let your boyfriend worry about his family's reaction. If he's already willing to tell this man to fuck off then I rather suspect your bf isn't much bothered about his family's reaction. You might be protecting him from things that aren't really a problem, or at least are not your problem to solve.

[thundernlightening]

@Aprilshowersarecomingsoon my gut feeling is us all as a family unit myself partner 3 kids and 1 on the way,

[PlainSpeakingStraightTalking]

Have you written to him and said you want no further contact?

You dont write to a friend of the whole family, without it becoming a massive issue, that makes everyone uncomfortable.

Can you give us a bit more back ground? How is he a family friend, is it like Kevin and Stacey and he's Smiffy? Yyou say My boyfriends family close friend to the point his one of those "uncles" not really family but almost. - so is he MILs friend? or GMIL? or Who?

The old MN mantra - "no, that doesn't work for us" - but that only applies to your house , you cant tell MIL she cant have family friends round.

I must admit I do love the way several posters are heavily implying he's got one eye on your kids, - does your BF say hes a little odd that way? He'd know if he grew up with him.

Does the whole family dislike him except Mil/GMIL (Or who ever the principle friend is) ?

Some people just are odd, with little quirks, and don't read social clues.

[CaptainJaneway62]

There is something very odd about this guy's behaviour wanting to be around you and your DC's all the time.
Refusing to listen to your requests means that he has absolutely no boundaries whatsoever.
Don't let in your home or anywhere near you or your children OP.
Don't leave him alone with them ever.
I hope you can get him out of your life soon.

[AdaColeman]

Block his number on your phone so he can't ring you.

Start being rude to him.

Don't discuss any of your plans in front of him.

Don't let him into your house when you don't want him there.

Change your routine frequently so he can't guess where you will be.

Learn to say NO!

[thundernlightening]

@PlainSpeakingStraightTalking his my partners family's friend from as far back as over a decade, his more so a companion for boyfriends nan, not many people on my boyfriends family side actually do like him.

It's not about just the children it's including all of us. Bf does say his weird and can't stand him some days either, his personality is that he likes to have the control as he was close with my bf at one stage but obviously we got children and a family life, I feel like he likes to have control he tries to be overpowering trying to take charge without no consideration for other people or other people's children, not just mine my partner has a child from a previous relationship and he also tries overpowering with step daughter wen she's with us every 2 weeks for weekend

I often wonder if his lonely as he has no children himself, or that his been involved with my bf's family so long he needs to be involved with everything as he has been for so long, I'm not that person at all, my own family aren't even that much involved and I'm still not sure just how to think about him as a person,