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AIBU?

to feel in despair for my boy

34 replies

cjt110 · 21/01/2019 11:10

DS is 4. He has had bad dreams since starting school. Nothing we can pin him down on... it varies from dreams of school friends, to tv characters, to dragons.

It's nightly. Sometimes numerous times in the night. And, understandably so, he won't settle til one of us has been into him to say it's ok and tuck him back in.

I've tried talking to him about the dreams, asking him about them. Giving him a stuffed toy to protect him. Waking him slightly before I go to bed to reset his sleep pattern.

I don't know what more I can do. He gets so distraught.

We are obviously suffering too. Last night it was 4 and 5am nightmares so we are losing sleep too.

Any suggestions?

OP posts:

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Confusedbeetle · 21/01/2019 11:20

There are some nice picture books to help children feel more confident if they wake. If he worries about the dark there is The Dark by lemony snicket. Some children can grasp the idea that a dream is just a story and you can change the things in them, dragons to fairies etc it is just his mind telling a story. Some children have a little trick like if I have a bad dream I can turn over my pillow to help me go back to sleep. It is a common phase.If you give him a toy to protect him, or overly comfort in a strange way you are reinforcing that there is something to be scared of. He needs to know that there isnt, and that he is in control and he is safe. Tricky I know

User758172 · 21/01/2019 11:56

I’m sorry OP, it’s so awful to watch them go through these things. I had incredibly vivid nightmares as a child - I know there’s a name for it but I just can’t remember it? It’s more than bad dreams, it’s as though you can see these things with your waking eyes. It is difficult to explain to parents just how bad it is when it feels so completely real.

Is he scared of the dark itself? Would a nightlight help, or a projector? Having his door open? Audiobooks so he has something to distract him, or music, or nature sounds?

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 21/01/2019 11:58

When my dd had been through an ordeal her therapist had her draw the bad stuff. Apparently once it's on paper it's easier removed from the mind. Maybe have ds do some paintings after school every day. See if it helps.

geekone · 21/01/2019 11:59

We got our DS a dream catcher when he was three. We explained what they did and it really helped him.

cjt110 · 21/01/2019 12:05

He has a nightlight on and has easy access to our room. He has 2 Iggle Piggles that he's had since forever, plus a small teddy. And now big monkey - who protects him.

OP posts:

knittedjest · 21/01/2019 12:41

4 year olds do have scary dreams and strong illogical fears like dragons. That's nothing to worry about. They have just realized that there are things in the world (real or not) that can hurt them. The thing to focus on is how to self-settle.

Does he have a torch that he can turn on and see that there is no danger?

I used to work away a few times a year and one thing we had was recording of my voice on a teddy bear for them to have when away that they could listen to me even when I wasn't there. Could something like that work? That way he could get the comfort of your voice without having to wake you.

Also does he have milk at night? Dairy at night has been shown to cause vivid dreams in some children.

jazzandh · 21/01/2019 12:48

Is he overtired? My youngest DS always had (and still does) nightmares when he was more tired than usual.

I now generally take stock and get him into bed earlier for a night or two, so he catches up.

RunOut · 21/01/2019 12:53

If the nightmares happen at a similar time every night, then wake him up half and hour before then. Also if he has a nightmare make sure he is properly awake before he goes back to sleep.

Pk37 · 21/01/2019 13:24

Is it the same time every night ?
It sounds like night terrors and if you wake them 15 minutes before the usual time they experience one and do this every night for few nights you can reset their sleeping pattern enough to possible stop them .

cjt110 · 21/01/2019 14:45

It appears to be around 3-4am nightly. Sometimes more than once in a night too.

He has recently started to go to bed at 7.30. He just fannies around if we try and get him in for 7. And now, we have had 7 nights where he's fast asleep within minutes when put to bed at 7.30.

It really is a case of ride it out isn't it?

OP posts:

Woohoo1 · 21/01/2019 15:01

We bought a worry monster!! Fabulous thing

Oddsocksandmeatballs · 21/01/2019 15:03

A dream catcher and a worry doll helped my eldest when they went through similar.

TinselAndKnickers · 21/01/2019 15:04

I second the worry monster! Helped my niece immensely

Pk37 · 21/01/2019 15:05

As you know a rough time , maybe wake him up at about half two .. I know it’s not ideal and it might not even work but there’s also a chance it will!
Good luck

cjt110 · 21/01/2019 15:06

Anything to get us all out of this rut :(

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Atalune · 21/01/2019 15:10

My ds used to suffer terribly from bad dreams and night terrors.

He was overheating, we would lift his blanket off his feet when I went to bed and that helped!

Timmytoo · 21/01/2019 15:27

Maybe something or someone is bothering him at school.

cjt110 · 21/01/2019 15:38

@Timmytoo I've asked this of the teacher and TA and they've both said he's fine.

His behaviour of late has been challenging. A mixture of being off for Christmas and less routine.

Most mornings he is stubborn and we have to cajole him into dressing, eating and getting out of the door. He had a full on tantrum this morning before leaving.

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BettyBoo246 · 21/01/2019 15:45

Not much help OP but just to let you know I’m in the exact same situation with my 5 year old. We’ve tried everything including worry monster, night lights, music on, baby monitor back in his room, meditation apps, talking about the dreams in the day including drawing them, nothing is working for us at the minute. I am seeing school nurse tomorrow as it’s effecting his mood in the day now too and also have docs appointment next week.
I hope you find something to help your ds but yes I have resigned myself to the fact I think we’re just going to have to ride this one out which could be days, weeks, months

cjt110 · 21/01/2019 15:46

@BettyBoo246 It truly is shit isn't it?

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Drogosnextwife · 21/01/2019 15:49

OP my oldest was the same. It was a case of just ride it out. He's 10 now and it doesn't happen as mum anymore but still does sometimes. It has also formed into sleep walking, without too much walking but will sit up and have a conversation with me in his sleep. Sometimes it takes me a while to figure out if he is asleep.

BettyBoo246 · 21/01/2019 15:53

cjt110 yep and that’s putting it politely!

We’re all so sleep deprived, I also have a 10 week old dd so that doesn’t help either.
I hate that I’m wishing the time away just so he hopefully grows out of it! If you find a magic cure please let me know

You are not alone though

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cjt110 · 21/01/2019 15:54

I am so bloody exhausted. I have ME so I feel like I;m swimming through treacle most of the time anyway. Add in the fact that I'm pretty much awake from 3/4am and I'm so tired it hurts.

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BettyBoo246 · 21/01/2019 16:04

You can see why they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture in some countries!

I will let you know if the school nurse or docs tell me anything new that sounds promising. I also have a sleep psychologist calling me tomorrow (this is how desperate I’ve got lol)

Dm keeps telling me how I won’t be able to get him out of bed when he’s a teenager, so only ten years to go

cjt110 · 21/01/2019 16:13

@BettyBoo246 That would be really helpful - thank you. Feel free to PM me and we can offer one another moral support... or ...!!

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