Child sex abuse from her father (poss triggering) and whether to go to court for a child arrangement order.

jammydodgerplease · 2018-10-20 01:06:53

I know I am not BU and I am trying hard to stay strong for my 7 yr old daughter right now. I would have posted in legal, but selfishly posting here for traffic and advice. I have also n/c for this post – it’s long, please bear with me... Background There is a long history of domestic violence and emotional abuse from DD’s dad towards me (all logged with 101 and he was never arrested for any of it as I was scared of him – he is controlling and maipulative), and I have always tried to act in her best interest no matter what. Earlier this year we agreed a 50/50 shared care (private / non court ordered) because I felt regardless of what he had put me through, SHE had a right to see & spend time with her Dad. The short version is that a week ago, DD (age 7) told me her Dad had been licking her private parts. Police and social services are involved and s/services asked me whether I would allow any contact between him and my daughter, either direct or indirect (ie phone calls) and I had to excuse myself for the colourful language I used in response. There is no way I was even going to allow phone calls between my daughter and the man she said had sexually abused her. Social services were happy that I could protect my child and the case has been ongoing for the last few days. Since then more has come out. My lovely sweet 7yr old DD said her Dad licked her to make sure she was clean and told her she tasted good. I mean seriously I can lick my arm and it has no taste. How the F does a 7 year old have any comprehension that her private parts have a taste? Over the last few days – and it’s mainly after lights out she has told me more and more including that when she squeezes Dad’s willy, sometimes her hand gets wet. The worst bit was tonight when she told me Dad put his willy inside her and she showed me exactly where. At age 7 surely she shouldn’t even know that a willy fits there… I have a million questions I want to ask her, but I can’t! All I can do when she discloses things to me late at night is say “can you tell me what happened next?” or “tell me how that made you feel. I’ve been told not to ask her any direct questions and it’s fucking killing me. I am lucky to be well supported by really good friends and family. I’ve logged it all and sent the log to the police. She is due to do an ABE (Achieving Best Evidence) video interview next week and I’ve told her she is brave and amazing and to just tell the truth about everything. I figure police are taking it seriously and social services have been in touch today to ask about her GP and asking for contact info. I did talk to her a couple of days ago about going to the doctor to seek a referral to CAHMS for counselling, but she refused and I do not want to force her. Police and s/services have said they can provide her with counselling following the ABE interview as anything beforehand could taint her memory. My question is … do I see my solicitor like NOW and get a child arrangement order in place? I worry that the outcome will be that she stays with me “pending further investigation” I only work part time and I have enough in my savings to go to court, but if the judge is liable to put a temporary order in place pending the outcome of this, then I won’t have the money to go back to court. At the same time no amount of money should dictate my child’s safety and emotional well being. There is NO WAY I could represent myself in court as it needs to be based on facts and I’d want to lean over the table and …. I’d end up in jail myself for what I actually want to do to her dad! Social services have said I do not need to do anything legally right now as they support me in no contact with her father, and that if he takes me to court for contact while he is under investigation for sexual abuse towards my child that it is likely he will almost be laughed out of court. At the same time, won’t it look bad on ME for not being the one to petition the court? I don’t know what to do … Should I take it to court NOW or wait? I really need some help and advice on this …

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Thanks to all who reported - we're taking this down now and will get in touch with OP off the boards.