Hen party

[Ninjafox]

I have been invited to go on an abroad hen party later in the year. I've never been on an abroad one before, and whilst it sounds great, the budget has been suggested at £250 for flights, transfers and accommodation only.

I do like the bride, BUT aibu to think it won't be anywhere near £250, not when food, drinks and activities are not included. I've always ballparked £200 for hen parties (maybe I'm out of touch?) but that has paid for everything.

Would I be being unreasonable to say that I don't think I can afford to go . One of the options also requires I book 2 days A/L also. Am I being an old fussy duddy? I've always thought it's about the company you're in and not the location.

[Atalune]

You can’t afford it so it’s dead easy.

Thank you for the invitation, but sadly I won’t be able to make it. Have a wonderful time and let’s have a drink when you get back!

Simple.

[lastqueenofscotland]

Just say “sounds lovey, unfortunately I can’t afford to go away at the moment, have a lovely time!”

The end

[findurfavouritesorhaveabrowse]

Yanbu

Hen dos abroad should be for the people who are so rich it's the same to them as a night out down weather spoons.

One of my friends invited me to a weekend one and whilst I could afford it it would mean no family holiday that year. So I didn't go.

100% my decision and 100% yours. No one has the righty to tell you what to spend your money and annual leave on!

[Returnofthesmileybar]

Look people can do what they like for their hens/stags, it's not an issue, people like to make it an issue but it's not, the issue is only if you are being pressured to go, then it's an issue. But ultimately you can do what you like for any celebration once you accept graciously that everyone will not go. So unless she has made an issue of it yabu, go or don't it's pretty much that simple

[Ninjafox]

Out of curiosity how much is the most anyone has spent on an abroad hen?(including drinks, food and activities)
and were you happy you spent that much?

[BrightYellowDaffodil]

I’ve never been on an away-fixture hen do (I’ve always managed to give these a swerve) but I think you’re absolutely right to suspect the cost will spiral well above £250. Once you’re there and the bride announces she’d really like to do X or some well-meaning co-hen suggests doing Y, it’s very hard to say no.

Best nip it in the bud now with a “Sounds great but I just can’t afford it, I’m afraid, as I’m saving up/had a big bill/already committed money for [insert excuse of choice]. Can’t wait to see the photos and hear all about it when you get back!”

[LostInShoebiz]

Spent £2k total on a hen long weekend abroad. DH spent closer to £3k on the stag. We then spent another £2k on the wedding. Stupidly thought these people were our best friends. They didn’t even RSVP for our wedding 18months later (nor attend DH1’s funeral) in the same town as they live on a Saturday with the child invited. As soon as they had a baby it was total radio silence.

[LostInShoebiz]

Sorry, only half answered the question. We were comfortable with initial costs but they kept spiralling. Helicopter rides, upgrades on everything, things that were supposedly included weren’t so to be honest it wasn’t a good vibe on either trip.

[araiwa]

Obviously its gonna be more than 250 unless you sit in the hotel watching tv and drinking the free tea the whole time

How much more depends on where youre going and what you do

[Littleraindrop15]

To be honest it depends on everyone's finances, If all the bridesmaid aren't particularly well off then I am sure they won't be spending a grand!!

I would say £250 spending money and opt in out of activities as they go on. So total being £500

But even this figure depends if your accommodation is all inclusive etc speak to the bride see what she thinks and then either accept or decline

[JasperKarat]

I went on a hen to Tenerife last year five days four nights probably closer to £500 , and I didn't drink anywhere near as much as some. It depends what the plan is for the day time, ours was a big group (2 hens) and they'd planned so there was a free activity each day for those on a budget, so while some of us went to the water park others stayed by the pool for pool/drinking games, when we went to the beach some of us went on jet skis/banana boats, others didn't and the hens were fine with all choices and made sure everyone felt included. In all honesty I wouldn't have ordinarily gone but I knew both hens, so it felt better value and one was my best friend's sister. BF and I have been trying to organise a girls' holiday for years and for one reason or another is never happened, redundancy, car accident with serious injuries, pregnancies, babies, saving for mortgages, we've never both been in a position for an extra holiday at the same time this time we were and shared a room so for me it was more about that. If you want to go and can afford it, go for it. They're frowned upon by MN but if it's a first experience for you and you like the people going, go for it

[Returnofthesmileybar]

No idea, I was way too drunk to remember and too young to care

[Breakawaygirl]

I would never go away on a hen do either, except for my brother's girlfriend. So expensive and waste of time (sorry, I'm grumpy)

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

We only went to Liverpool for my Friends hen and that cost c. 300 quid in total. Meals, cabs, drinks (always splitting the brides cost too so we always paid more than what we had)- also Im not much of a drinker but you cant really quibble over the bill at a hen, plus i wasnt friends with most of the girls so it was just always split x amount of ways.
Going abroad would you need to buy new clothes, any beauty treatments before you go that you'd want? If you cannot afford it dont go.

[ErickBroch]

If it was going to be one of my proper holidays for the year I wouldn't mind, but that's the only reason. If you don't want to spend the money don't feel bad - they should understand!

[Auntiepatricia]

I’d happily pay the extra, if I had it, for a foreign hen. But that’s because in my experience they can be epic trips. Great fun, away with the girls, everyone in great form and an excuse to hit it pretty hard. It’s not about a ‘hen party’, it’s worth the money to me to just have a fantastic trip, somewhere with holiday feeling, with a bunch of likeminded girls.

Men have been doing this since the dawn of time, and not just for stags, and I think typically they know how to really get the most out of group travel. Maybe because they are typically more used to trips with groups of lads for sports etc. It’s so weird that girls often just see these opportunities as hassle.

[Auntiepatricia]

But to OP you are in no way obliged to go! If you’re not into it then please don’t go. People who go out of obligation and don’t want to be there are often passive aggressive (without meaning to be) on the whole trip. It can be quite a drag. Unless you’re the type to drag your feet till you’re there and then get stuck in to enjoying yourself to the fullest.

Please note I’m not talking about getting drunk before people start sneering about people who think fun=drink.

[MarchInHappiness]

I am not keen on abroad hen dos, or weekend ones in general. I went to a couple of hen weekends (weekend in a cottage, the other a weekend hotel in London) that were pre kids several years ago before abroad ones were common. Which is fine because you have less responsibility more money, annual leave etc Since having kids I've only gone to hen dos that are one nights max and only for close friends. Just can't justify spending £££ on playing stupid games Anne Summers, getting pissed etc.

Quite like spa days, few drinks / nice dinner etc.

Only abroad one I went to was SIL's in Ibiza for 3 nights, costed about £600. I was not going to go because I had just finished maternity leave and was skint, which I told MIL (she thought I was being a dick by not going) so she offered to pay half.

[TitOfTheIceberg]

Of course YANBU to say you can't afford to go. A good friend should respect that.

Most years I can't afford a family holiday with DH, so the twice I've been invited to overseas hen parties I've just said "I can't afford to join you but I hope you all have a lovely time, be sure to take lots of photos". One of the hens also had a meal at a local restaurant as well so any of us who couldn't make it to the Ibiza shindig still got to celebrate with her.

[bigspagbol]

I've just said no to a hen do of similar amount. I know it's not a popular move but if they are your friends , they'll understand. It is hard to say no though but if you don't want to go and spend that much money on a weekend away, you don't want to spend that much money.

Bite the bullet , YANBU. Just be honest.

[catmumof1]

The most I've spend on an abroad hen was £500 for the flights and accomodation and then around £300 spending money, but that was for 5 nights and 6 days so more of a proper holiday. It was also in school holidays which obviously jacked the price up.

City break hen that I organised cost £170 for flights and accommodation and we spent about £300 again once we were there. Not in school holidays though.

Abroad hens get a pretty low turn out in my experience, doesn't help that the friendship group are all starting families after their own weddings so can't commit to time away or the money in the same way they could before!

The bride won't be offended if you say no, try to mark the occasion with her somehow though.

[DonCorleoneTheThird]

Of course don't go if you can't afford, or simply don't want to! It's nice to be invited, but it's ok to decline.

I think the most expensive hen I went to was around £1.5k, we went to Vegas for a long weekend, it was amazing. It was a group decision, and totally worth it.

I much prefer going abroad and making it a long weekend than being dragged in a pub crawl or having to go to UK towns I have no interest in, but ultimately it is supposed to be a holiday or a great night out, not a punishment!