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to expect MIL to not take side of man who attached her own son? and blame me!!!

(46 Posts)
flowermad Mon 25-Jun-07 01:32:37

Cant believe 1st post on MN is an AIBU but here we go.

Me and DP fell out with MIL last week which is a regular occurance. I asked her to return travel cot as need to put DD2 in it has DD1 still in cot and DD2 now getting to bid for moses basket. Of course she couldnt be bothered to send it herself so sent my lovely SIL and partner over with it. DP went out to collect travel cot and argument broke out which ended in him calling SIL a bitch and her fiance attacking him (trying to throw him down stairs, strangle him and finally throwing him on ground breaking two of his ribs). DP phoned MIL straight away who immediately said it must have been DP's fault and to grow up. The police were phoned but told us we could not press charges as SIL and partner claim DP threw 1st punch. After police been MIL starts sending me texts going on about how it was all my fault (I was indoors throughtout whole argument and attack) and now claims that she will have our children as we are poor parents. Now she's sending texts about grandparents rights. Surely she cannot just expect to see my children after taken the side of that pyscho over her own son!!! I am so (angry) but have no idea how to get own back without getting arrested!!!

Incidentally the orginal argument with her started cos she texted DP to tell him she is ashamed of him as he is going to be a stay at home dad as of July whilst I work.

Sorry for the long rant but just needed to get it off chest as thought I might combust. Please can some1 tell me they have a MIL that is worse than mine as it would make me fell a lot better.

Tortington Mon 25-Jun-07 01:50:42

what a charming family it sounds.

there are ofcourse people who thrive on this eastender style

if you consider yourselves one of them there is little advice i or anyone can give.

however if you are serious about asking for advice then

change your phone or sim

change landline number

remove all contact.

and all without a fuss.

try to be dignified about things rather than screaming " he's not worf it gaz, he's not worf it!"

BreeVanDerCamp Mon 25-Jun-07 07:12:52

Snort at Custy's

" he's not worf it gaz, he's not worf it!"

flowermad Mon 25-Jun-07 11:57:08

Why did I evern bother. I didnt realise you were such a bunch of snotty cows but then again people who use names like Custardo and BreeVanDerCamp must be. Excuse me now as I'm must remove my registration as dont know what came over me wanting to be part of something like this.

WigWamBam Mon 25-Jun-07 12:01:40

Oh, charming.

Was going to offer some advice but won't waste my breath.

muppetgirl Mon 25-Jun-07 12:04:45

Just ignore them, they obviosly ahve perfect families who never upset each other.
Our family is very volatile in that my mil loved me when i was with my dh in his house near manchester. When dh's job wasn't going so well and he left we had to sell the house and move nearer london for him to find a better job. Since then all hell has broken lose. She feels left out so feels it is okay to meddle, talk about us behind our backs and just be as downright nasty as she possibly can all with the 'who me?' wide eyed innocent look.

saltire Mon 25-Jun-07 12:06:08

Eh? Custy's advice was spot on. if it bothers you and you're upset, then change you mobile and landline numbers.
She was also right when she says some people do thrive on this sort of lifestyle, but she didn't say you specifically did

muppetgirl Mon 25-Jun-07 12:08:46

His sister's always take her side in believing whatever she says an dnever think to ask for dh's side of the story.
When i had pnd she said i needed to 'chill out' when we put our son in nursery at 12 weeks (as i was not coping) she said she was 'digsuted' she stormed out of our house when we had the entire family to stay for our ds's 2nd birthday as she said my dh was being rude. This then lead to the sister's having a go at my dh defending the mil even though they said they could see dh's point of view they still thought he was rude.
We never got told his sister had ms/ his father is ill/grandfather was dying yet they are mad at him when he appears to be insensitive.

QueenofBleach Mon 25-Jun-07 12:08:59

Whats snotty about that, you asked for advice and got it and in my opinion I agree with Custy and wouldn't have anything to do with them if that is their attitude, if you were looking for affirmantion of their behaviour and that it is Ok then you have come to wrong place

WaynettaSlob Mon 25-Jun-07 12:11:43

Would my posting something make you feel more 'comfortable'?

muppetgirl Mon 25-Jun-07 12:13:10

What we do now!
All this agro is fine if you like it (I agree with custardo on that one -sometimes its not what you say but how you say it)
We don't
We now
1. Only visit when absolutely necessary on our terms and try to be out as much as possible when we are there. -visiting friends/outings etc
2. Only phone when we have something to say. We never phone for a friendly chat as we were fed up with the constant emotional blackmail -'oh I miss dgs, when are coming up?'
3. We have chosen to have all precious family times at home -Christmas/birthdays as then we are in control as to what happens and a re not stuck at the mercy of a difficult family ganging up on you.

snowleopard Mon 25-Jun-07 12:13:14

Flowermad, your post does say your DP had a massive fight with your SIL and her fiance - why was that? They were doing you a favour bringing the cot over - why did an argument start? Your post does make it sound like everyone in your MIL's family is quite up for a fight, not just her, if you see what I mean. If I were you I'd tell that all this arguing and fighting is setting a bad example for your DDs and you'd like them to think twice before they send s nasty text, start arguing or throw a punch.

Also, yes, there are loads of tales of evil MIL behaviour recounted on here and if you stick around you'll find plenty to cheer you up

Hopeitwontbebig Mon 25-Jun-07 12:16:15

I absolutely agree with Custy's post. What was wrong with it?

IMHO I'd remove all contact from these people. I wouldn't want my children to witness such things.

edam Mon 25-Jun-07 12:21:34

Bloody hell, how on earth did BIL and SIL turning up to drop off a cot manage to end in people throwing punches?

I think Custy's advice was practical and spot on - some people enjoy family rows and it sounds as if it is your dp's families' style. You don't, so change your numbers and stay away from them. You aren't going to change them but you can limit the opportunities they have to upset you.

TootyFrooty Mon 25-Jun-07 12:25:51

I'm confused. Custy's advice was (as ever) spot on.

What did you want people to say? Your dp should have punched him harder? Punch your MIL?

ComeOVeneer Mon 25-Jun-07 12:28:19

first ever post on MN at 1.32am, get all snotty after 2 totally inoffensive posts???? Trip trap is all I can say.

lucyellensmum Mon 25-Jun-07 12:59:51

oh custardo your advice!!!! sorry, but im pmsl

Seriously though, what a way to carry on in front of children, it all sounds a little trivial to me, especially over a travel cot. I would have nothing more to do with the inlaws if this is how they behave.

I think your DP is fab for being a SAHD, tell him to come on MN to vent his spleen in future instead of fighting in the street.

goldenwings Mon 25-Jun-07 13:16:36

wow i thought my family were bad.

maybe get in touch with jeremy kyle? hes great at this stuff

OrmIrian Mon 25-Jun-07 13:31:13

What was the argument about? Does seem a strange occasion to have a row.

But then we don't do rows or throw punches. And I don't think my family is perfect nor 'snotty', just not violent .

FWIW I thought custardos advice was sensible.

ernest Mon 25-Jun-07 13:40:48

1st ever post on mn nyet uses mn 'speak', took me ages to work out AIBU (to my shame) yet here's a 1st timer using it fluently?

muppetgirl Mon 25-Jun-07 13:43:05

what is aibu? I still don't know

alicet Mon 25-Jun-07 13:45:11

aibu is am i being unreasonable

muppetgirl Mon 25-Jun-07 13:46:01

thanks alicet, you've found you're way in here too.

pagwatch Mon 25-Jun-07 13:49:15

Given that you said

"I am so (angry) but have no idea how to get own back without getting arrested!!!"

I am not really sure what advice you are looking for.
My in laws are pretty dreadful but we realised that the contact between us was toxic so we cut all contact. A terrible and difficult decision but it was the right thing to do.
I think you should do what is best to get an atmosphere of peace and if that means cutting contact as suggested then do it.

alicet Mon 25-Jun-07 13:58:22

Hi muppetgirl! I love this section - post in a little but read and chuckle a lot! Take care x

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