Best friend not talking to me- working away

[Workaday]

My best friend of 8 years is childless & wealthy, I have a 4 year old son, not well off. We live in London, as of next year I will be working in Scotland for 2 months on, 2 months off shifts. My DH will be doing childcare alongside afterschool clubs while I am away, the rest of the time I'll be 100% off.

We do not have much money and I have not had any other earning opportunities. Without this it would be pinning our hopes on a council house or something, our savings are running out fast.

Aforementioned best friend is currently not talking to me. At first she would just ignore me for a few days if I mentioned my job. I recently told her something really important/good re the job's accommodation, and she hasn't spoken to me since. She thinks I will give my son abandonment issues and traumatise him, even though I'll be able to skype him & call multiple times a day from my job. I plan on giving him a special 'mummy bear' that smells of me/is the colours I always wear so he can cuddle the bear when he misses me. I will be sending him recordings of bedtime stories so if there's no signal and I can't read over Skype, or he misses my voice, he can listen to me reading to him.

I don't WANT to be going away but there is no alternative right now. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to get onto a good career track and I have had no other jobs so far, even the local supermarket rejected me. I'm just so pissed off that she thinks I'm abandoning my child- people in less well off nations have to travel to different countries to earn money & feed their children and they aren't judged for it. People can give their children abandonment issues while living under the same roof. As long as he is loved and knows he's loved surely he'll be fine?

[WhenISnappedAndFarted]

Would she be saying that if it were your husband going away for work?

[MarklahMarklah]

I wonder what your friend would think about 'abandonment' if it was your DH that was working 2 months in Scotland at a time?
It sounds as though you are doing everything possible to make the situation workable. It sounds tough, but necessary for you.

[Jack65]

He will grow up with a good work ethic and will be fine.

[Thatstheendofmytether]

How do you think you will cope with this op? I know a woman who worked a week on and a week off, she has to stay in a different town for the week of work. She couldn't cope without seeing her DD for that long every other week and had to change the situation after a couple of months.

[DeusEx]

It’s none of her damn business, and he will have a parent at home anyway, he isn’t being abandoned! Good luck with the new job OP.

[Workaday]

RE if it was DH: No, she wouldn't, which pisses me off further. She thinks I will be breaking the most important bond, that of a child and its mother. Sigh.

I do feel guilty about leaving my son because I know he will miss me- I am sure I will be able to manage it, but more than that we really don't have an alternative. Already on tight months I go without to feed DS, I simply have to leap at any job opportunity.

[LordNibbler]

OP sometimes in life we all have to do things we'd rather not do. But we have to, even when it's hard. You are doing this to make a better life for your family. Your son will have his DF there every day for him, and like you say you will have lots of time to Skype him.
And in the nicest possible way, what the hell does your friend know about parenthood? Take what she says wth a pinceh of salt.
I think it's probably her way of dealing with not having you around as a friend on tap. Maybe she's a bit jealous. Who knows. But this is a brilliant opportunity for you and it's great that you're grabbing it with both hands. Please do not feel guilty about leaving him, there is no need. And good luck, I hope this all leads to amazing things for you and your family.

[bowdownbeforelokitty]

I think she's the one with abandonment issues. Does she have many other friends? To be honest as I'm child-free myself I'm a bit  at her making these sort of comments about your Bond with your DC. You have a perfectly capable DC and are putting in place the tools to make the distance seem a bit easier on yourselves as a family.

It's such an extreme reaction. Maybe she has abandonment issues unresolved from childhood? Who knows, and even so she has no right to project her issues onto you.

[bowdownbeforelokitty]

Perfectly capable DH.

[Workaday]

@bowdown she does, and I think she is projecting. I wouldn't want to bring that up though.

[AornisHades]

He is 4. That bond should be very firm by now. You aren't abandoning him. Your permanence is established and he can understand that you'll be back.

[kateandme]

oh op.hearing how you don't feed.this is a situation where you obviously have no choice.and your friend should see that and be helping you emotionally rather than berating you.your toughing it enough right now.
if your doing it for the right reasons.and you love and cherish the family enough then I think your very brave for doing this.it must be agony thinking of leaving for the time you have to.
here a few things that weve found helpful:
write letters.
or little cards.
write a weeks worth of notes from the time you leave ach time for dd/ds to open every day.
get dh to get in thir favourite tea and say this is from mummy tonight.
leave a toy somewhere and then half way through of if they are having a hard day you can say"go into the cupboard under the stairs mummy is with you always.and they can find a wrapped gift.toy,cuddly.

[Tattybear16]

Not much of a friend is she? It’s got nothing to do with her, ignore her. Your DH is being supportive and that’s all you need.q Lots of parents work away.

[triwarrior]

Good luck with the new job; I hope the transition goes well for you all. One day your son will be very proud of you and the sacrifices you made for the good of your family.

[Workaday]

@Kateandme those suggestions are BRILLIANT. Thank you! I had thought of doing lunchbox notes but that might be too public.

Thank you so much everyone. The job itself should be great and a huge lifestyle change. Feel like I can look forward to it again!

[Allthewaves]

Ignore. You could even get train down to London every other weekend if money permitted. You never know, You may lov3 Scotland and move whole family up - probably cheaper than london

[Allthewaves]

My dh does bear adventers - he travels a lot. He takes one of dc toys and sends photos everyday of what bears up to.

[kateandme]

you should be excited.it is how it is.so lets make it the bes tit can be and the easiest for you all.
im glad the suggestions helped.a child becomes unstoppable with love.if your dc has that and feels that they will be more than fine.
does your oh have whatapp too because little tours of being out for a walk helped too.surrounding area and apartment.and also voice notes left.
take care.xx

[Disquieted1]

Tell her to get stuffed. She's trying to keep you down: maybe she's comfortable with that. Any half-decent friend would show enthusiasm and encourage you; not try to guilt you.
What you're doing is in the long-term best interests of your family.

[ElfID]

You are brilliant.

There are women in developing countries who leave their children for YEARS, often caring for Western children abroad, to earn money to give their families a better life. It is a privilege when love means being able to be together all the time.

Ditch your friend. She's a bitch who will drag you down.

My husband has worked away for long periods on and off for years. His relationship with the children is lovely, and our life is much better than it would be if he weren't able to travel to earn.

I admire your strength in making this decision, and so will your child.

[MaluCachu]

None of her bloody business,not a supportive friend is she?