Name changed.
I have a beautiful baby who is nearly 11months. I love him dearly but I am finding motherhood so difficult.
I went back to work 2 months ago and now work 5 and my DH works at home for 2 days in the week so we can manage childcare costs.
My DS has silent reflux and is generally very fussy and clingy, but when out of the house he is very laid back and chilled when in the company of others. I'm sick of the comments when out and about telling me how lucky I am that I have an easy baby. I no longer explain to them how DS can be as I'm just met with raised eyebrows and honestly, I know I just have to get on with it.
He is teething and not sleeping very well and this has been constant since he was 5 months.
I hate the fact that I no longer feel like I fit in at work. I no longer teach the same classes or subject and one of the things I enjoyed the most was taken over by management and they are refusing to let me continue it (think along the lines of an art club but won't say exactly as could be outing.)
I equally hate the fact that I am jealous that my mat cover has essentially become me/my role in school and I feel so over looked and discarded. I have been judged an outstanding teacher in every observation but I feel like I have to prove my value to them all over again.
I had a discussion with the head where they were shocked that I was considering a position in school that would be a promotion. Whilst he acknowledged I would be really suitable for the position he was shocked that I would be interested as, "I have a family to consider now."
I feel so resentful of the live I have right now. I am disgusted with myself for feeling this way and not enjoying the time I have with my DS.
I honestly think he would be better off without me. I don't know how to fix how I'm feeling.
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When will I start to enjoy being a mum?
16 replies
Toastisfun · 01/02/2019 08:28
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